the frog in your throat

also go read this comic :^)

They just invented the world’s fastest sandwich. They’re calling it the autobáhn mì

I think we need to let villains be camp again. “Ohhhhh it’s homophobic to always have the villain be camp!” Okay but it’s been like. So boring without them.

And its hot

Also it’s hot, is the thing.

It’s literally hot

in the middle of crying for no reason i was interrupted by the sounds of one of my neighbors blasting "shadow the hedgehog pissed on my fucking wife" so loud it echoed around the courtyard outside

if you think I’m annoying, imagine being me and thinking all of these things 24/7 with no way to turn it off

crack the egg of sympathy and make the omelette of compassion

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars