the anon about feeling validated by support from tmes has me returning to thoughts ive been wondering for a while: i am tme, and i want to support trans women more, but am afraid of falling into an unintentionally harmful mentality. kind of like the way men act as 'white knights' towards women, or the whole 'white savior' mentality. i dont know what the equivalent would be towards trans women. ive been trying to listen, learn, and share online, but i struggle to make friends thus do not participate in local queer communities (if there even is one by me?) and, ive been rather oblivious to the extent of transmysoginy until recently. do you or any of your followers have thoughts on what tmes can do to uplift trans women, and where any lines might be in terms of letting our privileges get in the way? is there any idea on what is the healthiest way to support trans women online and in-person, without creating unhealthy dynamics due to tme privilege? especially since i want to be a participant in-person local communities and activism later. personally, am going to start online and get a grasp of whats best, and prioritize/trust the voices of trans women. im sorry if any of this is confusing or ignorant, either way my current priority is listening, learning, and uplifting my sisters however i can, and however they all need and want.
I don't have anything to say about this off the dome, but I will think about it
what I do want to say right now, however, is that we don't exactly have a lot of genuine allies in general right now, and at the risk of saying some words I'll eat, I'd rather have loads of clumsy allies who are genuinely trying (albeit ones who are open to feedback and criticism!!!!) than a small few perfect ones who are afraid to act lest they misstep
the truth is our numbers are small. we need allies willing to guard dog for us
Good rule of thumb is if you wanna be a guard dog, you heel as soon as you’re told to stop. Guard dogs aren’t wild feral attackers that won’t stop even if the person they want to protect is begging them to. Guard dogs are intelligent and cognizant of their actions. Be willing to guard, but above that be willing to listen to the ones you are trying to guard. This means you are both using your privileges and checking your privileges in a complementary manner.
Personally what I'd say, in general, is speak up for us but don't speak over us. All the shit that gets thrown our way is exhausting and we'd love nothing more than to not have to deal with it, so if someone else who knows what they're talking about - and that's crucial, learn and listen and see how we handle things ourselves - can lighten some of that load and challenge it for themselves then that'd be much appreciated, but if we choose to then say something directly then that's your cue to step back and let us take the lead.
Also, do your best to learn and pay attention to us independently, having to break everything down and explain everything directly can also wear on us so the more you can develop your understanding without needing us to handhold the process the better - we know that we're the only people really paying attention to us on the whole, so we do appreciate when people are actively looking to learn from us, but personally I'd be infinitely more relieved to meet one person who already has an understanding of transfeminism than to meet five more who'd like me to explain why TERFs exist.
All that said though, honestly, don't overthink it and just be kind to us y'know? Be cognizant of our position, and yours relative to it, but ultimately we are just people, we're a class of politically and often socially isolated girls and a little care & consideration usually goes a long way.
