the memory hurts but does me no harm

Thank you for coming to my this

Any TVL cast member being interviewed: yeah so when I first read the script I wanted to murder Rolin with my bare hands :) haha yeah he butchered my character so badly that I threw my laptop across the room :) aha and then I yelled at him for two hours which only resulted in minor tweaks to the script :) yeah I was so shocked and confused :) and he comes up with scenes that don’t make any sense in-universe. :) and I worry for the future of this tv show :) but it’s alright as long as you think about how [5 min in depth analysis of details that the cast member has come up themselves to justify the season despite these justifications not being evident in the actual show at all] aha :)

sometimes older people get annoyed when i say "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" but the truth is it's literally not a problem

and sometimes you're not welcome

i really dont get this recent development on twitter where transmasc nonbinary lesbians act as if infographics, suggestions, statements, resources, etc for and about trans MEN are actually supposed to be applicable to them. like are you aware that trans men are men and not transmasc nonbinary lesbians and that people sometimes address trans men instead of transmasc nonbinary lesbians. or why are you as a self described nonbinary butch getting mad because you can’t relate to trans male issues

it feels like such a twitter problem too. like you’ll have someone writing a huge thing making all sorts of claims abt the Trans Male Experience or whatever getting mad at other trans men for talking about being a man and living as a man and then at the end of the thread they’re like oh btw im a transmasc non-man if you call me a man youre misgendering me. YOURE NOT A TRANS MAN THEN WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHY DO YOU THINK THIS STUFF IS MEANT TO APPLY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its just the way people talk about armand on here makes it so obvious that nobody genuinely thinks that his sexual abuse was actually bad or that it affected him or even necessarily happened in the first place bc people will earnestly claim that he brings it up to garner sympathy and manipulate people into believing that he’s capable of vulnerability. like nobody wants to believe in armand having any sort of interiority or being affected by his trauma or being vulnerable to being revictimized or retraumatized because they would rather imagine that he actually wants it, that hes asking for it, that hes just fucked up and unfeeling and constantly manipulating people into doing things so he can hold them over their heads while being personally unaffected. they dont want to imagine armand responding to genuine hurt bc they dont think armand is capable of feeling genuine hurt, because they dont actually think that he was affected by his child sex slavery and forced childhood prostitution, because they don’t actually care about childhood sexual abuse and are uninterested in any analysis that would make armand capable of feeling genuine pain from how people treat him romantically or sexually

like there is an extremely obvious hierarchy of who’s allowed interiority and lasting hurt or even the right to operate based on their experiences with abuse and exploitation, who’s allowed to react to trauma triggers, who’s allowed to HAVE trauma triggers, who’s allowed to be affected by their abuse, and its never armand who’s abuse is recognized as real or causing long lasting harm to his psyche bc people are just fundamentally not interested in the psychological effects of having been trafficked as a child and being a child sex slave since he was 12 years old, of having been pimped out by people who owned him including the person he genuinely loved like a father and a god, for possibly a decade and a half. what does that do to someone’s ideas of sex, love, attachment, loyalty, belonging? their sense of self? does anyone fucking care what that does to someone to be treated like a sex object since they were a child? being shown repeatedly that all youre good for is sex for money and favors? not even for yourself but someone else’s profit? hello? is he allowed to be affected by this or is he just categorically denied the right to be hurt or upset or even have any sort of personhood forever?

like ultimately the armand experience is to lash out from hurt over and over and over again and to be sexually victimized and retraumatized over and over and over again either on purpose or without it even having been their intention while everyone blames you for it and claims that you must’ve wanted it and in fact manipulated the other person into it because youre a nonperson sexual manipulator whose transgressions elsewhere must mean you are sexually invulnerable and unabusable and any pain you might feel is something you’re making up to better manipulate ppl who ARE allowed to feel hurt, unlike you, who are broken and evil and entirely scarred over and thus anyone can do anything to you without you having the right to feel anything let alone react in any way whatsoever. YOURE the rapist, YOURE the sexual aggressor, YOURE the person forcing poor innocent people into domming you because you’re just such an irresistible manipulative temptress that probably brainwashed them into it anyway, YOURE the one hurting others by faking submission, and you just have to accept that any sexual trauma you might have just fundamentally isnt allowed to exist, because for it to exist is to abuse the people who are real people with real feelings and real worth in this world. Which you aren’t, and dont have.

its just the way people talk about armand on here makes it so obvious that nobody genuinely thinks that his sexual abuse was actually bad or that it affected him or even necessarily happened in the first place bc people will earnestly claim that he brings it up to garner sympathy and manipulate people into believing that he’s capable of vulnerability. like nobody wants to believe in armand having any sort of interiority or being affected by his trauma or being vulnerable to being revictimized or retraumatized because they would rather imagine that he actually wants it, that hes asking for it, that hes just fucked up and unfeeling and constantly manipulating people into doing things so he can hold them over their heads while being personally unaffected. they dont want to imagine armand responding to genuine hurt bc they dont think armand is capable of feeling genuine hurt, because they dont actually think that he was affected by his child sex slavery and forced childhood prostitution, because they don’t actually care about childhood sexual abuse and are uninterested in any analysis that would make armand capable of feeling genuine pain from how people treat him romantically or sexually

like there is an extremely obvious hierarchy of who’s allowed interiority and lasting hurt or even the right to operate based on their experiences with abuse and exploitation, who’s allowed to react to trauma triggers, who’s allowed to HAVE trauma triggers, who’s allowed to be affected by their abuse, and its never armand who’s abuse is recognized as real or causing long lasting harm to his psyche bc people are just fundamentally not interested in the psychological effects of having been trafficked as a child and being a child sex slave since he was 12 years old, of having been pimped out by people who owned him including the person he genuinely loved like a father and a god, for possibly a decade and a half. what does that do to someone’s ideas of sex, love, attachment, loyalty, belonging? their sense of self? does anyone fucking care what that does to someone to be treated like a sex object since they were a child? being shown repeatedly that all youre good for is sex for money and favors? not even for yourself but someone else’s profit? hello? is he allowed to be affected by this or is he just categorically denied the right to be hurt or upset or even have any sort of personhood forever?