Mostly a Tolkien blog, with occasional smatterings of other things I like. Many thanks to @kashyurio for letting me use her splendid drawing of Nerdanel as an icon!
period cramps gender dysphoria on the iron throne was so on the nose but it was good so i dont even care. what if your body physically recoiled at the seat you've placed it upon. what if the literal site where your body touches the throne is soaked in blood. what if you wanted to bring the symbolic phallic sword. what if you didnt because its not who you are. what if you started bleeding the moment you put it aside. how romantic it must be to be locked away in a castle and made to squeeze out heirs. how romantic it must be to be locked away in a castle and finally sit on the iron throne! what if it was uncomfortable. what if you werent made for this because no one is made for this. what if your womb was a grave. what if it was reminding you right now. what if the thing that you have resented as your defining feature your entire life decided to torture you during the moment you've waited your entire life for. your father bled on this throne too when he pricked his fingers on its sharp edges. is that blood any different? your two eldest sons are dead would you like a bodily reminder that you can have more targaryen heirs? isn't that what its all about? more targaryen heirs? more and more and more targaryen heirs? dont you want to give birth again dont you want to live in this castle and squeeze out more targaryen heirs? dont you wish you were your father your uncle your half-brother dont you wish you were literally anyone else. do you think you would have started bleeding if you just brought the sword. do you think you would have started bleeding if you were just someone else. dont forget your father bled too
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an atmospheric rendering of a re-embodied Celegorm with Huan 2.0 commissioned by the excellent @justdrowthings, pictured here changing into his hunting gear in the forests for the first time after being re-embodied, feeling scritchy and ever so alive đ the dog gives no shits. the dog says âglad you like the sun and shit but pay attention to meâ.
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Can't properly insert the AO3 link AGAIN, so here we go:
Harvest
Summary: KhamĂťl fades before becoming one of The Nine.
Pairing: Mairon x KhamĂťl
Words: 654
Rating: Mature
Warnings: illness, a tiny bit of bodily fluids
As always: If you like this piece, comments on AO3 are appreciated! đ¤
Not beta read!
Find it here under the cut.
The sound of Maironâs bare feet on stone tiles echoes gently through the corridor. He twirls a strand of his hair between his fingers. Blood and gold. A small sharp gust of wind cuts through the stale air from beneath one of the doors. Howling like a hunting hound. Mairon smiles and flicks his wrist. The howling stops.
Maironâs ears pick up another thing. A soft rustling sound. Dark fabric on sandstone. Mairon looks up. Doesnât need to.Â
Down the flight of desert-coloured stairs walks what is left of the boy-king. Clad in black, lavish death. All colour has long since fled the child, save for his gold. KhamĂťlâs slender hand brushes along the balustrade as he walks, hesitantly, almost, not grasping, not yet.Â
Laboured breaths turn into coughs.Â
Autumn has come.
KhamĂťl falters briefly, then moves closer. Mairon seizes his arm with one hand, brushes against his thick dark locks with the other, his ear, tucks a strand of hair behind it, then lifts the black veil covering the boyâs face. The delicate golden chains attached to it jangle softly. The boyâs eyes are watering, his lips are dry. Mairon caresses his cheek with the sharp nail of his index finger.
âWhat is it, my child?â
KhamĂťl merely shakes his head, slowly first, then with more force. The boy grips Maironâs wrist. He then sinks against Mairon, who catches him by the waist. Mairon smiles.
âShhhh. Let me help you.â He moves them both to a divan resting against the wall, straightens his robe before he sits, and lays KhamĂťl down with his head in Maironâs lap. KhamĂťl wheezes. Sweat beads on his temples. The boy draws his knees up and wraps his arm around Maironâs legs, grasps the flesh between Maironâs knee and thigh with trembling fingers.
The parent-less ruthless young king basked in Maironâs promises, and asked too few questions, and now, now he asks none still, and more and more darkness shrouds him and strips the childish greed and wonder he still clings to like a lionâs cub from him, layer by layer. KhamĂťl is scared. Mairon delights in it.
âI am dying.â A whisper. Not a question.Â
Mairon wants to revel in the boyâs agony longer. He strokes KhamĂťlâs temple, his damp hair. The child takes a deep breath.Â
âSpeak,â Mairon breathes with him.
âMy mother⌠She used to speak of you.â KhamĂťl swallows, turns his head towards Mairon, only a little. âFear was always in her voice.â
Mairon gifts him quiet laughter, continues to stroke the boyâs face.
âMotherless one, it is what you wished for. I am your mother now. Your father.â Mairon kisses KhamĂťlâs ear. âI am your healer. Death is just another gift.â Mairon takes the boyâs hand in his, runs his fingertips over the ring. âI unmake and I remake you. Stronger than youâve ever been. I forge you anew, my child, and you will be deadly.â Mairon twines his fingers with KhamĂťlâs. âI am the womb that rebirths you.â
KhamĂťl shifts in Maironâs lap. Mairon lets his hand wander to the boyâs waist, his thigh, runs his fingernails across the black fabric of his robe, imagines the clammy flesh underneath. The Nine, they seem to gravitate towards the dark by nature.Â
KhamĂťl presses himself against Mairon. Turns to face him and smiles a carcass-grin. Mairon runs his fingers along the back of his thigh. KhamĂťl suddenly coughs again, doesnât stop coughing, heaves and retches. Mairon holds him. When it is over, he lies still, breathing strained breaths. Something dark stains the boyâs mouth. Mairon dips a finger into the fluid and licks it. Spit, blood, and mucus from his lungs. It tastes rotten. Mairon smiles and lets the taste linger on his tongue.Â
He shifts to lie behind the child, wraps his arm around KhamĂťlâs torso. All softness gone. KhamĂťl feels thinner. Mairon kisses his nape, sneers, and lets the autumn winds resume.
i am not a psychiatrist but i do find it really weird how autism checklists are so often focused on "outward" signs of autism rather than what is going on internally. i don't know how to explain it but "do you make eye contact with other people" feels like a much less relevant question than "how does it feel when you have to make eye contact with other people?"
while i'm here, the other one that always pisses me off is "do you interpret idioms literally, for example 'bull in a china shop'?"
well, no, obviously. i know what "bull in a china shop" means because that is a popular phrase with a clearly defined meaning. and if i hadn't heard it before, then i would still not interpret it literally, because it has the cadence of an idiom and i would probably be able to work out from context what it meant. what is the point of this question
third and final complaint: "are you good at noticing subtext?"
i feel like the problem with this question is best illustrated by a conversation i had with a friend a while back, where i said something like, "i feel very safe with you because you don't do subtle hints and you are always very straight-up with me about what you are thinking and feeling."
and he laid a hand on my shoulder and was like, look dude i'm gonna be straight up here. i am subtle with you constantly and you simply do not notice <3
On the days Elwing longs to be back in those caves again, speaking of them to the birds of Aman is the only thing that takes her there. How strange, that those cramped, reeking, salt-worn hollows, temporary as everything else in her early life, are the most enduring thing she carries. Even stranger, that she can close her eyes in the eternal gardens of Aman and still feel Sirion's rock caves under her feet, her caves, those unforgiving labyrinths, studded with sharp seaglass and crusted barnacles, slick with bladder-wrack and kelp. Where she need only call but once for her children and trust the caves to send her voice to wherever they'd wandered.
a rough piece i did today to try and experiment a little, drawn entirely freehand in 60 mins with a single oil brush with no undersketch, featuring beloved Elwing in the grips of sleeplessness and solitude in Valinor, words from the sonorous dark đ thank you @peasant-player for encouraging the style experimentation
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I have a very rough idea in my head that I don't think I can clearly articulate beyond "And that concludes tonight's reports on German air forcâWHAT'S THIS? IT'S KING ARTHUR WITH A STEEL CHAIR"
This isn't exactly the same idea but it could be but there is more rattling around in here so:
The Blitz here manages to qualify as Britain's Darkest Hour, thus triggering the return of Arthur from the Realm Avalon.
He does not speak a lick of modern English. He speaks an unholy mishmash of Brittonic and Late Classical Latin.
(Honestly I can see the latter becoming a plot point if they manage to get their hands on a Roman Catholic priest to act as a translator. It wouldn't be a perfect arrangement, but probably better than anything else.)
Truthfully he probably gets mistaken for a madman.
Somehow manages to steal a Spitfire out from under the RAF's nose, proceeds to use it to bring down like half an enemy squadron on his own, then lands in a field in the middle of nowhere.
Police and RAF converge on his location on account of the whole "stealing a plane" thing. They eventually overwhelm him with sheer numbers, but he manages to knock out an impressive number of them in the process. I mean, come on. It's Arthur.
⼠ominous, known, wind, sounds ⼠but the sea is wide, and I can't swim over / neither have I wings to fly ⼠All my stories are about being left, / all yours about leaving. So we should have known.
A great storm roared outside the Havens, the winds making her little home shudder ominously. The twins slept in a basket of shore reeds at her feet, wrapped in blankets stuffed with the down of shorebirds, blissfully unaware of the danger nature posed to them. She worked by candlelight, the sounds of her loom clacking rhythmically. This fabric would become a tunic, she thought, for Eärendil, away at sea. How she wished to sail again, wished for the winds to be useful again, instead of frightful. She understood why he left, again and again. She wished he didnât have to.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
At the meeting of their eyes, Melkor smiles, teeth agleam in the candlelight. Behind that smile there is something like victory. Like power infatuated with itself.
And then Melkor kisses him: leaning in, he brings their lips together, nothing more than a graze, a delicate flicker of tongue; and Mairon wants it yet does not, doesnât want it yet burns for it.
They warned him about this, his friends, Gothmog and Thuringwethil, they looked at him darkly when he told them who he was bedding and they spoke words of foreboding: that their master cannot love anything he has not destroyed first. He laughed at their concerns, back then. He thought himself invincible.
How wrong he was. How foolish.
He kisses Melkor back. He throws himself into it, open mouth to open mouth, wants to bite but does not dare to commit such sacrilege.
There are a great many things he does not dare to do anymore.
Some of you may know that my lovely partner @markedasinfernal wrote a fic for me, Small and Pleasant Things, and this fic has been living rent-free in my head to the point where I had to write a little follow-up to it, hence the above!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
At the meeting of their eyes, Melkor smiles, teeth agleam in the candlelight. Behind that smile there is something like victory. Like power infatuated with itself.
And then Melkor kisses him: leaning in, he brings their lips together, nothing more than a graze, a delicate flicker of tongue; and Mairon wants it yet does not, doesnât want it yet burns for it.
They warned him about this, his friends, Gothmog and Thuringwethil, they looked at him darkly when he told them who he was bedding and they spoke words of foreboding: that their master cannot love anything he has not destroyed first. He laughed at their concerns, back then. He thought himself invincible.
How wrong he was. How foolish.
He kisses Melkor back. He throws himself into it, open mouth to open mouth, wants to bite but does not dare to commit such sacrilege.
There are a great many things he does not dare to do anymore.
Some of you may know that my lovely partner @markedasinfernal wrote a fic for me, Small and Pleasant Things, and this fic has been living rent-free in my head to the point where I had to write a little follow-up to it, hence the above!
@sauron-kraut MWAH thank you so much for the tag <3 For once in my life I do actually have an ongoing WIP, set in @markedasinfernalâs Small and Pleasant Things universe.
*
The door creaks open and a shadow darker than the dimness of the bedchamber slips through it. Mairon was expecting it, him, felt his presence as soon as he let himself into his quarters, preceded by a wave of power dark and sticky as molasses.
From where he lies among his pillows, he sits up.
âAwake still?â Melkor whispers as he shuts the door, as he glides on his shadowy feet nearer to the bed.
âI do not fall asleep so easily, these days,â Mairon answers. With a thought he lights the candles sitting on the little ornate tables either side of his bed. The darkness recedes, except for his master who looms beside him robed all in black and framed by his long, inky hair and with a smile on his face that is not glad to see him butâhungry.
Something in Mairon unfurls, something deep in his core shudders; and he hates himself a little for it.
*
I believe most of the people I wouldâve tagged have already been tagged BUT I would like to add @elevenelvenswords @mossquitoman @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe if you lovelies would like to share (zero pressure).
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