Casper @casper-core - Tumblr Blog

the older i get, the more i appreciate being out of the loop. don't fill me in, i don't want to know anything about anyone.

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charlesoberonn

Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!

charlesoberonn

asphor

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

charlesoberonn

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

asphor

Yeah that checks out.

What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?

charlesoberonn

Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.

Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.

charlesoberonn

While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.

Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.

Painter: Aw...

Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔

charlesoberonn

Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?

Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.

Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.

Candysseia: And where did he come from?

Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.

charlesoberonn

Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?

Pericles: *hands him papyrus*

Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!

charlesoberonn

To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.

Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).

teaboot

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

justlightmeonfire

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

teaboot

Also the amulet

whimsicalmayhem

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

teaboot

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

madeofklay

I saw this perfectly in my head and had to recreate it

teaboot

Holy Shit

rambrandt-the-painter

"australian wildlife is so scary!"

Say fucking sorry to him right now or I'll fucking lose it

imadhatt3r

I finally got the opportunity to share this amazing tweet I have saved ages ago

a-book-of-creatures

The Australian lungfish really said “:3”

tandemtheartist

Last Dance

icanseeyou2007

HELLO??!! THIS IS INSANE!!!! it’s like seeing the Mona Lisa randomly on the street. what an absolute GEM!!

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hiddenmisc

Happy pride chat

polemoss

happy pride month sfawtde fando m

sand0115

turn left cuh💔

sailermoon

this is how new yorkers @ mamdani

katbyanyname

@bat-incooking-school food is too expensive. Plz fix it 🥺

bat-incooking-school

I WISH I had this power

lesbianmarrow

scully dissecting a dead man and finding partially digested pizza in his stomach and getting hungry and going back to her motel and ordering a pizza.......i love you weird girl

lesbianmarrow

my favorite thing about this post is learning that ppl who work in surgery/autopsy/etc are just like this

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charl0ttan

dog i gotta move like yesterday

megamindsupremacy

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

toyota-supra

What [car] would you build a time machine out of?

an old VW Beetle because it wouldn't look out of place literally anywhere

aokozaki

Lancelot: Egad sire! Look at that. King Arthur: Hm, rare to see a VW Beetle this far north. Not impossible, mind.

thatdisasterauthor

Listening to the local fire department radios as they rescue a cat in a sewer. Here's how it's going:

FD: We can see the cat. Do you have an ETA on animal control?

Dispatch: Twenty minutes.

FD: Alright, we think we can get the cat.

Dispatch: Copy, we'll let animal control know.

FD several minutes later: We've got the cat.

Dispatch: Copy, do you still want--

FD, interrupting: Update, the cat DOES NOT like us.

Dispatch: ...so you do still want animal control, then?"

FD: Yes. Tell them the cat is in the engine.

Dispatch: ...are you also in the engine?

FD: Not anymore, no.

asmuchasidliketo

augustarambles

Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

mandyseley

I loved this visual so much I had to doodle it.

ratratratratrat

gorochuva

I can’t get over this post. I’ve been quoting it all day.

oceanandarock

This morning I woke up and felt like something was wrong and I needed something but didn't know what. Then a bit later I remembered this yearning rats post and it made me feel a bit better to remember that I am not alone in feeling like this sometimes.

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isotridecanol

shadowgremlin

My wife’s idea of decompressing after the busy holiday was to rearrange every piece of furniture in our home is this an ADHD thing or just a her thing

I’m not complaining the way she’s done it is much better than it was it’s just like how is this your idea of a relaxing weekend

kaity--did

Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done

honeysbunchesofoats

kaity--did

yes this exactly

luminouspica

So to me, there are spoons (general energy cost) and carnival tickets (specific energy cost).

Spoons can be used pretty much anywhere.

Carnival tickets are only good for the carnival, and it’s only in town for a limited amount of time.

So like, if I get “kitchen cleaning” carnival tickets, I can’t use that to clean my bedroom, that’s not where the carnival is.

lingonberry24

phrase added to permanent vocabulary

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