Professional Lan Wangji Enjoyer @bat-incooking-school - Tumblr Blog

Have YOU 🫵 thought about Hanguang-jun today?

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l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft

i think more people need to draw lan wangji with no shirt on

for..anatomy practice ofc 👀 and they should let me see 👀

bat-incooking-school

For constructive critics of course 👀👀👀

overthinkingmoth

server im in recently made a Chinese learning channel and I kind of want to participate but it's really scary because what if I mess up and accidentally type every swear word and slur ever and then they all hate me forever

bat-incooking-school

Maybe they'd be impressed by your very specific but vast knowledge?

Having to cook your own food after a bad day should be banned. After your work fucks you over they should have to send you home with a coupon for a free pizza or something

bat-incooking-school

You just know that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng broke into Jiang Yanli's room when they were little and played with her clothes and makeup.

You know they were tripping on hanfus, patting each other on the head and saying nice things to each other

You know it like you know that the Lan boys painted beards on and accused each other of breaking made up rules

bat-incooking-school

A-Ying: You did good at practice today! You get soup!

A-Cheng: You didn't chase butterflies at practice today. You get soup

Jiang Yanli: Boys?

A-Cheng: You won't tell mom. So you can have soup

A-Ying: You're the best Shijie ever! You can have all the soup!

bat-incooking-school

A-Huan: Didi must right 5 thousand lines!

A-Zhan: Why?

A-Huan: It's against the rules to be a pouty baby

A-Zhan: It's not! I'm not!

A-Huan: It is. It's also against the rules to be so small.

A-Zhan: Being stupid is against the rules! I'm telling Uncle!

A-Huan: Not if I tell him first!

bat-incooking-school

Lan Qiren: Thank you for expressing your concerns, Xichen. I will have you know that I have been closely monitoring A-Zhan's height, and he is just tall enough to not cause an infraction

A-Huan: Really?

Lan Qiren: Yes. However, A-Zhan must eat all his vegetables and do well in his meditation. Otherwise, he might shrink and become too small.

A-Zhan: I will!

Lan Qiren: Excellent. Now run along you two. Xichen? Take this note to the library for me

The note: Lan Xichen must write 4 copies of the rules regarding lying and cruel jokes

panp7

Bat, can I please write this (when I get time)?

Bat, Please 🥺🥺🥺

bat-incooking-school

Of course!

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bat-incooking-school

Also, as a little treat for myself, I've decided that Lan Qiren hates Jin Guangshan. He's hated him from the moment he was aware of the rat bastard's existence. His tolerance and respect for Wei Wuxian triples after finding out that they share a personal enemy

Is there any actual evidence to support my claims? Probably not. But I can't see a guy who raises his brother's sons, getting along with a guy who throws his own son down the stairs (Jin Guangyao didn't deserve that. Yet)

My favorite old goat deserves a grudge with a man in his age range.

bat-incooking-school

You just know that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng broke into Jiang Yanli's room when they were little and played with her clothes and makeup.

You know they were tripping on hanfus, patting each other on the head and saying nice things to each other

You know it like you know that the Lan boys painted beards on and accused each other of breaking made up rules

bat-incooking-school

A-Ying: You did good at practice today! You get soup!

A-Cheng: You didn't chase butterflies at practice today. You get soup

Jiang Yanli: Boys?

A-Cheng: You won't tell mom. So you can have soup

A-Ying: You're the best Shijie ever! You can have all the soup!

bat-incooking-school

A-Huan: Didi must right 5 thousand lines!

A-Zhan: Why?

A-Huan: It's against the rules to be a pouty baby

A-Zhan: It's not! I'm not!

A-Huan: It is. It's also against the rules to be so small.

A-Zhan: Being stupid is against the rules! I'm telling Uncle!

A-Huan: Not if I tell him first!

bat-incooking-school

Lan Qiren: Thank you for expressing your concerns, Xichen. I will have you know that I have been closely monitoring A-Zhan's height, and he is just tall enough to not cause an infraction

A-Huan: Really?

Lan Qiren: Yes. However, A-Zhan must eat all his vegetables and do well in his meditation. Otherwise, he might shrink and become too small.

A-Zhan: I will!

Lan Qiren: Excellent. Now run along you two. Xichen? Take this note to the library for me

The note: Lan Xichen must write 4 copies of the rules regarding lying and cruel jokes

evi1-13sbi4n-v4mpir3

I hate being born with a uterus </3

bat-incooking-school

I'd just like to point out that I've fallen down three flights of stairs and I've never created an elaborate plot to kill a guy I maybe had a crush on

Looking at you Jin Guangyao

orange-sora

Did the guy you maybe had a crush on push you down the stairs in what can be perceived as an attempted murder while threatening to kill you and insult your mother after you risked your life to save him? Did he crush your hopes and break your heart and maybe even fractured your skull?

bat-incooking-school

No but my brother laughed at me one time and I lost my two front teeth another time.

My adult teeth didn't come in for a couple more years and I experienced a mini villain arc everytime someone asked what I wanted for Christmas and when I told them they said that wasn't right and I actually wanted my two front teeth

Now wait jgy might've actually been on to something 🤔

orange-sora

See see?

I lost all my baby teeth, passed out and bled so much people thought my sis has attempted murder (she didn't she loves me) but I have been unhinged ever since. He was kinda right about his reaction.

bat-incooking-school

📖✍️ people become crazy when they lose teeth in a violent or quick fashion.

Especially if other people make jokes about it🧐

orange-sora

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ It's true and scientifically proven now.

bat-incooking-school

Shout out to my fellow enemy of stairs!

#teeth are the anchor for sanity

overthinkingmoth

the world is so bland and joyless without cheese ima be so forreal

overthinkingmoth

I don't want to live in a world where I can't eat cheese I don't care if eating it will give me permanent hormone problems in the long run this is literally a fate worse than death

bat-incooking-school

I'll die before I give up cheese

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allpiesforourown

Anyone who thinks modern Wei Ying would be a slut is insaneeee that man would still be playing the flute in his school band and be too busy working two jobs to support the wens to get any action he'd lose his virginity in his late 20s at the earliest

jiangfamilytherapist

He’s the guy everyone thinks is getting some until they get to know him

bat-incooking-school

A slut in theory but not in practice

Also one of his jobs would 100% be in the porn industry but he's working either in the sound dept or editing or some other behind the scene thing. No matter how many times he says that he's just does lighting or whatever, no one believes him.

Also also maybe Jin Zixun complains loudly about seeing wwx in a video but it's because he accidentally wondered onto set during filming

bat-incooking-school

People keep insisting that they saw wwx in this or that video and it really ruins his reputation. Jyl asks people what they were doing looking at such videos, lwj tells them to cite their sources and jc says that at least he actually earns money instead of blowing his inheritance on his vices. None of this stops people from talking shit

barely-an-artist

"Oh? You saw wei wuxian in a porn video? But he doesnt like girls, why would he show up on something you're watching?"

bat-incooking-school

Exactly! But it doesn't help anything

allpiesforourown

Anyone who thinks modern Wei Ying would be a slut is insaneeee that man would still be playing the flute in his school band and be too busy working two jobs to support the wens to get any action he'd lose his virginity in his late 20s at the earliest

jiangfamilytherapist

He’s the guy everyone thinks is getting some until they get to know him

bat-incooking-school

A slut in theory but not in practice

Also one of his jobs would 100% be in the porn industry but he's working either in the sound dept or editing or some other behind the scene thing. No matter how many times he says that he's just does lighting or whatever, no one believes him.

Also also maybe Jin Zixun complains loudly about seeing wwx in a video but it's because he accidentally wondered onto set during filming

bat-incooking-school

People keep insisting that they saw wwx in this or that video and it really ruins his reputation. Jyl asks people what they were doing looking at such videos, lwj tells them to cite their sources and jc says that at least he actually earns money instead of blowing his inheritance on his vices. None of this stops people from talking shit

bat-incooking-school

Me: *wearing headphones*

Coworker: What are you listening to?

Me: My NSFW playlist

Coworker: At work?

Me: Yes. I gain +1 speed and +2 focus every time I break a rule

Coworker: That sounds like you

bat-incooking-school

Coworker 1: I hate using Splenda in this recipe! It taste like shit every year! I wouldn't serve this to my grandma if she was in the hospital!

Me: I would

Coworker 2: You don't count. Your grandma's a bitch

need-him-pregnant-poll

If Gomez Addams wins over Starscream, I will write a fic where a freshly (possibly not yet knowing) pregnant Wei Wuxian somehow winds up in the Addams' universe at the same time as Gomez is starting to show with baby Addams.

I will write him essentially being emotionally adopted by the Addamses and having pregnancy bro shenanigans with Gomez.

Think about it! Grandmama feeding Wei Wuxian because he's too skinny. Morticia and him in the greenhouse growing black and red lotus and sentient radishes. FESTER AND WEI WUXIAN EXPERIMENTING TOGETHER.

Vibing with Cousin It, accompanying Lurch on the organ with Chenqing, THE SHENANIGANS HE'D GET UP TO WITH THING.

Imagine Wei Wuxian meeting Wednesday and being reminded of Wen Qing, helping Pugsley with various trap builds, Pubert's still a toddler but he's really into animal bones so Wei Wuxian reanimates a few small dinosaur skeletons for him.

And of course at some point Lan Wangji shows up and now Wei Wuxian is too far along for dimensional travel so it's wangxian chillin' with the Addams Family until 100 days after Wei Wuxian gives birth.

I will write this if Gomez defeats Starscream. He doesn't even have to win the whole tournament. He just has to beat the decepticon.

This is such a crackish crossover idea and I'm thoroughly intrigued. Would love to read it! 😂

bat-incooking-school

I will actually sit down and write at least 1 chapter for all of my wips if you write the mpreg mdzs- Addams family crossover

bat-incooking-school

Guest Lectures

Wei Wuxian: no aura, moderate rizz

Lan Wangji: minor aura, no rizz

Jiang Cheng: no aura, no rizz

Sunshot Campaign

Wei Wuxian: maximum aura, minor rizz

Lan Wangji: maximum aura, no rizz

Jiang Cheng: moderate aura, minor rizz

Present Day

Wei Wuxian: minor aura, maximum rizz

Lan Wangji: maximum aura, minor rizz

Jiang Cheng: maximum aura, no rizz

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

allpiesforourown

Wei wuxian in fics: I'm a slutty little omega seductress in booty shorts

Wei wuxian in canon: hangin out by the blood pool #mybloodpool

bat-incooking-school

Obviously post-canon wwx is standing over the author's shoulder going "make me sluttier. Being a depressed necromancer is cringe. Be a slutty necromancer is where its at"

raineofthedragons

Considering tying my neighbors to their own fireworks

bat-incooking-school

Bro same

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