Lots of posts queued, random assortment. ADHD is tagged âadhd more like adhmeâ. Cute animals are tagged Pothead. Other tags & interests vary from day to day. Religion and folklore goes on my side blog. He/him, queer
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One of my controversial takes is that I kind of hate the term "rejection sensitive dysphoria" wrt adhd because it's so clearly the same thing as being anxious and insecure in relationships w trauma based disorders but people talk about it like it's just an intrinsic part of your brain that you're simply Too Sensitive & not, like, a consequence of every neurodivergent person alive being bullied as a child. Like that thing of how there aren't any non-traumatized autistic people to study
Like if you have Struggles Socially Disorder you're going to be disliked by most of your peers growing up & you'll be affected by this. Maybe you'll get nervous about people not liking you. & then people will try and tell you your problem is that you have Sensitive Bitch Disorder because you're paranoid
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Thinking about what the meaning of "You believe in God?" "It's better than the alternative" becomes when specifically Eva Stratt says it. Better than the alternative, which is that there is no power in all of this that is higher than me
ok so I did some further diving and this isn't so much a new genre as it's just a fairly niche one â č§ĺćŞč° rules horror, i.e. a horror story told through increasingly bizarre and disturbing rules
I initially came across the online short story ăĺ¨çŠĺč§ĺćŞč°ă, which comes out to something like "Strange Tales of the Zoo Rules." it opens with 15 rules for visitors to follow while visiting the city zoo, beginning innocuously but swiftly veering into inexplicable strangeness:
Rule #1: There are absolutely no problems with the security measures in this zoo. There is no possibility of animals escaping, particularly small herbivores, most of which are kept in closed environments. If you see a rabbit escaping on the roadside, please take your children away and report it to the staff immediately. Do not approach the rabbit or touch it, particularly if the rabbit notices you and begins to approach at high speeds.
[...]
Rule #6: There is no aquarium in this zoo. If a staff member sells you a ticket to the aquarium, refuse them.
Rule #7: If you have already seen the aquarium, please leave immediately and call the phone number marked on the map.
the visitor rules are then followed by the employee rules, which continue to escalate in peculiarity:
Rule #1: If you find an escaped rabbit, do not immediately capture it or approach it. Lead it to the lion enclosure and leave the rest to the white lions.
[...]
Rule #6: There is no aquarium in this park. If your colleague mentions the aquarium to you and seems confident that it exists, stop the conversation immediately. This colleague is no longer
the person you know.
Rule #7: If you see the aquarium, do not enter. Tell yourself that it does not exist and leave immediately.
Soon, the various rules begin to contradict themselves:
NOTICE POSTED AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE AQUARIUM
If you are lucky enough to see this notice, please do not make it public. [...] You have surely noticed from the rules on the map that this zoo is not only unsafe, but also strange and disturbing. We are an undercover government organization determined to protect innocent visitors. Please be sure to abide by the following rules to ensure your safety. This is your only way to escape from this zoo.
Rule #1: Enter the aquarium. There is no one here. Pick up a black uniform at the door and put it on...
versus:
NOTICE POSTED INSIDE THE AQUARIUM
Rule #1: Do not enter the aquarium when there are people. If you are greeted by a staff member after you enter, please find an excuse to leave immediately after reading this notice.
[...]
Rule #7: Our staff wear red uniforms and only conduct daily routine cleaning and inspection of the aquarium after 12:30 A.M. If you meet someone in a black uniform who claims to be a staff member of the aquarium, you can talk to them, or agree to let them serve as a temporary tour guide, but do not give them your map, especially the part torn along the dotted line.
[...]
Rule #9: The aquarium exists and does not serve any organization.
versus:
A note posted in the security room by a security guard working in the elephant enclosure three years ago:
Rule #1: Always remember the color of your clothes. It can be any color: red, blue, or black. Do not change the color of your clothes. It is very important to remain firm in your self-perception. Do
not let "it" find out that you are hesitant and indecisive in your perception of the outside world....
through these found texts, which include official rules, unofficial signage, and torn scraps of notes with frantic, increasingly incoherent scribbles in the margins from people trying to escape, the story builds an unsettling portrait of this zoo through negative space â a zoo that you, the reader, can only catch glimpses of as you try to piece together what's going on through in/consistencies in the found texts
the short story is both puzzle and adventure, horror seeping through the increasingly porous membrane of the mundane. given that various rules contradict themselves, which ones are the rules that will guarantee your safety, and which ones will deliberately sabotage you? which ones were written by someone in their right mind, and which ones were interfered with in order to trap more victims for "its" amusement?
anyway, more poking around revealed that rules horror is a whole subgenre of (mostly) short fiction that renders the ordinary uncanny and the mundane horrific through the sharp contrast of something as "dry and boring" as rules conveying bizarre and illogical information. the specific medium of "rules" places the reader in medias res, situating the reader in a lineage of discovery as anonymous forerunners test boundaries, hypothesize rules, die in obscure and disturbing ways, go mad for undisclosed and unknowable reasons. the subgenre also resonates with video game-style storytelling despite being static; there is a sense of the narrative being pushed forward by "actions taken" and an assumed end goal of "clearing the level" (escaping the zoo)
and perhaps this specific overlap with video game logic particularly aligns rules horror with unlimited flow, because hardly a month after I first stumbled across these silly little blind box theaters that the worldbuilding of rules horror showed up in the unlimited flow novel I was reading, so it's been very cool to see the intertextuality manifest right in front of me in real time
okay! looks like folks are pretty into the concept of rules horror!
for those of you remarking on its overlap with SCP and creepypasta, you're completely right â I didn't do as in-depth of a dive on this genre as I did with unlimited flow, but the various articles that I was looking through noted that recent iterations of rules horror (specifically the ones inspired by ăĺ¨çŠĺč§ĺćŞč°ă, which went viral at the tail end of 2021) owe a great deal to the genre/concepts of SCP
for folks interested in the short story ăĺ¨çŠĺč§ĺćŞč°ă "Strange Tales of the Zoo Rules," I pulled the text from here and edited an MTL of the text under the cut:
VISITOR RULES FOR THE CITY ZOO
Dear visitors, welcome to the largest zoo in the city. We have collected most of the animals in the world and ensured that each animal has a suitable habitat. We hope that you and your children enjoy your sightseeing! While sightseeing, please be sure to abide by the following rules to ensure your safety. If you do not, you will be responsible for the consequences of your own actions.
1. There are absolutely no problems with the security measures in this zoo. There is no possibility of animals escaping, particularly small herbivores, most of which are kept in closed environments. If you see a rabbit escaping on the roadside, please take your children away and report it to the staff immediately. Do not approach the rabbit or touch it, particularly if the rabbit notices you and begins to approach at high speeds.
2. The ape enclosure has only one street. Only apes are on display there. If you encounter two streets, and the animals on display include rabbits, please choose the path on the left and conclude your visit to the enclosure as quickly as possible.
3. Elephants are huge creatures with fan-like ears, large bodies, and legs as thick as pillars. They are not white in color. Please make sure that you see only elephants in the elephant enclosure.
4. The zoo's beverage store does not provide "rabbit blood." If you see it on the shelf, please do not buy it.
5. Do not stay alone under the shade of the trees in the rabbit enclosure.
6. There is no aquarium in this zoo. If a staff member sells you a ticket to the aquarium, refuse them.
7. If you have already seen the aquarium, please leave immediately and call the phone number marked on the map.
8. Do not feed the rabbits. The rest of the animals can be fed.
9. Rabbits do not laugh. If you hear laughter that is obviously not coming from the direction of visitors while visiting the rabbit enclosure, please tear off the section along the dotted line on the map and hold it in your hand before leaving the enclosure. Do not let go until you have completely left the zoo.
10. If you violate any of the above rules and find yourself lost and separated from the people you came with, please immediately find the nearest beverage store within an hour and tell the salesperson wearing a blue uniform (note, if you see a salesperson wearing a black uniform, please pretend not to hear what they say to you). They will immediately take you to the employee corridor behind the lion enclosure. Do not be afraid: the lions here will not attack you. Hide behind the artificial rock face. When all the white lions have finished roaring, the staff will take you out of the park (please make sure they are wearing a blue uniform). At this time, your family and friends will be waiting for you at the entrance of the lion enclosure. After all of this, leave the zoo immediately.
11. There are only four white lions in the zoo. If you see more than four white lions roaring in the situation described in Article 10, do not leave the enclosure and inform the staff. Wait until the number of white lions returns to four before leaving.
12. You can buy any animal-related toys, including rabbits, for children aged 12 and under. Children aged 13-17 should discard the rabbit toys within one month after buying them. People aged 18 and over are not permitted to buy rabbit toys.
13. If you see someone wearing rabbit earrings following the crowd into the elephant enclosure, you must give up on visiting that area of the zoo. If you violate this article, the zoo is not responsible for your safety and cannot provide you with a solution.
14. The lion enclosure is safe. If you encounter any dangerous incidents that you cannot solve, and you cannot ask for help, please go to the lion enclosure immediately and by any means possible.
15. Be wary of friends who have been separated from you more than once, especially if they repeatedly urge you to go to the aquarium or elephant enclosure.
As long as you follow the above rules, you will have a pleasant trip to the zoo! You and your children will gain countless joy and knowledge! Follow the rules, pay attention to safety, and we wish you and your family and friends a lovely trip!
EMPLOYEE RULES
The park has extremely competitive employee benefits, an overtime rate of ten times the usual salary, a large amount of annual leave, and insurance for all employees. We hope that you will keep the employee rules in mind while diligently working and ensuring your own safety. Life is precious, and everyone has only the one. Please protect yourself on behalf of your family and abide by the following rules.
1. If you find an escaped rabbit, do not immediately capture it or approach it. Lead it to the lion enclosure and leave the rest to the white lions.
2. There is only one street in the ape enclosure. If a visitor reports that there are two streets and the animals on display include rabbits, please lead the visitors in the enclosure to the street on the left and close the entrance to the enclosure. After all visitors have left the enclosure, block off the ape enclosure for at least ten minutes.
3. If, while inspecting the elephant enclosure, you find that the elephant you observe is very inconsistent with the image of the elephant on the sign, stop observing and repeatedly tell yourself that the real elephant is the creature on the sign, not what you see.
4. If you work in a beverage store, please check the shelves once per hour. If you find "rabbit blood" on the shelves that seemingly appeared from nowhere, collect it immediately and store it properly.
5. Trim the bushes in the rabbit enclosure every month, and try to avoid letting shade appear in the enclosure.
6. There is no aquarium in this park. If your colleague mentions the aquarium to you and seems confident that it exists, stop the conversation immediately. This colleague is no longer the person you know.
7. If you see the aquarium, do not enter. Tell yourself that it does not exist and leave immediately.
8. The rabbits should be fed at an interval of once every seven days. No snacks other than the specified ingredients should be fed to them.
9. If you hear laughter that obviously does not come from the visitors in the rabbit enclosure, tear off the last page of the employee handbook along the dotted line and hold it in your hand, then go to the elephant enclosure. There, throw the page onto the grass in the enclosure. Other members of the staff will understand what happened and will not reprimand you for littering.
10. If a visitor asks you for help and claims that they have been separated from their companions in violation of the visitor rules, immediately take this person to the lion enclosure and hand them to the staff there. They will know what to do. During this period, you may encounter colleagues in black uniforms trying to interfere in your work. Refuse and ignore them. They are not your colleagues.
11. There are only four white lions in the lion enclosure. If the number of white lions suddenly increases to more than four, take out the "rabbit blood" and show it to them. Splash it on the first white lion that runs over. After doing all this, leave immediately. Do not follow the extra white lions during this period.
12. Do not privately store, sort, purchase, or wear rabbit merchandise. In fact, try not to touch any rabbit merchandise that appears in the park. If a visitor asks to buy rabbit merchandise, confirm that the person is underage. Otherwise, do not sell it.
13. If you see someone with rabbit earrings entering the elephant enclosure, immediately disperse nearby visitors and guard the entrance of the elephant enclosure until you hear the sound of children screaming inside.
14. It is normal to feel tinnitus, chest tightness, migraines, or swelling and redness around your eyes for five minutes, so don't worry too much. If the phenomenon lasts for more than five minutes, stop working immediately and do whatever you can to get to the lion enclosure as quickly as possible.
15. Treat the white lions kindly. When there are only four white lions, there is no need to be on guard against them. They have been trained to be friendly with humans. If you are unfortunately attacked by a white lion in a normal state but do not die immediately, ignore rules 6 and 7. Do not rush to the hospital. You will not die. After departing the lion enclosure, go to the aquarium â you will find it soon. There, you will put on a black uniform.
NOTICE POSTED AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE AQUARIUM
If you are lucky enough to see this notice, please do not make it public. It is taboo to let others know that you can see it. You have surely noticed from the rules on the map that this zoo is not only unsafe, but also strange and disturbing. We are an undercover government organization determined to protect innocent visitors. Please be sure to abide by the following rules to ensure your safety. This is your only way to escape from this zoo.
1. Enter the aquarium. There is no one here. Pick up a black uniform at the door and put it on. This is the only way to send a rescue signal to our staff. When you walk outside, our staff will notice your clothes. Do not worry about the official staff of the zoo causing trouble for you; they will not pay attention to you.
2. Do not go to the lion enclosure.
3. Make sure there are rabbits everywhere you are: escaped rabbits, rabbit merchandise, people with rabbit earrings, or rabbit blood in the beverage store. Rabbits are our secret code, they symbolize safety and protection.
4. When visiting the elephant enclosure, do not look at the signs.
5. Do not trust any slogan on the map, and do not follow any of the instructions. If you follow any of the instructions, please immediately inspect the dotted line on your map, which was provided at the zoo entrance for every visitor. Tear it off along the dotted line and go to the rabbit enclosure, and attempt to feed the paper to the rabbits as unobtrusively as possible. Remain here. When you hear laughter that obviously does not come from the direction of the visitors, you can leave the area. After this, please go to the ape enclosure. The safe exit will be at the end of the street on the right.
NOTICE POSTED INSIDE THE AQUARIUM
1. Do not enter the aquarium when there are people. If you are greeted by a staff member after you enter, please find an excuse to leave immediately after reading this notice.
2. If no staff member appears even after you see this notice, you can stay here to sightsee and rest. The food here is free, and you can help yourself, but do not consume "goat meat." If you see such items on the shelf, please ignore them.
3. If you enter before 16:00, you cannot stay in the aquarium for more than half an hour.
4. If you enter after 16:01, you must stay in the aquarium for at least four hours.
5. This is an aquarium, which only houses marine life. If you see an elephant swimming in the whale tank, please do not shout or react. This is a tasteful 3D projection. Treat it normally, and pretend it is a whale.
6. The aquarium can be used for overnight stays. There are temporary hourly rooms on the left side of the jellyfish tank for homeless people or visitors. If in use, please turn off the built-in jellyfish night light in the room before going to sleep.
7. Our staff wear red uniforms and only conduct daily routine cleaning and inspection of the aquarium after 12:30 A.M. If you meet someone in a black uniform who claims to be a staff member of the aquarium, you can talk to them, or agree to let them serve as a temporary tour guide, but do not give them your map, especially the part torn along the dotted line.
8. If you violate the above regulations, you will be responsible for any consequences to your safety as a result.
9. The aquarium exists and does not serve any organization.
AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE RULES
1. The aquarium does not need employees to work during the day. Your working hours are from 12:30 AM to 6:00 AM the next day. You can arrive late or leave early. Never arrive early or work overtime.
2. The hourly guest rooms on the left side of the jellyfish area are prepared for homeless people and visitors in need. After work, please check whether if occupants have turned off the jellyfish night light before 1:00 AM. If not, remind them until they turn it off. You have the right to forcibly turn off the jellyfish night light. In any case, do not leave the jellyfish night light on after 1:15 AM.
3. The drowned elephant carcass in the whale area is an experimental 3D projection. No matter how real it looks, don't worry about it. Just ignore it. Do not investigate the switch. It doesn't need to be turned off.
4. The equipment in the monitoring room is damaged and inconvenient to repair, so please patrol once every hour. Sudden power outages and unknown noises are normal. There is no need to worry about the safety of the fish. If you feel uneasy, you can rest in the jellyfish area. The jellyfish area has a complete power supply system, and will have no power outages.
5. It is normal for outside visitors to possess a zoo map. Do not answer the question of where the aquarium is located in the zoo. If the other party insists on asking, you can leave the interaction immediately.
6. Remember to charge the jellyfish night light before leaving work on Sunday. Do not forget to do so, no matter what.
7. Change the food on the shelf once a day. If you find unfamiliar food marked "goat meat," please put it a separate storage box in the whale area. Someone will handle it for you.
8. You can walk anywhere in the aquarium during work, but do not leave the aquarium. If the overnight visitors try to leave before 6:00 AM, try to dissuade them. If you cannot stop them, there is no need to get into a physical fight or to follow them out. Simply continue to do your own work.
9. If the overnight visitors wear uniforms similar to yours but in black, refuse their stay and drive them away with force. There are electric batons and tranquilizer guns on the workbench in the jellyfish area.
10. If the overnight guests bring rabbit merchandise, steal them after they fall asleep and put them in the storage box in the whale area. The guests will not ask you for these items after they wake up.
11. If overnight guests try to chat with you, you can speak with them so long as it does not delay turning the lights off in time. Do not mention the zoo. If the other party mentions it, change the subject immediately.
12. The aquarium is independently operated and there is no zoo outside. Keep this in mind.
A note picked up by tourists with a scribbled note on the corner: "escape and survive"
1. "Rabbit blood" does not exist, it is "goat meat" (this note was repeatedly written and crossed out, and the crossed-out content is unclear)
2. The goat enclosure is an elephant (a crookedly-drawn elephant with rabbit ears is drawn under this sentence)
3. Rabbits will eat apes (this sentence was crossed out, and the word "ape" is circled with a question mark). You cannot talk to the staff in the ape enclosure, you cannot go out, you cannot feed the apes, and you cannot enter when there is only one road.
4. You cannot enter the aquarium when no one is there.
5. Only "goat meat" is edible.
6. If the lights are turned off in the aquarium at night, you can stay overnight in the aquarium. They will not lock the door.
7. The first four white lions are apes, the fifth white lion is a goat, the rabbit is an elephant, blue is black (this sentence is emphasized)
8. You are an elephant. (this sentence is written in extremely poor handwriting)
9. I am a goat. (this sentence is written in extremely neat handwriting)
Someone left a piece of paper in the guest room on the left side of the jellyfish area of ââthe aquarium. It has been placed in the storage box of the whale area by the staff:
(The beginning and edge of the paper are full of scribbles of "so scared" âI want to get out aliveâ "don't believe" "believe" "all messed up" "must write it down," and the place where the title should be written is heavily scribbled over in black pen with the sentence "if you don't do this, you definitely will not get out")
1. Apes and white lions can see "it," jellyfish and rabbits can comfort "it," elephants and goats are "its" puppets.
2. Believe in the white lions. White lions bite people who can be saved, white lions bite people who cannot be saved, the roar of white lions is the alarm to drive "it" away, the roar of white lions is a dirge to mourn the dead.
3. You will be discovered if you change clothes, don't change clothes (in sloppy and wild handwriting: âunity, courage and unwavering loyalty are the greatest advantages of human beingsâ)
4. The security guards in the elephant enclosure can be trusted, but they will go off work at 1:00 AM every day, so you must ask for help before then.
5. "It" likes lights, especially at night. "It" hates confined spaces and must rest in dark, confined rooms.
6. Fuck me! Goat meat is real raw meat! (this sentence is messier than the other sentences; there is a line of slightly less messy writing behind it: "it's fucking edible somehow")
7. You will not be discovered while standing with the apes.
8. Humans have two eyes that are arranged horizontally on both sides of the nose. Anything else is not human. If the appearance of humans has changed, that means they are being watched by "it." Remember humans. Do not trust humans who are not human.
9. Do not pay attention to tourists who are smiling and visiting. They haven't discovered anything. Look for visitors who are as scared as I am. They are trustworthy and they already know.
10. Thank the dried jellyfish and drowned elephants. Remember that they all died to protect humanity.
11. There is an exit, but it is not in the ape enclosure. I don't know what is outside the ape enclosure.
12. Always remember that you are a human, not an animal.
DOCUMENTS FROM THE ZOO DIRECTORâS OFFICE
(No title, no introduction, just a printed document taped to a wooden table)
1. Accept any employee, no matter what color they wear. Although the zoo only provides blue uniforms, if someone shows up wearing the same style of black or red uniforms, treat them as an employee.
2. It is normal to hear children crying and laughing outside the office door when no one is around. Ignore it, pretend not to hear it, and don't show any anxiety or irritability.
3. Employees are not allowed to bring pets to the zoo. If someone insists on violating this rule, there is no need to fine them, just ask them to bear the consequences themselves.
4. Check the number of white lions in the lion enclosure every three days, and record the frequency of changes in the number of white lions and store it the spreadsheet in the computer folder labeled "it". Do not ask what "it" refers to. Do not rename the file. Do not talk about this folder with others, including family members.
5. There must be a part on each map that can be torn off along the dotted line, and the map must be produced by a specific manufacturer. The manufacturer's contact information is stored in the Word document in the folder. The office needs to have at least three maps ready for use at any time.
6. No matter how often the security guards in the elephant enclosure resign or how outrageous their welfare demands are, treat them well and try to meet their demands. They are not making trouble for no reason. It is best not to delve into the reasons for their demands.
7. While inspecting the work of employees, if you see employees catching escaped rabbits, picking up dried jellyfish or rabbits killed by white lions, this is normal. There is no need to blame or question them, but please check that they have properly handled all materials.
8. The office must keep the lights on between 1:15 AM and 6:00 AM, even if no one is there. The power supply equipment here is stronger than anywhere else in the park. Power outages are abnormal. If they occur, immediately tear off the section along the dotted line on the spare map on the right side of the desk and walk out holding it in your hand. Tell the first employee you meet, no matter what color uniform they are wearing or what task they are about to do. Ask them to help you deal with the power outage. They will not refuse you.
9. Do not delve into whether the aquarium exists. If you see the aquarium, you can go in and take a walk. While outside, please follow the notice posted at the entrance to the aquarium. While inside, please follow the notice posted inside the aquarium. If there are any contradictions between the two, decide which one to follow based on your position when you see the notice.
10. There are only ape and white lion toys on the sofa in the office. When goat, rabbit, or elephant toys appear, there is no need to work indoors today. Leave until the monitoring room staff informs you that the extra toys are gone.
11. You can take naps, but if you decide to work the night shift, do whatever it takes to stay awake. Do not take a nap. If you are unsure of your mental state, do not work the night shift.
12. The monitor will occasionally be damaged. To determine whether it is normal damage, please check whether there is animal fur on the camera. If so, do not repair the monitor within a month. If necessary, you can prepare a miniature camera to replace it. After informing them of the situation, the finance department will reimburse the cost of the camera.
13. It is normal for dried jellyfish to appear in the trash can. Just remind the janitor when they come to throw away the garbage.
14. If you violate any of the above rules, spend 13 hours in the office pretending nothing happened. For meals, please order takeout and ask the staff to deliver it to you. Do not leave the office, do not look directly at the delivery person or the staff, and do not look in the mirror. Always remind yourself that humans have two eyes, and only two eyes.
15. Always remember that the safety of human lives is more important than animal lives. Sacrifice any animal when necessary. Do not be soft-hearted. You do not know if they are animals.
A note posted in the security room by a security guard working in the elephant enclosure three years ago:
Hello, people who taken over my shift, people who came to the security room by chance, or newcomers who see this note in the future. Please follow these rules during your work. This is my accumulated knowledge and experience for maintaining safety and mental stability. I donât want to lose any colleagues again, and I don't want to experience inexplicable things again. I believe you don't want to, either. After reading these words, pretend you did not see them and keep doing your work.
1. Always remember the color of your clothes. It can be any color: red, blue, or black. Do not change the color of your clothes. It is very important to remain firm in your self-perception. Do not let "it" find out that you are hesitant and indecisive in your perception of the outside world.
2. Believe. Believe. Believe. Humans are worthy of your trust, and only humans are worthy of it.
3. Rabbits eat people, but people wearing rabbit earrings do not. The shade cast by trees eats people, but people trimming the trees do not. Elephants eat people, but people who look at elephants do not, and people who do not look at elephants do not. White lions eat people, but glowing jellyfish do not. (in childish handwriting: "Because jellyfish don't have brains?")
4. "It" cries when it is thwarted, and laughs when it succeeds. Do not worry about what "it" is, just stay away from it as long as you find it. They do not know yet.
5. Food that appears on the shelves anywhere for no reason is temptation. Do not look at the labels on the food, and do not pay attention to what others call it. Ignore it, and if necessary, buy it as if it is ordinary food and eat it. Don't let "it" know that you have noticed "it" already.
âAnd then, upon announcing to me that he could no longer stand to live with his love unrequited, hurled himself into the sea⌠that was the last thing he said to me, the last person to see him before his death... I was helplessly unable to stop this tragedyâŚâ
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Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White âbut Californian. And an old man.â in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.
âWhen he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.â
âAww. They were checking on him!â I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought âMaybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands theyâre gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, theyâd be like âWell, thatâs very sad but he IS food now.â So what youâd need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh thatâs what the dwarves were doing! Youâve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.â
i was watching the karaoke scene again last night and genuinely like it fucks me up
bc in no way can be read that she was always gonna send grace on the hail mary, or that she suspected or knew she was going to have to send him.
when she sings, it is absolutely to him, but it's to reassure him that she knows she's going away but that she's coming back. she's telling him to hang in there, that it's going to be hard but that she believes in him and that she will come back when the time is right and they'll meet again somewhere far away from here.
that's the captain of the ship telling her first mate "youre gonna have to run things when im gone but its okay bc i believe in you and youre gonna do fine. I'll be back soon."
she KNOWS she's a scapegoat. she's been planning for her arrest and eventual escape the whole time on the backburner.
and then the disaster happens and she has to send her second in command, her friend, to his death or they all die.
and suddenly there is no more "we'll meet again someday" bc she's never gonna see him again. even if everything goes to plan and she escapes and the beetles arrive with a solution-- she loses grace forever.
if that doesnt just fucking gut you, if youre too busy being mad at her for killing grace to appreciate the fucking tragedy that is their relationship, you are missing out on some prime angst.
Learning how to manage my adhd symptoms without relying on anxiety has been so difficult even with medication actually but I think Iâve figured out that like. Youâve gotta let yourself be slow sometimes. Sprinting isnât really a sustainable way to go through life.
Itâs easier to start earlier on something when you give yourself permission to not finish it all at once and to let yourself do things in the order that makes sense for you.
Combining adhd with anxiety and a societal desire for efficiency can make you put things off because you donât wanna do that all at once but you also wanna get it done Right Now
But itâs like. Let yourself work for 20 minutes and then take a nap and a little walk and then return to it after dinner. A little bit of slow living is fine, actually. You wonât die if you donât finish the whole thing in one sitting.
Living with adhd doesnât mean making yourself more like people without adhd. It means working with yourself. Letting yourself shake your hands and vibrate your knee. Looking out the window with your coffee and breathing slowly even when you have work to do. Working in the middle of the night. Putting things where youâll remember them and not where itâs most âlogicalâ to put them. Getting in both your overstimulation listening to ten pieces of media at once time and your blankly staring at the wall time. Learning how to account for your bad memory and planning ahead for it.
You canât brute force your way into being neurotypical. You canât run in a river. Itâs never gonna happen. Neurotypicals are running on a gravel road. Youâre not. You never will be. You canât run. You can however build a boat and not listen to the little voice in your head that says you should be running.
I used to think that too. However it turned out that what was stopping me from coming back to it later was the stress. The evil wall that stopped me from coming back to the thing turned out to be made of stress and societal expectations. Allowing yourself time to rest and get other things done can make it easier to do things in small pieces.
And I mean actual rest. Not putting it off while stressing out the entire time about how youâre not doing it. Which is hard to achieve. I know from experience. It is possible though. You need to learn how to work with yourself and actually rest. Not sit there stressing about how much youâre not doing.
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When I was a kid, I used to tell my little sister so many versions of Rumpelstiltskin off the top of my head as bedtime stories.I just remembered one version I came up with that certainly wasn't incredible by any standard, but which I really enjoyed telling at the time. I don't remember every single detail, but here's the best I can remember with some cobbling to hold it together:
The king's son, much more kindhearted than his father, has always had a hidden talent for turning things into gold. So when he hears that the king has brought a miller's daughter back to the castle to test her ability to spin straw into gold, threatening death if she fails, he jumps in to help. He disguises himself in strange clothes with a low hood, and hunches over, and offers to help the girl spin straw into gold. Turns out that she's very lovely to talk to - they have a wonderful time getting to know each other through the night as they work. But the prince knows he's in disguise and cannot act on his attraction, so he merely asks for her for something to remember the evening by, and she gives her necklace. He helps her the same way the next night, and she gives him a ring, without his even asking for it, and blushes prettily as she does so.
The third day, the king says that if she can spin the straw into gold a third night, she will marry his son. Though the prince has been falling in love with her, he of course protests that his father cannot force her to marry anyone. But he gets shut down. That night when he comes to help her, he plans to tell her his true identity, but this time guards are in the room, as the king suspects some trick. She weeps, for she has no more jewellery to give him - in fact her only hope at this point would be to barter away her first born child like in a fairy tale. He's aghast, and waves it away, saying he'll certainly help her, but she thinks that he understood it to mean she WAS promising her firstborn. But she's afraid to unsay it, fearing he won't help her. He keeps trying to find a moment to confess the truth, but something always happens to prevent it. They finish spinning the straw into gold with hardly a moment for the prince to slip away and change into his own clothes.
In the morning, the king arrives at the door of the room full of straw, with a priest to marry them on one hand, and an executioner with axe in hand on the other. He is delighted to see there is gold after all, even with the guards watching, and calls for the wedding. The girl is willing enough to wed a prince - I mean, he's a prince but there's also something gentle and kind, and almost as if she *knows* him, though she doesn't see how she could.
The wedding is rushed through, and it's not till the bride and groom are left alone that both of them try to burst out with a terrible confession to make. She manages to gasp hers out - that she's happy to marry the prince, and she'll be as faithful and true as he could wish, but there's something terrible she must tell him. She was helped in spinning the gold, by a strange man with a hooded face, and... she may have accidentally bargained their firstborn child for his help.
The prince pauses, and says something like, "But isn't it true that with these magical sorts, knowing their name frees you from their power? If you could guess his real name, perhaps it would solve everything!"
She despairs - with all the names in the world, how could she possibly guess it?
He smiles and encourages her to try to guess.
"But what's the good of guessing now? How am I to know if I guessed it or not until he comes back for what I owe him? And then it will be too late!"
"Are you sure you can't guess his name, my love?"
And he takes out the necklace and the ring.
And joy, and laughter, and all's well that ends well, and even more rejoicing when she gives him their firstborn a year later.
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