Circuits

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

when i was a kid my Getting To Sleep technique was visualizing a child-sized shriveled up mummy with big piercing eyes that would stand silhouetted in the doorway & stare at me & probably attack if i so much as opened my eyes after getting into bed & this technique caused me to develop a lifelong nighttime-induced paranoia & it still takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. so i wouldnt recommend that

scientists are hard at work exploring each others bodies

I've been melting dogs down to make this thing called dog metal

everyone who is an excellent writer thinks they suck and will never get published. everyone whose writing sucks ass is actually getting published and displayed in barnes and noble

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

62 8

Absolutely nuts how they made up a number for this satire post and the correction is that reality is *more absurd* than the number they chose

no i’m afraid it’s even worse than that. 62 was correct in 2016 when the original post was made.

white people have the sauce sometimes and dont even know it

i just saw a youtube short of brandon sanderson on a podcast. the whole time hes talking hes doing book signings. what a flex. so many bitches on my dick i gotta multitask

brandon sanderson is actually just built different. once on a podcast with patrick rothfuss they were talking about tools to write better and he said "i try to limit myself to 8 hours of writing per day." he took time off of writing during the first year of covid and accidentally wrote four unplanned books. he teaches a class at byu. his wife has a codeword to get him to stop writing in his head because at any given moment you might think he's doing something normal but no he's also writing another novel. stephen king said he's insane

big fan of the four-year-old on this flight who yelled "THEY ARE BRINGING COMPLEMENTARY BEVERAGES" when the flight attendants came down with the drinks cart

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

You're right, that would be shocking.

idk what young person on the internet needs to hear this but you are not obligated to share any personal details about yourself online. in fact im gonna straight-up circle back to 00s era advice and say being anonymous is good actually

imagine your job is making sure the skating rink has ice and fucking it up

the problem with playing disco elysium is that after you've played it you can't play it for the first time again. someone should fix this