man if you're disabled you've GOT to find some way to make your fuckass body a source of pleasure whenever you can. jacking off. eating good food. wearing soft clothes. kissing an animal on the head. whatever you can do
KIROKAZE
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@captainofthenautilus
man if you're disabled you've GOT to find some way to make your fuckass body a source of pleasure whenever you can. jacking off. eating good food. wearing soft clothes. kissing an animal on the head. whatever you can do

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I once sent a woman a text message so interesting that she took three whole days to read it
when brandon sanderson talks about villains in his famous free youtube writing class video lectures he'll say 'what's the difference between gollum and sauron' and of course he means the villain that's present in the narrative and characterized in a way the audience can potentially relate to or sympathize with vs. the looming threatening anonymous far-off force (among other things). but every time he asks that i think 'well one of those guys tracked down frodo and got his ring back'
Brandon Sanderson: What's the difference between Gollum and Sauron?
OP: Skill issue.
I was talking to my mom about John Green today and I mentioned that “he’s still on tumblr” and she asked why that would be weird and I said that no one is on tumblr these days, “except him and I guess me”
So
I don’t know what all of you guys are doing here, because clearly this website is occupied only by me and John Green
just the two of us / we can make it if we try.

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Orcas are known to be smart and ruthless hunters. They've been observed hunting a variety of prey, with some species, such as whales, larger
I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is Jackass
That's absolutely insane.
Nature red in tooth and claw ain't seen nothing yet
In case anyone was bothered by the idea of them torturing the fish, it was already dead.
"mwahahaha" could be an evil laugh but it could also be "mwah ahaha" like someone kissing you and then laughing joyously because they love you
pet play but its with insects
oh yeah baby youre my sexy little deer fly
Whatever. Cum my scarab.
men will do literally anything other than engaging in pro-social community-oriented behavior and then get online and complain about how masculinity is vilified and men aren't allowed to be heroes anymore
"all men really want is to feel like the hero" okay then volunteer at a food bank. get narcan training. step in when a woman is being harassed on the street. help out an elderly neighbor with shopping or home repairs. learn how to safely de-escalate fights. help your friends move. join or start your workplace union. become a big brother or volunteer coach for kids' sports. clean up your local park or get involved in some local conservation campaign. do your own damn dishes. notice what needs to be done and then do it. the world doesn't need heroes, it needs helpers. there are literally so many paths to finding a sense of self-respect and worth through pro-social behaviors that improve your immediate local community and help build your network of close personal connections. but these guys don't give a shit about actually contributing anything to the world. they just want to whine and fantasize.
their inherent lack of self-respect is belied not only by the fact that they can't imagine doing anything that contributes to building a better, more resilient society, but how they can't imagine that doing so might involve a lot of small acts and choices and not one big act of heroism that gets them on the news as Big Man Of The Year.
Went to the grocery store with my kindergartener. We weighed some bananas: 2 pounds even. We weighed a watermelon: 4 pounds even. We weighed some mangos: a little over 1 pound. We weighed the watermelon AND the bananas: 6 pounds even.
“That’s funny” said the child “because 2+4=6 and two pounds and four pounds is six pounds. It’s like the same as math!”
“What happens if you add 6+1?”
“SEVEN”
“What if we put one pound of mangos on the scale?” <mangos added>
“IT’S THE SAME!!”
“OK, what’s 7-4?”
“Three?”
“What if we take the four pound watermelon off the scale?” <watermelon removed>
“Mama! Are you telling me math works In Real Life? Think of all the things you could measure!!”

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The Doctor and The Master implies a third, less prestigious renegade timelord named The Bachelor
they don't tell you this but when an event is advertised as "for all ages" they mean kids. they mean kids. if you, a grown-up, show up expecting to do the arts'n'crafts, you're the weirdo. even though they said "all ages."
look, i work at a morgue, i get to see every day how withered and small bodies can get when someone was sick. it’s awful. do you know how bone-thin a leg can get. or how a stomach really looks beneath the ribs when it’s wasted away. the way people’s eyes and cheeks press in to their skull like they’re clinging on for dear life. they died like that, and you want to try and sell me a lie, a pill, a miracle cure that’ll make me live in that state? that’ll make my friends look like that, my family, the people i love? to see corpses in them?
this job makes me appreciate all the more bodies lived in and well-loved. please eat that second serving. please give yourself treats as much as you want. life is not long enough to suffer through it. you’ll be plenty skinny when you’re dead.
eurydice
instead of "people pleaser" it might be better to think "disapproval fearer" if that's the emotional stick that's motivating action; important to consider at least three reasons to do something:
it's a good thing to do
I want to do the thing
people will be mad if I don't do the thing
and if 3. is the most weighty reason then that's a potential problem.

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ocean.com/fish
ocean.com/fish/careers
A good chunk of friendship is just looking after someone else's good like you would your own. Like you see that the grocery store has a discount on that gross thing that Nobody Else But Your One Friend In Particular even likes, and you know that they fucking love those things, so you message them like "hey you like these things, do you want some? You can pay me back later" and they immediately send you the money like "holy shit buy all of them" because you remembered they like those things.
When I went to see my friends for the pride thing last weekend, we went out to eat before that and while we were talking about stuff while waiting for our bill, one of my friends who carries a whole medical bay in their bag took out one of those nice glass-cleaning wet wipes and started cleaning their glasses with it. Focused on the conversation I didn't pay much attention to it but the next time I looked at their direction I noticed them putting away glasses with a different glasses chain (they have like 35 of them, to match every outfit)
And I thought "hold on, how the fuck do they have the same kind of glasses chain pendants as I do? I made those out of earrings I found from goodwill!" until I realised that no wait those are my sunglasses. They just cleaned them out too since my glasses were right next to their elbow on the table and they had the glasses cleaning stuff out. Didn't ask whether I'd want them to do that as a favour, just casually took care of my shit too since it was conveniently there, just the same as they take care of their own things.