maybe aphobes were the real demons all along

she loosely connects her story to transmisogyny at the end by going "well idk if I faced transmisogyny before I came out but I did after I'm so scared because transmisogynists would call me a pedophile and they would be right everyone wants me dead I can't be pedojacketed because I have the jacket on :("

great #OwnVoices job, team. knocked it out of the park. hit the showers.

if you are able, consider donating to a group like Survivors of Incest Anonymous, which helps provide a safe space for victims of CSA, including victims of COCSA, to talk about and heal from their experiences.

even when talking about it being funny is "haha isn't this darkly satirical. it's like a PSA!" in not a single post related to this does she express any thoughts on the fact that a pedophile convicted for his ownership of CSEM took police interviews with CSA victims and their parents and made it into an album other than to go "wow what an interesting piece of art." because she, nor any of the people like her who are constantly going on about the Societal Pedophile Boogeyman in response to any criticism of their child sex fetish posting, actually give a fuck about victims of CSA, they can be brushed aside for the sake of Whoa Cool Art, Convicted Child Sex Abuse Material Owner!

Get reallll🫸

see I think being an autistic woman is actually helpful when considering other autistic people like Patricia Taxxon and what they say. when a woman like her says things like "I didn't know talking about child sexualisation would make people distance themselves from me" and people frame former friends and collaborators highlighting this as "pedojacketing", it reveals that she and those who defend her want us to believe that

Patricia Taxxon allegedly sent pornography to multiple children and has received a lot of negative attention for this, but was unaware of the general online perception of those who frequently discuss sexual fantasies about children

Patricia Taxxon allegedly masturbated on call with multiple children (see above link) and has received a lot of negative attention for this, but was still unaware of the general online perception of those who frequently discuss sexual fantasies about children

Patricia Taxxon, who has received a lot of negative attention for frequently discussing sexual fantasies about children, has so far been entirely unaware of the general online perception of those who frequently discuss sexual fantasies about children

Patricia Taxxon was not aware that people, including those who collaborated with her in some work capacity, may distance themselves from her for her frequent sharing of sexual fantasies about children

and I think this is emblematic of everything isn't it? you owe someone who keeps talking about her sexual fantasies about children an explanation for when you stop talking to them. how is she supposed to know that those fantasies made you uncomfortable if you don't tell her first? she wouldn't have known. there's nothing about wider society that would indicate that this subject matter would make people uncomfortable and distance themselves from her. being kind and courteous to the person who is sharing sexual fantasies about children takes precedent over any personal feelings you may have about interacting with someone constantly sharing sexual fantasies about children.

as an autistic woman I understand the difficulties of socialising with others, not understanding what behaviour you displayed got you tossed aside by those who previously considered you a friend as they refuse to be transparent about it, and hating being misunderstood. I also understand what it is like to have been groomed on the internet as a child and believe that sharing "funny" pornography with your peers is just another form of bonding, and that "peers" can extend to anyone who extends you even the slightest positive interaction. I understand the difficulty ageing into adulthood and needing to continuously learn what appropriate behaviour amongst friends is, as is usually a lifelong process for anyone autistic. however, given all the context Patricia Taxxon has shared, including

her and her defenders openly discussing that other people talk about her publicly (see "stalker blog" "harassment campaign" etc

her defensiveness against being misinterpreted flipping around to "I couldn't have known that was why!"

does this look like someone who is unaware of how people perceive others who share her opinions to you? does this seem like someone who really just hasn't known, this whole time, that her sexual fantasies about children are something that would make other people uncomfortable?

I don't think it does, especially because Patricia Taxxon herself knows that her behaviour has gotten her cut off before and she made peace with it at the time!

by the way, when Patricia Taxxon mentions people going after her friends for guilt by association, what she is talking about is one of the then-children she sent pornography to and who was in the calls she masturbated in asking someone whose videos they enjoyed why they were collaborating with someone who masturbated on call and sent them pornography when they were 13, and had the following exchange: "why are you telling me this this was ages ago she was a minor at the time" "no she wasn't" silence.

that video linked above is by the same woman who wrote a twitter thread about Patricia Taxxon's discord server. do you see the above two images where Patricia Taxxon goes "I did this and I am sorry?" let's go look at a later post by Patricia Taxxon where this reflection on past events becomes "I was groomed by older people and now everyone is making me out to be a predator which is false":

I don't think Patricia Taxxon didn't know that her actions were inappropriate and that people would distance themselves from her. I think she is mad that someone who underpaid her distanced himself from her for very understandable reasons, and that he highlighted this part of her behaviour as she was (as she is wont to do) talking about all the people who have distanced themselves from her for her constant posting about her child sex fantasies alongside vagueposting about him multiple times in a short span that people they mutually know probably saw and sent to him.

there's a key hint in the timeline here, by the way.

did you notice?

the year/age that patricia taxxon says she was being unfairly ghosted by people she believed to be her friends is the same year/age she was masturbating on call with children present and sending children pornography. do you think there might be a reason why someone who was comfortable behaving like this around children at the time might have been ghosted without a word by multiple people? do you think those people owed her an explanation?

anyway

I wish "the spectre of the pedophile" was made up by rich white people and not something children deal with in such large quantities that as many as one in four children globally experiences child sexual exploitation online, that pedophiles haven't been trying to advocate for the normalcy of child abuse as part of Queer Culture for more than three decades, and that pedophiles haven't been actively grooming children on the internet since its inception due to its ease. I wish that myself as a negro nose and jackson five nostrils black child did not get groomed by multiple white American men who believed that I as a black child in a third world country was an easy target because they would likely face no consequences for their actions, only for a white American woman to talk about how the The Spectre Of The Pedophile is made up by wealthy whites, that the fear of the pedophile beyond the home is simply a lingering phantom hovering over a society that sees children as property. I wish that "the spectre of the pedophile" wasn't coined by and exclusively used by child sex fetishists as some sort of retort against people calling them pedophiles for their child sex fetishes.

Every Single Day children are abused and now in even larger quantities because they can now be abused via the internet. children in developed and developing countries being long-distance groomed by pedophiles in their own homes are simply thrown to the wolves because it's inconvenient to the woe-is-me pedophile narrative.

many a pedophile is someone that exists in children's homes, and much familial abuse of children is pedophilic - but the idea of pedophilia as simply another facet of the child abuse of the family structure and not as something that grown adults also choose to enact on random children for nothing more than their own sexual pleasure is a falsehood.

but don't worry, Patricia "thinks an album made by a convicted-of-CSEM-ownership pedophile that consists mostly of police interviews of CSA victims and their parents, used without their consent, is funny because some of the interviews have sad music in the background but don't worry her opinion is more nuanced now" Taxxon is someone you can trust to be 100% nuanced in her thoughts on pedophilia. it's because she's queer and autistic and ostracised, you see.

After recent events over the past couple of months, my co-director and I have decided that we are no longer working with Patricia Taxxon, and her score/sound design will not be used in the final release of our animated student thesis In Your Orbit. She has rights over all of the audio files that she created, and she is free to use or alter them for whatever other projects may come up for her. We only retain the rights to our visuals. On the off chance that the last festival that is showing the current version of the short gives us any prize money, she will still get a cut of it. She is free to continue to state publicly that she worked on the film originally, and use the soundtrack in her portfolio, but we will not be posting it or promoting it. 

Patricia Taxxon has proven to be a person who is irresponsible at best. She has allegedly had inappropriate sexual conduct with minors as young as 13. She also regularly posts her extreme sexual fantasies on her main Tumblr, and has made claims regarding the nature of pedophilic art that she is not qualified to be making. She has also posted from behind closed doors that she has intentionally been manipulative regarding her apologies for her alleged sexual misconduct.

The original victim who accused her was harassed off the internet both times she came out about this, and no longer wishes to be contacted on this matter. However, the idea that any of the allegations were ever rescinded due to misinformation, or proven untrue, is false. In my opinion, I believe the victim’s testimony. It lines up with what I remember the environment of Taxxon’s discord server being like when I was there.

During the production of the short film, I was already aware of some of the accusations made towards Taxxon, but as I was a close friend, I wanted to believe they weren’t true. I was told that she was groomed into doing these things, that she didn’t remember doing them, and that she was likely to commit suicide. She told me she was suicidal on a regular basis during production, especially when the alleged victim was making and then posted a video recounting the allegations. Before that video even came out, she was telling me it was likely to ruin her life irreparably. She had a mutual friend with the victim who was supposedly playing double agent for her, so I heard all about it before and after it came out. I was under the impression that she was in imminent danger of harming herself several times. You can imagine what this might do to a person who cares about her. So, I willfully ignored the allegations for a long time, up until the point that Taxxon showed outward bigotry towards my demographic in a Tumblr meltdown. I deserve criticism for this, and I won’t begrudge anyone who feels like I waited too long or came out with the leaks that I did for selfish reasons. That is your right, and I’m sorry. I decided that all I could do was come out with what I do know and stop supporting this person, even if it costs me opportunities down the line.

Taxxon has also repeatedly shown herself to be extremely unprofessional, even for the standards of an internet drama cycle. She started by vaguely posting about myself on her Tumblr, stating that I am a threat to her, implying that I used her only to “dump her without warning,” and has repeatedly twisted my actions in order to gain sympathy from her Tumblr audience. She even begged her followers for someone else to take her to the Omaha Film Festival, before deleting that addition because she realized it made her look bad.

Her newest gripe with me is that I did not pay her for her work on the film, supposedly finding out partway through the project that she was not being paid. This is untrue. Luka and I were forthright with the fact that we were a team of two college students in Missouri with very little spending money. Thus, we offered her a cut of whatever we ended up making from the film in the festival circuit, planning to split any possible winnings among the three of us based on creative input. We also stated that we would not be taking a cut of any earnings she made off of the sale of the soundtrack, and that it would belong completely to her, just as my characters would to me. If any film companies approached us about the film to license it and the soundtrack, or if they wanted to use her music for another project involving these characters, that money would have gone to her. If she was confused about or had an issue with this arrangement, the time to bring that up would have been when we were discussing the agreement with her, or after any of the many critique sessions we went through with our professors and we were all discussing next steps, or really, any time at all during the year and a half that we were discussing and working on this project. But at no point before, during, or after production did she bring it up. She never suggested a rate, asked about other forms of payment, or anything. I was not holding a gun to her head. She could have brought it up with us at any time, and I am not a mind reader. Her only bringing up the subject now, after all of this time, points clearly to her attempting to extort me or use this issue as a way to gain sympathy from her Tumblr audience. It comes off like she wants to hold this over my head.

All of this not even mentioning that Taxxon was the one to say she wanted to work on the film, years before production started. This started as a collaboration between friends. Luka and I structured our agreement to be a partnership, where none of us were making guaranteed profit off of this project, especially since it is a student work, and we are not established artists with an audience. If anything, the person most likely to make any money off of this arrangement was Taxxon. We considered her an equal participant in this short film, and we wanted it to lift us all up. We gave her full artistic control over what vision she had for the soundtrack, and we often tried to cater our animation to best match it. This is why I found it strange when I asked if she was willing to contribute to festival fees, that she was very flippant with me about it. She stood to gain just as much as us from the film festival circuit, and I had already taken on the workload of doing research on and writing cover letters to each festival. Especially given that I pitched the festival circuit to her as a method to help her get her career offline and away from Kiwifarms, she had a lot to gain from all of this. As someone who had considered her a creative partner, her dismissal felt weird.

This screenshot from the time shows what she said to me regarding the fees, and also shows that she was aware of the arrangement. Thankfully, a lot of this took place on her new Discord account, so I do have the evidence for this portion.

Then, a couple of days later, she asked me if she could stay in my co-directors house or mine for the duration of the Kansas City FilmFest International (or KCFFI). Given she had not contributed to us submitting to that very festival, and had been flippant with me in that same week about the subject, I found it disrespectful. A good friend of mine compared it to “staying at a friend’s house and refusing to help with the grocery tab.”

And the fact that she decided to contribute to the DCP of all things because she “had a vested interest in [the film] sounding good,” as if festival fees were beneath her, but this, now this was something she could be bothered to care about… It was very telling with regards to how she viewed this film.

If she wants to get her 30 bucks back, I can PayPal it back to her.

I stand by everything I said in my testimony on the stream with CrimsonEnder. Honestly, I feel I was much too forgiving on the subject of sexual misconduct, especially since at the time, all of us were trying to gloss over the specific allegations for the victim’s sake, as like I said, they did not want to be involved. As much as Taxxon blustered about “ad-hominems,” I never called her names during the stream. I didn’t even directly call her a transphobe or any kind of bigot. I did not diagnose her with a paraphilia. I specifically stated that her being a trans woman should have nothing to do with why she does the bad things she does. I discussed the things she said and the actions she took. I stated what I remember of our relationship and the events that took place during production, because she had already taken to misrepresenting me in her Tumblr posts. I wanted to lay everything out for full transparency, as she was telling a very specific story about me and who I was. I wanted to present my counter-narrative. I got vulnerable, upset, and fiery at times, but for a public crashout taking place very soon after my falling out of a six year long friendship, I think it gets my points across fine. Especially considering I was still freshly feeling the shock of her outwardly going on a tirade about trans men. The stream is still available on Crim's channel for those who want to hear what I said. Taxxon only presented a couple of my basic notes on the subject that were made to keep me on track.

Taxxon also, notably, sent her followers after CrimsonEnder in a purposeful attempt to incite a harassment campaign against him. She reblogged a reply from him, implying as much, and then he immediately received an anon referring to him with a slur, and saying he was now in “a Panopticon.” Taxxon would later be seen replying in a different but related conversation, misusing the word “Panopticon” in the exact same way (Hint: the term for many people watching one would be a “Synopticon.” A Panopticon refers to one person watching many). You can find Crim's full statement about this incident on his blog.

She also referred to him as a “violent misogynist” who "threatened her in public" in a DM with me where she waved around the fact that she would be justified in “dragging me publicly” for my “betrayal” but wouldn’t, as if it was some big act of charity from her.

Only to, for some reason, make a request to CrimsonEnder (from behind a block) to take my testimony out of his stream and out of his document in a recent post. She is very vested in sowing division between myself and Crim, for what reason I’m not sure. All I know is that she is not above harassing the people who criticize her, and given that, it’s very rich for Taxxon to posture like her not sending her followers after me thus far is an act of goodwill. If I were to guess, now that I have made this statement and cut her off from the project, she will feel much more comfortable going scorched earth. She no longer has a project to protect her connection to.

In Your Orbit will be released at some point in the indefinite future, with a new score and new foley work. I will not be attaching Taxxon’s name to it at all, positively or negatively. I will not be using any of the work that she produced, and I will never work with her in any capacity ever again. I cannot promote the work of a person who acts like this, who hurts others without remorse and uses her power as an influencer to get away with sweeping serious allegations under the rug. Especially given that none of our agreements were set in stone with a signed contract, I have no obligation to continue to associate with her after all she's done. I would be a hypocrite if I used her clout to profit or to expand my career opportunities. Even if it means I have to lose out on networking possibilities, lose the guaranteed audience, and pay out of my pocket to have the film re-scored and have a new foley track added. I am sticking to my principles on this. I refuse to coast on her coattails, and if this means that the film won’t be as successful, then so be it. Any recognition gained through affiliation with Patricia Taxxon is recognition that I don’t want. I don’t want her endorsement, and I don’t want her audience.

I cannot control what Patricia Taxxon says or does. She can do whatever she wants with her life and career, but leave me and my art out of it.

@balconeko can't reblog it because OP has me blocked (what a surprise, OP is also blocking anybody who disagrees with her on that post), but to answer your question: Despite confident claims to the contrary, T4T didn't "originate as a transfemme term for transfemmes", it never meant exclusively transfem 4 transfem, and it still doesn't. That's primarily a recent claim here on Tumblr, often (but not always) among those people who also go as far as claiming that trans culture as a whole is only transfem.

It's a term that (likely) originated on Craigslist as just what it sounds like: Trans person looking for another trans person (to date / hook up with / etc.), as a simple message board shortcut. If you were looking for something more specific, you would specify either in the description of the ad or by adding letters (Tf4Tf, Tm4Tm, Tf4Tm). Over time, it first turned into a self-descriptor (person who prefers trans 4 trans relationships/encounters, "I'm T4T" like saying "I'm lesbian/gay/bi"), and then into a much broader intracommunity activism term which just means trans people standing in solidarity with trans people.

Here's a first-hand account of someone who actually witnessed the inclusive usage on Craigslist, as well as a link to an article that talks about the overall evolution of the term as summarised above. It's a fairly comprehensive article, here's an unapywalled version btw, and there's not a single mention of it ever having been transfem only. That idea doesn't even arise in the article, which is something you would think would be mentioned if it had any credibility.

It talks about some of the help groups in the latter T4T activism stage of development being transfem focused, but that's those particular groups (as is their good right!), and not all of them. The first person quoted is a trans woman working for an organisation focusing on specifically black trans women. One of the other people they interviewed as a first-hand account of the term's development is a trans man who talks about having first encountered it as, quote, a "romantic relationship between two trans people, or as a descriptor for trans people who are only interested in dating other trans people" (as most other first-hand accounts I've seen on here, too) before he witnessed the term broadening into general trans 4 trans solidarity activism, as a term signifying "solidarity and power in the trans community, and an understanding that we are all fighting for the same trans liberation". The focus here is very strongly on trans solidarity, which clearly means all trans people. If somebody thinks "the trans community" means only transfems, then that says more about that person than the community itself.

Bottom line: T4T means exactly what it sounds like, trans for trans. Always has. Claiming that "trans" only means "transfem" is just trying to rewrite history, and another example of the active erasure of transmasc experiences and existence, even from within what's supposed to be our shared community. The only people who benefit from defining transmascs and trans men out of T4T are those who don't want them in the trans community. And besides, that's just not how the term is used, neither back on Craigslist nor today! Tf4Tf (or T4T lesbian) exists for a reason, and that's because T4T means trans4trans, which is all trans people.

A-spec stands for:

Aromantic 

Asexual

Alove

Agender

Aplatonic

Afamilial 

Asensual

Aphysical

Analterous

Aemotional

Anaesthetic

Aqueerplatonic