In the land of shitposts and the home of tags

I will also have a sorceror in my employ. When a hero or a renegade or a political rival is in a situation where I can safely kill them, they will instead be turned into a bird and added to my aviary. I would not brag about this; it would be a complete secret, known only to me and my sorceror. In situations where I capture multiple people working together, only one would go in the aviary;the others can be imprisoned or killed or whatever. If they escape and I reacquire them later, another one can go in the aviary. The point here is that nobody going in the aviary can safely assume that another bird in there is their teammate.

Because I would be trickling real birds in there, too. And I would train some of them to do 'intelligent' things like tap out prime numbers or scratch shapes into the dirt with their beaks. I would train some of them to pick at the locks and bars as if they were trying to escape. I would not train them all the same way, or train many of them at all.

Sometimes, a new bird goes into the aviary -- fellow revolutionary? Or just a bird? Is it trying to communicate to you that it's human, or just being friendly and imitating you because that's what smart friendly birds do? People would develop opinions and theories over time. They'd amass in a group of the smartest ones, pretty sure that they're closest four or five friends are humans, are using their invented little language of wing-flaps and trills with a human mind behind it... but can they ever really be sure?

Most people, when going into the aviary, would assume that all of the birds are captured enemies. So why are some of them hard to have ongoing communication with, to learn about, to plan with? Are these the natural communication barriers of someone in a bird body, or does being a bird make them stupider over time? Will that happen to them also?

Sometimes, if I capture a pair, I'll imprison them separately, then turn one into a bird and put them in the aviary at the same time as a real bird that's trained to have a couple of their partner's mannerisms.

When I interact with the birds, even in private, I won't secretly mock them or make clever veiled references to their past or act at all like I remember that they were once human. They are my birds, that I imported at great expense. And I've brought a treat for them; some fresh fruit, and another friend to share it with! A new bird!

All I'm saying is that of all the ways reality could be, you think it just HAPPENED to be real?

Check out the bonus panel on the site.

Upcoming book signings this summer.

───── ◆ ───── ◆ ───── ◆ ─────

SMBC ◆ PATREON ◆ INSTAGRAM ◆ BLUESKY ◆ STORE

–

based on these passages from the odyssey and the aeneid (and i think it might have happened in the iliad too, though i can’t remember where):

Hero (usually yet another son of Zeus that Dear Old Dad fathered and forgot upon a mortal) - is generally useless.  May or may not be clueless, may or may not have heart in right place, but will definitely get eaten by first villain/monster they encounter.

Enter Athena to teach them which end of the sword is the stabby bit, how to get prime arms and equipment, and if you can’t fight your way out, being sneaky and tricking your way out works just fine too (looking at you, Odysseus).

Aphrodite is more “So you can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend and even horses and dogs run away when you try to be friends?  Never mind, kid, I’ll make it so that one look at your new improved swoonsomeness and everyone within a ten-mile radius will fall madly in love with you and do whatever you ask them (any subsequent dead family members, wars, or falling out of love and trying to stabbity-stab you not my responsibility)”.

Honestly though, this is an absolutely brilliant idea for a minor "this world is different from our own" touch if you're writing some sort of fantasy or especially an alternate history story.

ink and watercolor on paper

in which murderbot is a very normal terracotta soldier and ART the dragon spirit of a chinese junk who dwells in the ship's keel. they meet in the ming dynasty perhaps, when ppl are sailing places extra willy-nilly.

*Nüwa is the mother goddess in chinese mythology, known for creating humanity from yellow clay and repairing the sky.

thank you @mutualrapport for hosting the event! original prompt below.

Mixed results from the Americans because this shit is legal in only 30 states and almost impossible to get past a zoning committee so while they exist, they're extremely localized. Lots of yelling at Ohio.

---

Saskatchewan: "What's insane to me is that you have these with the population density you have. What am I going to hit in Turtleford?"

---

Bahia and Sao Paulo: "I'm stunned we don't have these tbh."

Prague: "We have these in my city, but only for boats."

Manaus: "My uncle has one of these! He also has a window on the other side so you can drive your boat up too :)"

(much Brazilian and Czech high-fiving)

---

Brisbane: "There's an astonishing level of trust being displayed that people aren't just going to open a beer immediately"

Tallahassee: "Oh no, there is 100% cop camped like half a mile down the road to arrest people who didn't stow the booze correctly."

Brisbane: "Oh it's an invasive policing operation! Yeah, that's the USA."

---

Newcastle: "No, this looks correct for the country that has bears breaking into your house". (The Australians and Africans have a bit where every time someone mentions their wildlife, they mass @me (who had a bear in my house) and the guy from Singapore whose mom adopted a wild water monitor and says it's her favorite son now)

The aforementioned Singaporean: "How am I exposed to an onslaught of your media and culture at all times and you STILL find new ways to horrify me?"

---

Vatican City: "You can ride your bike through the brewery to get beer but the abbot in charge doesn't like it"

---

Jakarta: "We don't have this because we're Muslim but we do have drive-thru Marijuana"

Kyoto: "We don't have these because we have public transportation. You can buy liquor from vending machines at the stations though."

Munich: "We don't have these because we are disciplined enough to pack our beer with us if we are going somewhere that drinking is acceptable, or there will be beer at that location when we arrive."

---

India: "Why have drive-thru Liquor, when you can have liquor delivered to your vehicle? GET ON OUR LEVEL" (no less than nine different images from across the country of people in trucks that have been specifically modified to operate the business of driving up to other vehicles in traffic and selling them liquor)

---

Pudasjävi: "...I should open one of these."

Everyone: "NO!!!"

A. Zombie bit you! 🧟

B. Safe

C. Zombie bit you! 🧟‍♀️

D. Safe

E. Safe

F. Safe

G. Zombie bit you! 🧟‍♂️

H. Zombie bit you! 🧟‍♀️

I. Safe

J. Safe

K. Zombie bit you! 🧟‍♂️