marvel: clint is a stone cold tough man >:(
me: no :)

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marvel: clint is a stone cold tough man >:(
me: no :)

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this is so funny
"He gave me my mail and said 'Are you expecting anything from Germany?' and I said 'I might be - we've got friends over there'," said Mr Biggs.
"He said 'Have a look at this letter' - so I had a look and turned it over and our friends' address was on the back of it and on the front it just said England."
Mr Biggs said the card had been sent from a sorting office in Germany close to Gloucester's twin town of Trier and had not been opened.
"I said 'How on earth did you know it was for me?' and he said 'I didn't, I've been wandering around with this', said Mr Biggs.
"My wife and I are absolutely shocked but this puts posties at five or six stars and top of the tree for me this Christmas."
The card, it is believed, may have originally been addressed correctly and so was sent to the right area of England - but with an address label that fell off at some point.
A Royal Mail spokesman said: "Royal Mail's team of 'address detectives' are renowned for their ability to ensure poorly addressed items of mail reach their intended recipients however, even by their standards, this is pretty impressive."
the royal mail detectives are a weird bunch, and like if it was addressed right it would get right but i love the idea they went "well it's from Trier so send it to the twinned town first"
Terry Pratchett would have loved this
We really donât talk enough about how Artoo went into the desert to find Obi-Wan because no kid would be stupid enough to follow him into Tusken territory and then this kid chases him down and gets beaten up and his unconscious body is dragged back to his landspeeder and Artoo looked down and went âThis one. This one knows how to have a good time.â
#heâd had adventures but really all those rebels were too cautious for him#heâd served Anakin Skywalker there was just no coming back#and then thereâs this nerdy kid who kinda sorta reminds him of that guy#and then Obi-Wan says âyour father wanted you to have thisâ and pulls out ANAKINâS KRIFFING LIGHTSABER#and Artoo just EXPLODES because NO WAY THIS IS THAT KID??!#and he cross-references his old memory banks and THEREâS PADME NAMING THE KID âLUKEâ THIS IS THE KID#THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM ANAKINâS SON#NO WONDER HE COULDNâT ESCAPE#also no wonder he could fool this idiot to take off the restraining bolt#HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN#and he was ride or die forever#and about two days later he DID die#but he got better#so really WOW this guy IS the best#artoo detoo
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The picture on my ID looks like Ruby Rose???

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Hahaha basically called out a family member (admittedly in a respectful and relatively gentle way, because I may disagree, but I still love him) on Facebook for hypocrisy in their politics and how they treat politics and they LIKED. MY. COMMENT.
Honestlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Iâve finally managed to make a vine compilation short enough that Tumblr will let me post it!
I thought it wasnât possible to crack an egg in your palm like that how to fuck did he
This is a good one 12/10
this is legit my favorite vine compilation ever, iâm crying
This is probably the only vine compilation where I liked every single vine represented.
I needed this so much today
Old illustration of Tiffany Aching đŚ
I hate when comicbook fans gate-keep by running you through a fact-check quiz. Even if youâve ready every comic youâre going to be wrong. Why? Because comics canât even keep their shit together. Bruceâs parents were either killed outside of Mask of Zorro or an opera, their killer is either unknown or Joe Chill, he started as Batman at either 21, 26, 28 or 32. Barry has died six separate times and during several of his absences both Bart and Wally have been the Flash at the same time. Steve has given up Captain America due to anything from a minor cold, dying, wanting to retire and straight up disappearing. God forbid you ask how Tony got his heart.
The only thing we know for certain is that Uncle Ben died and it is always, always, always Supermanâs fault that Lex no longer has hair

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Me, suddenly waking up at 3am: oh god, Night Watch was so powerful
Update:
I didn't do the dumb thing and the crisis is mostly over. Would still appreciate being cheered up as I am riding out an adrenaline dump and therefore depressed.
The âtalking mirrorâ trope from fairy tales probably originated when a careless time-traveler was seen using a Smart phone or a tablet.
#Siri Siri on my phone#how the fuck do I get home
sometimes reddit does good things
Hi, I'm in crisis right now and trying to avoid doing something dumb. Please, please, send me happy/good/uplifting/funny things

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been howling at these for half an hour
(source)
Whoa, I didnât realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious
Scary, scary.
Gonna add on to this: From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, âserve her a stronger drink, Iâm trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?â usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think Iâm a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girlâs more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you donât know is buying you a drink, theyâre NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, theyâre buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and youâre none the wiser.
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesnât give two shits that youâre not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you donât want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that youâd like something light, and thatâs a big clue to us that youâre uncomfortable with whomever youâre standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If youâre in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Hereâs a list of light liquors, and mixers that wonât get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!
Backing this up from years of bar tending.
Adding to this:
When I was a fresh bartender, I had a couple sitting in the corner, already drinking when I started my shift. They seemed like they knew each other really well considering how much they had their hands on one another. But I still came by and asked if they were okay. The man just waved me off while the woman said, âI need some water.â
The man laughed it off and told me, âShe doesnât need any water. Sheâs fine.â
She was not fine. Clearly. I decided I was going to cut the two off anyway and bring them some water. As I was filling up the glasses, I heard the woman say, âStop. I said no. I donât feel good.â
Her tone and attitude changed instantly. She kept pushing his hand away when he reached for her face, turned her head away when he tried to kiss her. Loudly told him, âStop. Iâm done for tonight.â
So I made sure to refill her water the moment she finished it, and I stayed within earshot of them the whole night. And every time I did, the man got mad at me, told me to leave them alone. Their friends were there, surrounding them and told me that those two always fought when they were drunk and apologized, so I relaxed a little. But the last time I refilled her drink, I heard a loud crash.
She fell out of her stool and hit her head on the floor. And he calmly drank his drink. Their friends didnât even blink. I jumped over the bar to tend to her and he just said, âDonât worry, Iâll take her home. She always ends up like this. She drinks too much.â
But it didnât sound right.
Then the woman began convulsing.
I yelled for the other bartender to call 911 and when I did, the guy suddenly disappeared. I tried asking thr friends questions about him and they just blew it off as the woman being a black our drunk. And one of them said, âWeâll get her home. Donât worry.â
But when thr EMTs showed up with the police, they all disappeared too.
A few days later the woman came with an attorney. She asked me and the other bartender who worked before me some questions. Turns out, she didnât know any of those people. They werenât her friends or her boyfriend. They had met that night, when the guy asked her if he could buy her a drink. At the hospital, they found traces of Rohypnol in her system.
The guy had Roofied her. And his friends were in on it.
The security camera footage showed he had put something in her drink when she left for the bathroom before my shift.
So seriously, it happens. You have to be careful with your drinks! Always watch it, donât let anyone handle it, and take it with you wherever you goâeven the bathroom. Or if youâre a regular at that bar, ask the bartender to put it behind the bar. Weâll do it.
Rb for that last add, donât ever worry about being polite! Protect urself!
REBLOG AND SPREAD THE WORD!
I feel like EVERYONE should know this, even if you donât drink.
View this post on Instagram, it shows how easy it is for someone else to slip something into your drink, even if youâre the one holding it
A post shared by Mel | Renaissance Womanhood (@renaissancewomanhood) on Aug 26, 2020 at 7:49am PDT
And donât worry about being polite.
If someone at a bar is giving you shit, yell I SAID NO as loud as you can. SOMEONE will hear.
Wow. I never knew that. Honestly a good test right there: Ask to get anything else. Interested will let you get nachos and predators will get pissed