Fantastic Stories for the Tragically Bored

[Yes, I had to do it. Yes, all the voices are me. Lyrics under the cut.]

Kermit: it’s the muppets show!

Female Chorus:

It’s time to burn the incense,

It’s time to slay the sheep,

It’s time to wake the muppets from a thousand years of sleep!

Male Chorus:

It’s time to raze existence,

It’s time to banish light,

It’s time to call the void in on the muppets show tonight!

Statlor: So tell us, where’s your god now?

Waldorf: I guess you’ll never know

Statlor: your life becomes a torture

Both: when we begin the show!

Chorus: And now let’s get things started!

Audience: Why don’t you get things started?

Kermit: It’s time to get things started,

All:

On the aberrational, no-salvational, incantational, muppetational,

Don’t they know that murder is illegal? You just know there are a bunch of homicidal maniacs out there who love to read those stories. They write them, too, in between killing people. 

Ciaphas Cain And Jurgen Ferik

Oh wait, it's all turning around!

Ciaphas Cain movie.

Seriously. Ciaphas Cain would 110% make the perfect character for a mass-market movie. He's one of the perfect characters for people not into 40k to appreciate.

Someone makes a comment along the lines of "Orks are approaching, I expect we'll find you at the front lines, Cain?"

Cain just tilts his head slightly to the right and we hear his thoughts "that's the last thing I want, you fracking moron. I'd rather be on the other side of the planet, or better yet, on a ship about to depart the system! Damn this reputation I've got to uphold. What would Cain the hero say?"

And he comes back to normal, smiles his best smile and says, "wouldn't have it any other way."

I had to turn this off, but it's something that allows Windows and anyone using your device to generate text/images.