ChronicallyKermie

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

It’s amazing sometimes what a singular glass of Gatorade can do for you

agreed. But glass? Pouring Gatorade into a glass is a level of classiness I had not previously perceived

I use the powder and I’ve gotta mix it in something

Pour the powder in your mouth and gargle with water

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

young old person tip for you all. go get some photos printed (pauses so someone can say bogos binted) and fill out a physical album

and annotate them with who is in the photos and when and where the photos were taken!!! your extended family 50 years from now will be grateful, and so will you if you end up forgetting any details

(sprints into room late, looking harried and frantic as fuck) bogos binted. did I miss it

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Quick shout out to the Down syndrome kid from my after-school program back when I was in grade school. Like yea he had the usual issues but he was a sweetheart and quite funny; and one day both his parents showed up at the same time to pick him up and I had the experience of meeting a family of genetically disabled people that had jobs and a home and a kid in school and it was a profoundly normalizing experience for me like I couldn’t take eugenicists seriously after that because like “no they totally can have whole entire meaningful lives with marriage and children and work and hobbies have you not met Dennis??” Anyway quick shout out to Dennis you were a real one

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

can we focus on the gnome for a second

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

these are the people i have to share a highway with

I WENT INTO A CHARITY SHOP AND THE TWO WOMEN AT THE COUNTER KEPT STARING AT ME AND WHEN I TRIED ON SOME READING GLASSES ONE OF THEM WENT "OH LOOK THE PUNK ROCKER LEARNED HOW GLASSES WORK" AND I NEARLY STARTED CRYING

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

what is time but an endless all consuming miasma of void ,?

Hey guess what hellfire tastes like

Fun fact! The nerve endings for "ouch too hot" and "ouch too cold" are different! Which means that they can both be activated at once, without cancelling out. Rip OP.

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."