Steppin' around in the desert of joy

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over” “bend what? over”

I hate this place

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

My friends and I all took a “which Jane Austen love interest would you fall for?” and I was like ooh ooh I hope I get Mr. Knightley. But also if they have Henry Tilney on there he’s super underrated and I would get his humor better than Catherine anyway so I want him too. One of my friends said she wanted Mr. Darcy and I was like eh hard pass. Everyone looked at me like I committed sacrilege and I was like look! I love him! As a character! And I think he’s great for Elizabeth! I am really super happy that Elizabeth ended up with him. And also perfectly content to not be Elizabeth because he’s just not for me. And then we took the test and I got Mr. Darcy and one of my friends said “I forgot not liking him was a prerequisite for falling in love with him” and I threw my phone at her (spiritually, not physically, bc phones are expensive)

rb and tag your favorite song that's not in english, japanese or korean

my favorite thing paul does in interviews is when he mentions a beatles song and then starts singing it to make sure people know it, like he'll say "we were performing she loves you, you know 'she loves you yeah yeah yeah...'" like you literally don't have to do that. everyone knows that song. you are paul mccartney

My personal favorite is when he goes to tell and a story and he prefaces it with "you know, john and I- john lennon and I-" like yeah no we know that. we know who john is. you are the beatles

Let’s fucking go

Google should go back to just providing excellent search results with a relevant paid result at the top. (E.g. when you search for "lawyers in Albany", the paid result is an Albany lawyer)

in chess the queens can kill each other which is toxic yuri and the kings can never get within a square of each other which is doomed yaoi

the funniest part of shards of honour is when cordelia's mum asks her what she sees in aral and she's like...... well its true he's not hot. and he's very strange. and a murderer. and he did keep me prisoner for half a month. and her mom is like [struggling] is he a good conversationalist? and she's like no in fact it gives me nightmares. i likehim because he sucks 👍

oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that tastes good!!” and my dad was like “yeah look at what she did to the other one!!!!” and pulled back the blanket covering my left leg to show a stump with a huge scar on it and i’m pretty sure my dad terrified that poor man