MY NAME IS...

At this point I'm genuinely wondering if im going insane or if I'm experiencing some serious dissociative amnesia

eating is hard, falling asleep is near impossible, staying awake is mind-numbing, doing anything at all feels meaningless

I don't know if I'm even allowed to feel like a person. I don't know if I'm allowed to feel sad or angry or hurt ever. am I allowed to show weakness? am I allowed to want somebody to know that I suffer? is it selfish of me to want to be witnessed?

like there must be something wrong with me right. something that I can't see that everybody else can. Aside from the personality disorder

no chance of sleep at all tonight

I can't sleep because I turn into a sobbing wreck when I'm alone with my thoughts for more than a minute

I just want to lie down and sleep and not wake up for a really long time

I've been getting so hungry lately that my head hurts for hours

I kind of wish I weren't a real person. I wish my life were not real so that there would be no "me" to experience any of it

i really just do not know what to do anymore . I don't know how much I can say because I feel like I'm constantly being monitored from all angles