deletedphantasia

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

i have very few passions left in this hollow and empty life of mine but reading yuri genuinely makes me kick my legs and giggle like a school girl. theres still hope for me yet

dude im stuck in a timeloop and the only way to get out is if you let me bite your thigh so hard i leave teeth marks. just trust me dude

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

THIS ENDS HERE. YOU ARE THE PENIS AND I AM THE CAR DOOR

I fully believe in access to safe and fully-informed autonomy over the self but at the same time there are choices I find incomprehensible. This is okay

In a nonexistent perfect world, there is an 80s version of The Muppets Wizard of Oz, where the gang finally meet the wizard. And instead of “pay no mind to the man behind the curtain”- Toto knocks over a table in front of A Wizard Of Oz Muppet Head who bellows PAY NO MIND TO THE MAN BENEATH THE CAMERA!!! And it’s revealed that the wizard was Jim the whole time. And he’s like “im so sorry but i’m just an entertainer you guys are gonna have to go kill the witch on your own. you should probably hurry because there’s only 30 minutes left in the runtime.” I just think that would be funny.

How would you describe a dragon to someone who has never seen a dragon?

sometimes you go on tumblr to get beat up by genies, sometimes you are the genie inviting people to stand single file to get a pie to the face

I feel like some people are very protective of saying "I love you", treating it like some magical words, I've even read people say they consider it a red flag if someone says it before ~6 months of dating which is insane to me. How can you kiss someone regularly without wanting to tell them you love them? "I love you" isn't a promise that I will love you forever, but I love you today and I think that's what matters.

surprisingly forward-thinking of jim henson and co. to make a female character in the 70's that's allowed to be loud-mouthed and violent and kind of overwhelmingly romantic and even a huge bitch at times and not have a moment where any character asks her to change

going through all the muppet movies in a row made me realize that like. miss piggy was made in the 70's. and it's so rare even today to have a character like her. she's loud, she's selfish, she's funny, she's extremely vain, she's obsessed with romance, she's violent, she's kind of annoying, and there's not a single moment in any of these films where she's asked to tone down any of these personality traits. i am not joking when i say that miss piggy might be one of the best treated female characters ever written