Cleromancy

I highly recommend watching this testimony from Aliya Rahman, the disabled woman who was dragged out of her car and kidnapped by ICE on her way to a doctor appointment in Minneapolis a few weeks ago.

ICE: Hi, we need a vehicle towed. We’re at 1234 North Main Street.

Ally Tow Truck Driver: Yessir, I’ll be there as soon as I can. ETA is about 20-30 minutes.

***35 minutes later***

ICE: Where the fuck is my tow?

Ally tow truck driver: We’re arriving at 1234 South Main right now.

ICE: 🤬🤬🤬 We said 1234 NORTH Main you incompetent morons.

Ally Tow Truck: Oh no, we’re so sorry. We’re sending a truck there immediately.

… and then they keep fucking up until ICE figures out that the tow isn’t ever coming.

Please if you have a chance, report this GoFundMe!

Here’s the Report Fundraiser link: https://www.gofundme.com/contact/suggest/fraud

This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.

We also didn't have a Gay Straight Alliance chapter yet. Virtually every support group you could find, even in navy blue states, was a local chapter of the GSA. You were much more likely to find that acronym than LGBTQ+.

Our school decided we wanted one, but we wanted to be inclusive, because we knew there were other letters. We called our group "Spectrum", because it would cover everyone, including allies.

It took three meetings in front of the school's board of directors to get permission for the club to exist. Again, this was a private school, in a mid-Atlantic state that has been navy blue and "progressive" for decades (even at that point).

Other than the one (1) kid who was out? Every single other member said we were Allies.

Nearly 20 years later, almost every single one of us is out as some flavor of queer.

A lot of us knew we were huge supporters of queer rights, we just didn't quite know all the reasons why yet. Asexuality wasn't discussed the way it is now, neither was any type of gender nonconformity. Hell, bisexuality was barely acknowledged, and even then it was mostly only given a nod as "girls who turn guys on by kissing girls" (biphobia was strong, and unfortunately still is).

Making sure allies have a space at our table ensures that people have the space to explore their own identity, to question if one of our labels might work for them too.

It also allows people who may have some baked-in prejudices realize that those prejudices are wrong. That we're not evil and hateful, that we are actually pretty nice and friendly.

One time, some friends and I were at a pretty famous local gay bar, and this guy walked in looking like he was ripped out of the pages of Redneck Magazine. He looked super uncomfortable, but he was polite to the hostess and she sat him alone, near us. A lot of people were tense, and watching him out of the corner of our eyes, because we all knew what happened at Pulse.

But one of my friends is the person who knows absolutely everyone and goes out of their way to make new friends. He's also a cis straight guy. He leans over, compliments the guy's Carhartt jacket, and asks if he's ever been to the place before.

The guy, who is still kind of tense, says his name is Johnny and no, he's never been to no queer bar before, but his sister just came out to the family. Their parents were awful about it, and while he "didn't understand it", he didn't think his sister should be disowned and hated the thought of seeing her cry, so he wanted to try and understand.

I remembered the story that's made the rounds here- about the guy named Earl who went to a drag show and everyone made him feel welcome because they knew he needed to have a good time to prove we queer folks were safe.

So I invited Johnny to sit with us. "It's more fun than sitting alone. Here, have some of my fries, I'm probably not going to finish them anyway."

He sat at our table, and when he found out that my friend was also a cis straight guy, he visibly relaxed. So did a lot of other patrons, once they realized he wasn't there to cause violence.

Over the next few hours, he ate great food, had a couple beers, clapped and smiled at the drag shows, and asked a LOT of questions. At first, he was using language we might call "un-PC" (the kind that would get you cancelled on this webbed site). But he realized we were using different words, and asked. He asked why the old words were wrong, why the newer ones were right, and how not to be offensive.

The staff found out what was going on, and eventually a card got passed around the whole joint and everyone wrote supportive messages for Johnny's sister Lila. This big tough man felt safe enough to cry a little in front of us queer strangers, because we instantly accepted his sister as one of our own, as family, even though we'd never met her.

I'd later found out from the staff that Johnny had returned, more than once. A couple times with Lila herself, and a couple times with his friends... who were gruff and suspicious at first, but won over by the end of the night.

We need to be a safe space for allies. For people who may not use all the Correct And Accepted Special Words but genuinely want to understand and accept us. As someone who is both asexual and nonbinary, I felt way safer with Johnny (despite him using outdated terminology for a while) than I do with a lot of people on THIS QUEER ASS WEBSITE.

Allies are sometimes members of the family that don't even know they're in the closet yet, because they don't know the closer includes people like them.

Allies are sometimes people who don't know the right words or behaviors, but still want to support someone they love.

I got a magnet hook a bunch of those hanging desiccant bags. When I’m done using the machine, I quickly wipe down the inside of the machine with a microfiber cloth (which I keep handy by clipping to the side of the machine with a magnetic chip clip), then use the magnetic hook to hang the desiccant bag inside. It draws moisture out and helps truly dry out the machine.

My description might not make sense, so here’s a picture.

Look at all that water!

When I need to do a load, the hook and bag both pop right off. I just attach them to the side of the machine until I’m done doing laundry.

When I first moved to Prague I had a colleague who had such great style, and I always complimented her because I thought she was hot and cool. Years later when we were friends, she told me that she always suspected me of trying to manipulate her somehow because that is not how Czechs roll, and it was really inconceivable to her that I was simply complimenting her with no ulterior motive, but that's culturally normal to me?

Also, I am married to a British person, and his mother is an artist -- she's a collograph print-maker, and she told me that whenever she wants a pick me up, she sends photos of her latest prints to me, because I can be counted upon to say something nice. What can I say? I love her work? Her prints are beautiful, so...not faking?

And he was like...are all of you like that? You say nice things to total strangers as if you're life-long friends??

And the entire comment section was like: Yup. Absolutely. This is 100% a thing we do.

And someone looked up a picture of the backpack and shared it and we were all like OMG THAT IS AN AMAZING BACKPACK yeah if I saw someone in any city on earth wearing that thing I would in fact say something.

Sometimes posts on that subreddit are a trash fire, but we were all so happy to talk about times we've told strangers compliments or been complimented by strangers.

And I can see why people who aren't used to it can find it creepy. Especially since there are people who use this in creepy/awkward ways - I've seen a lot of fuckboys use this sort of thing to hit on women who can't say much back without looking like they're breaking the social contract.

However if you ask an American how they’re doing and they say, “I’m fine,” we are mother fucking lying through our mother fucking teeth.