Life of Nerd

*Alfred coming into the garden with some potted flowers to plant under the sun, all of the boys lounging by the pool nearby*

Damian, sitting on the edge of the pool and dipping his feet in the water: you do do it a lot,

Jason, sunbathing on a sun lounger, sunglasses on: because it’s kinda easy for Tim, B, Dick and I. we’re like basic barbies with interchangeable outfits.

Duke, sat on an inflatable donut in the pool: s’ cause you all have the same kinda build—that brick shithouse energy.

Tim, working on a laptop at the garden table, underneath a parasol: apart from-

Duke: -well yeah, apart from you, but i feel like when you’re smaller than the person you’re trying to imitate then it’s easy because you just pad the suit.

Tim: yeah, that’s fair. i’ve passed myself off as Jay during JL stuff on multiple occasions, it’s not hard.

Jason: *humming in agreement* and the rest of us don’t have to pad at all—unless i’m being Nightwing. then-

Dick, on a lounger next to him, already holding up a hand: -shut up-

Jason, grinning: -then i have to pad my ass a little,

Dick: *smacks him*

Tim: *snickers*

Dick: to be fair, Damian is also a part of this. Tim is easily small enough to still pass as Robin, so he could take Damian's place if we needed.

Duke: *snort of disbelief* are you joking?

Jason, also laughing: yeah- yeah Dick? Tim is the palest motherfucker we have. he ain't passing as shit. he can't even pass as you, that's why i always do it and have him pretend to be me instead.

Tim: yeah- he's right, D. you gotta admit; i'm pasty as shit.

Duke: i honestly only think he could even pass as Jason because of his mask and helmet. like- you look oriental enough that you and B genuinely thought Lady Shiva was a potential match for birth mom.

Jason: that's fair. *wistful* man, i wish it had been her and not Sheila. could you fuckin' imagine if me and Cass were bio-related?

Dick, amused: the murder-twins of the Wayne family.

Jason, gesturing with his hands as if to present: the murder-twins of the Wayne family!

Tim: *snorting* regardless, i might be able to bullshit myself as Jason, but i reflect the sun off my skin enough that anybody who's ever seen Damian before would clock me as an impersonator from a mile away.

Damian: we would have to put so much fake tan on you that i think it would become problematic.

Duke: *cackles*

Dick, grinning: what if it was for a case? what if it was really important to a case, would it be problematic then?

Duke, pointing at Dick: good question. what if it was to save Damian's life?

Damian and Jason: *snickering*

Tim, incredulous: in what fucking universe is there a scenario that me dressing up in brownface would save Damian's life?!

Duke, composure cracking: i- *pause* ... ok i can't think of one off the top of my head-

Tim, indignant: RIGHT, SO-

Dick, visibly holding back laughter: no no no, we're just saying, in a hypothetical world where a scenario has occurred that means Damian's life is in danger, and the only way to save him is to dress up as Robin and pass as Damian, is it ethical?

Damian, completely solemn: *to Tim* would you do it to save me?

Tim: w- i don't- i don't know?!

Duke and Jason: *laughing*

Tim: i mean i guess i'd ask Damian. i'd be trying to pass as him so it's his opinion that matters, right?

Jason: *high-pitched weeping, covering his face with his hands* *muffled* so it's- so Damian has a gun to his head and you're just- on the phone or something with him like 'do you think it's racist if i save your life right now?'

Damian, also grinning: i'm dying and he's texting me just 'is this chill or nah?'

Duke: *wheezes*

Tim: well I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW?!

Dick, trying to keep composure: i think it's- at least part of it has to come down to the intent and motivation behind it, right? like... nobody got mad at Robert Downey Jr.

Tim, pointing: that's a fair point. in this hypothetical scenario can i call up RDJ and make him save Damian's life?

Jason: *breathless wheezing*

Damian: *cackles*

Duke, also laughing: no- *wheeze* no, it has to be you.

Tim: well i don't- what am i even doing as Robin? do i just have to walk through a room of people that know Damian as Robin without getting clocked?

Damian: maybe you just have to sit through a JLA meeting without getting caught as not me.

Tim: in what universe-

Damian: -just answer, would you save me or not?

Tim, genuinely distressed: i don't feel like there's a good answer here for me?! like- ok, i feel like this would only involve Damian, so if Damian's ok with me putting on a shitton of fake tan to save his life, then i feel like that's the thing i should care about the most, right?

Duke: so you'd save him?

Tim, still distressed: i- probably?!?!? i don't know?!

Jason: *wheezes, leaning towards Dick* he's so scared,

Dick: *silently weeping*

Damian: we're making it too easy by making it only about me,

Tim, incredulous: HELLO?

Damian: i- *wheeze* *cough* no, ok; same scenario, but you don't need to pass yourself off as me to save my life, you have to pass yourself off as Signal.

Duke: ooooooh,

Dick: *falls off his chair* *starts slapping the ground*

Tim, distraught: i don't have an answer to this?!?! why would i have an answer to this?!

Duke, instantly: *eager* no you have to. you have to answer. would you or would you not try and pass yourself off as me in order to save Damian's life.

Damian, stern: now keep in mind, Drake. if you say yes, Thomas will never forgive you. if you say no, then your baby brother will die forever, and it will be all your fault because you a hundred percent could have saved me.

Tim: *face of intense despair* WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Duke, genuinely starting to lose it: you have to- you have to- *wheeze*

Damian, grinning at Duke: *turning to Tim* he's right, you have to answer.

Tim: i'd probably fucking kill myself to be honest.

Jason, cupping his hands around his mouth: COP OUT, BOOOOOOO

Tim: oh fuck off- what the hell am i supposed to say? it's the most unethical would you rather of the twenty-first century, there is no good outcome. like- *spots Alfred, peacefully gardening nearby* like- hey, Alfred, what would you do? what do you think?

Alfred:

Alfred:

Alfred: i think these conversations are exactly why Master Bruce won't let any of you start a podcast.

The boys:

Dick: *still weeping on the patio floor*

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"A planned community in Arizona has used time-honored Mediterranean strategies to keep temperatures down and attitudes high.

Western civilization has grown remarkably climate conscious over the last 20 years, but not when it comes to building, civic planning, and especially zoning. Perhaps the interiors of buildings are becoming more climate adapted, and in some cases the facades as well, but in a way that’s a little like inventing a freezer designed to keep ice cream frozen while sitting next to a fire.

Wooden or concrete boxes arranged side-by-side across leveled ground with sprawling, largely treeless gardens and concrete sidewalks alongside wide, blacktop roads is simply a culture of construction that has to be abandoned if living in a world of 2°C or higher annual temperatures [or, hopefully, less than that, but nonetheless likely over 1.5°C] is to be tolerable.

Fortunately for Arizonans, change may have finally arrived in the form of a carless, planned community that looks and feels like a Greek island village.

In the Phoenix suburb of Tempe, Culdesac has arisen as a 17-acre mixed-use neighborhood from the ground up to stay cool and local, taking the concept of the 15-minute city, where anything a resident might need is only 15 minutes away, and putting a Mediterranean spin on it.

Buildings are tall, thick, and totally white. The residential areas look like they were built atop of the ashes of the Phoenix zoning code burnt in effigy. Crammed together, they create narrow streets and alleys that are almost constantly shaded, through which wind is channeled and accelerated in passing.

Windows open towards each other, allowing wind that enters one building to exit into another, while the total lack of asphalt means that the ground temperatures are a staggering 50-60°F lower than pavements beyond the limits of Culdesac.

No privately-owned cars are allowed to enter the neighborhood, in which electric bikes, robotic mini taxis, and light rail shuttle people around town, to downtown Phoenix, or out to the airport.

The street life is lively—there are no cars to bisect movement between the 21 different businesses and eateries, among which is a James Beard Award-winning Mexican restaurant, DIY ceramic business, and some stores run out of apartments—a big no-no under Phoenix zoning laws.

“Once you pull the cars out,” Architect Daniel Parolek who designed Culdesac, told BBC, “there’s so much more opportunity to make a vibrant, thriving community.”

His inspiration was sun-soaked locales like Italy, Greece, and Croatia, where town centers were designed before the automobile and before air conditioning.

Technically speaking, the entire Culdesac neighborhood is one apartment complex, but the paseos, or little alleyways, open up into plazas of open space exactly liked one would expect in a little village in the Cyclades.

Because no one has to jump in a car to get from place to place, people run into each other, sparking conversations, relations, and breaking through the counterintuitive phenomenon of big city loneliness, which in Phoenix hits particularly hard.

“Culdesac Tempe has shown that people do want to live car-free in the US, even in a metro area like Phoenix that’s often seen as the poster child for car dependency,” says Erin Boyd, Culdesac’s government relations and external affairs lead. “This success has shifted the conversation around what’s possible in American development.”

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