ermmm. what the fish

i want a perfect buddy i want a perfect bro

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

What they don’t tell you about getting into bird watching is that once you get into it, you do not get to decide when you bird watch. You can be on the beach of some distant tropical country with nothing planned except relaxing. But then you see a Common Fluttering Nut Buster and you’re like fuckkkkkkkk holy shit guys the Common Fluttering Nut Buster is not supposed to live this far west holy shitttttttttt

if you want pluto to be a planet so bad get out there and fuck it with your penis so it gets big and pregnant. otherwise don't talk to me about it

i have wild sentences roaming through me at all times

they should make a sandhill crane emoji

Once the dead horse decomposes, you're gonna wish you beat it more

3-5 turkey vultures will soon be dispatched to your location.

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time