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online classes?????????????

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Overheard conversation between two older Black men at the library:

“Alright man, you know I talked to God about it, prayed about it”

“Who’s your god?”

“Who’s MY God?”

“Yeah, who’s your god?”

“My God is the Almighty God”

“Amen brother, He’s in everything and in everyone”

“Amen, but you know I’m talking about The God, the Almighty Father”

“Yes I do brother, amen”

“Well amen”

“In His name, brother”

“I know that’s right.”

…And then they both just kind of nodded for a while????

Overheard library conversation between two elementary-aged kids and a young woman I assume is their nanny/babysitter:

Boy: I know you ain’t got no money

Babysitter: who are you saying doesn’t have money??

Boy: You! You broke! No money!

Girl: how’d she buy you food then, stupid?!! If she didn’t have money how’d she buy that food?!!!!! *turns to babysitter* *heavy sigh* I am so sorry about him. He got the dummy head genes

#tfw your little brother is just saying words recreationally without using logic because he got the dummy head genes #she couldn’t have been older than 8 and her world-weary affect was so funny to me

apolladay

Before you are two magic buttons. Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc). Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc) Which button do you push?

A

B

Voting ended onJun 3

heliophile-oxon

So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...

the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.

I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?

Ils sont fous, ces Romains tumblrains.

#I guess it’s gotta be A just because I spent way more time doing dishes than basically any other chore #but boy do I hate cleaning the bathroom way more than I hate cleaning the kitchen #but like yeah I don’t clean the bathroom every day or even necessarily every week depending but boy I am doing some kitchen labor daily

prokopetz

I enjoy a joke about fucked up German fairy tales as much as the next nerd, but it's genuinely striking how often the source for the really fucked up stuff turns out to be "yeah, this is only in the Brothers Grimm version and doesn't appear in any extant oral tradition, and we're like 80% sure they added it themselves". To a large extent it's not German fairy tales that are fucked up, it's two specific German dudes.

thelovers-thedreamers-and-me

in retrospect we probably should have given the fairy tale writing to the Brothers Happy instead

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My cousin was stalking my husband online and she found a short film he was in in college (theatre degree) where he played a gay character and she was like “wait is Evan gay??????” And I was like…. No??

And she said “then why is he cosplaying as gay??”

And I was like “you mean ACTING???”

My husband and I were at dinner and he said every time he goes to the grocery store he has to resist buying a tub of cookie dough “because I want to eat it straight”

and I said “personally I’m gonna eat it gay style” right as an old man walked by and looked at me like 🤔

asortoflight

Loving the implication by Red Lobster that there was an unrelated crab wandering around a parking lot in the middle of Colorado Springs

I did start my birthday off at midnight being very sleep deprived after two evening ER shifts (and waking up for an 8 AM lab practical between them) and then my husband insisting on me opening the gift his parents got me (that he told them was something I’d like) before going to bed

And I immediately hated it and was too tired to hide that I hated it 😬🙃

termagax

Hello there. Guess how much money I made last year? $28. I’m an investment banking analyst at a boutique firm, in M&A. I have my undergrad from the University of Chicago, one of the top schools in the country. With bonuses, sometimes I make even more. Are you jealous of that? Most people on Tumblr are usually jobless or they decided to major in the humanities and are poor.

$28?

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datasoong47

Amazing how each pill could kill more than five people each on average

asortoflight

Overdoses Georg who is a single fentanyl-laced pill who can kill over 10,000 people in 100 days is an outlier I guess

one of my classmates said she was 19 and my other classmate said "wow I thought you were 20" and she said "oh do I look old??"

girl WHAT DO YOU MEAN

like be so for real right now, what could it possibly mean to "look 20" instead of "looking 19"?? THEY ARE THE SAME THING??? ONE LITERALLY BECOMES THE OTHER OVERNIGHT.

#especially funny because we had literally JUST (<1 min before) had a conversation about how I am turning 32 next week lmao #and she was like “whoa you definitely don't look like you're in your 30s! I thought you were like 26”#and I was like so here's the secret actually. once someone's past their mid-20s or so it becomes impossible to accurately guess their age #at least within like +/- 8 years ish #because different people age so differently to the point that what “looks 26” and what “looks 32” actually significantly overlap #but also... I'm pretty sure I actually don't especially “look young” for my age? even though I get this a lot #it's more that when I'm in an undergrad classroom with you the context primes you to think I'm younger than I am #I am visibly older than you and other 18-22 year old undergrads but you're still anchored to that reference point so you don't guess 30+#back when I was only slightly older than my peers when I was in undergrad people actually more often used to assume I was older than I was #if they didn't know I was like a sophomore or whatever #because of my general demeanor and my vocabulary (and the fact that I've worn mostly business casual since age 12)#so basically I think people have been assuming I'm 26 for almost a decade lol #(except that one tiktok commenter when I actually was 26 who said that I looked 40 HA)#and then other people kept being like “you don't look 40 they just said that because of your [insert facial feature here]”

micro-usb-deactivated20230625

#wow so true

foone

Fantasy setting where the kingdom has a secret police with the mission of finding any modern-world people isekai'd in so they can be whisked off to the academy and all their future knowledge transcribed

foone

It's a known thing that isekai events happen. All the major nations do this. The coming war may very well be tilted in favor of whichever kingdom gets the most Japanese teenagers appearing within their borders

foone

They are worried that the flow of isekai protagonists is slowing down, what with increased traffic safety measures.

So they hire a evil wizard to send a minion into our world, with only one goal: increase the number of automobile accidents, and keep their isekai harvests bountiful.

The minion can't return, of course. Travel is one way, unless you isekai back, and that's a one in a million chance.

So the poor fish out of water minion stuck in our world can never return. At least they gave him plenty of precious gemstones with which to start his car-accident empire. So don't worry, squire Musk will not starve in our world.

plum-soup

Simpsons Style AI Ad for Porn Addiction App

blackpaintedtimbs

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uhhhhmanda

Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.

bedupolker

i dont have an angel and devil on my shoulder there's just a protestant telling me to work harder and a white buddhist who probably misunderstood buddhism telling me to stop wanting anything

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