A known bisexual. Administrative coordinator by day. Writer also by day. Asleep by night, unless something’s gone terribly wrong. Autistic, at all hours.
My special interests take the form of serial fandom obsessions. Currently the Imperial Radch universe has full custody of my brain (out of nowhere jesus christ). If you followed me for (counts backwards on fingers) Hades II, Tears of the Kingdom, Hades, Transistor, Baccano!, Soul Eater, or any other fandom I don’t post about anymore, sorry about that. I do not have any control over the direction of the special interest.
I write a lot of fanfiction, specializing--I may as well cop to this, I think it's been the case since I was in college--in what we'll call eroticized power dynamics. You can find me on AO3. That and tumblr are my only social medias presently, on account of the horrors.
Below the cut, I'd like to highlight a few of the fics or fic series that I'm proudest of for each fandom.
Hades II
Daughters of Hades: A post-epilogue exploration Melinoe's and Hecate's relationship, written in second person. When Hecate finds herself troubled—even haunted—by memories of an alternate timeline, you are determined to do everything you can to help her.
a thing that suffers: what's the most me fanfiction you can imagine? That's right. It's Meg domming Prometheus. While you're at it, check out the "Prometheus's Weird-Ass Relationship With Agency" tag. Love that guy.
Causality: Chaos contemplates causality and responsibility in their recent actions, and compares their own understanding of such to that of the saffron-clad spawn of Hades. Basically a chance for me to have fun writing from their POV because writing from weird POVs is like a brother to me.
Tears of the Kingdom
Questions of Kingship: Two PWP one-shots followed by a multichapter plotted work. Elements of dubcon and noncon throughout. Recommended if you like made-up politics, think TOTK maybe should have thought a little harder about the implications of its made-up politics, or just want to see two horrible men who hate each other fuck about it.
Following Ganondorf's oath of fealty to Hyrule, Rauru "invites" the Gerudo chief to stay at Hyrule Castle while Gerudo's subsumption into Hyrule is negotiated. It's a strategic action; Rauru does need to keep an eye on him. But his frustration with Ganondorf's false humility hides a desire that even he is not comfortable with, and Ganondorf has his own plans for the self-styled king of Hyrule.
Hades
Hello it is I a megzag main. reach out and grasp will be your best starting point. It focuses on Megaera's friendship with Thanatos and how it is affected by her (and Thanatos's) relationship with Zagreus. This series is available as a pay-what-you-want e-book at itch.io. From there, feel free to branch out; there is a lot of porn here and some things that are not porn. A further guide to my Hades fic can be found here.
Transistor
Not so much of the power dynamics in this fandom but I love Red/Boxer so much. I am not immune to a sword with a gentle voice. Here's the two of the on the verge of becoming a couple; here's what was as far as I can tell the first Red/Boxer smut on the entire internet even though I showed up three years late. Here is a post-game fic in which they finally must discuss the final act of the game.
Baccano!
Maskmaker trio my beloved. I've written over 100k across two separate "Monica is alive" AUs and my sole comfort is that I could never be as obsessed with this thought as Huey is.
Mad Religion is a one of my masterworks: set in the 2001 of an AU where Monica never died, Huey and Monica stumble upon a branch of SAMPLE only to discover that Elmer has already stumbled upon the cult on his own and is trying to make their sacrifice smile. Because that's what he's for--isn't it? If you like writing dealing with unnamed religious trauma, this one is for you.
Other than that--wow I cannot even begin to summarize my work in this fandom. Here's Ronny and Maiza getting to know each other in 1711. Here's Huey being the worst father imaginable to Liza. Here's a lil tone poem of Huey thinking on Monica and Elmer in the 1930s. Conversely here is Fermet leaning real hard on Huey's boundaries. There's more out there, my friends, but it's so scattered. I'm not even mentioning Ronny/Lucrezia here.
Soul Eater
Hello it is I a Medusa/Stein main. And also a "Stein's relationship with Lord Death/authority" main (I was working through some things at the time).
What it Means to Lose Control: When Stein has to give up control in order to fight, some are more than willing to step in and claim it from him. A Medusa/Stein divergent AU. I turned this into an e-book, with some side stories included; you can get that here (mobi | epub)
A God without an Ego: An examination of the relationship between Stein and Lord Death—where it works and where it falls apart. Looks like I never put this one on AO3... well, I'm not linking each piece individually on ff.n. The best way to read these ones is on e-book (mobi | epub)
Prior fandoms
If you want to go further back than "the tail end of my college years" godspeed and for god's sake please don't tell me about it. WallofIllusion on ff.n, you'll find some The World Ends With You, some Ace Attorney (original trio), some Death Note, and some Yu-Gi-Oh!. Also more Soul Eater than I transferred over to AO3.
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today's reason I fucking love the open source community: Ageless Linux, a brand new Debian-based operating system specifically designed to break the law by giving children access to computers that explicitly refuse to track their age.
after all those enemies, killing me and killing me and killing me, I thought Toby Fox hated me, but then, I saw it... the song I yearned for the most... the one I longed for while throwing myself repeatedly against him until I could finally defeat him, thus unlocking for myself permission to listen to the OST... it's nearly a whole five minutes long. and I realized. Toby Fox loves me
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Clotilde Olyff (Belgian, b. 1962, based Brussels, Belgium) - Stone Alphabet, 1994. She collected these over a 14-year period from the banks of rivers and oceans.
ok so this is The Court Jester with Danny Kaye and it is the best fucking movie i swear. It’s a comedy musical robin hood parody thing about an incompetent moron and his extremely competent ass-kicking girlfriend taking down a tyrannical king and restoring the throne to the rightful heir
-the rightful heir is a baby and they can tell it’s the right baby because of a giant birthmark on his asscheek
-the main character’s only talent is singing and the rest of the pseudo robin-hood group just kinda tolerate him because he repeatedly fucks up
-he gets hypnotized into believing he is this amazing swashbuckling sword fighting hero along the lines of Wesley from the Princess Bride and ends up fighting the villain while snapping in and out of hypnosis
-the vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison, the chalice with the palace has the brew that is true “what”
-he stumbles his way through the entire plot and never knows what the hell is going on
-Danny Kaye is the funniest motherfucker you’ve never heard of
And a fun tidbit from the filming was that Danny Kaye had never fenced before this film, so he was trained by Basil Rathbone’s stunt double who was also the fight coordinator. Kaye got so proficient so quickly, that Rathbone himself had to do most of the duel scenes between them as the fight coordinator eventually couldnt keep up with him on the more technical parts of the fight. If you watch closely, you can see that Rathbone stays on camera doing the fencing for a much larger percentage of time than he normally did by that point in his career, and Kaye does all but a couple of shots of his own fencing, because HIS double couldnt keep up and make it believable.
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what she's thinking: I know the end of AM says that the whole Hrad fleet went back with Uemi and wasn't interested in the Republic but what about Uemi's ship. What about real Uemi's ship. Are you telling me Sword of Inil was just OK with that happening to its captain? Maybe it went back to Hrad and then went PSYCHE get in the shuttle bitch, you're getting off me now and I'm leaving to go hang out with my cousins
let's picture Fleet Captain Uemi having a terrible day 😌💭
(drabble-and-a-half, set approx. 20 seconds after she gets the news about the Republic of Two Systems)
--
The person who is no longer Uemi sits in Command, frozen, one of Sword of Inil’s ancillaries at her side. If it has any reaction to this news, it isn’t showing it. Silently, she instructs it to suspend communications with Mercy of Kalr, and she makes certain it actually does that.
Her next closest body is a gate away. Any impulse she sends it now won’t be carried out for half a day.
She can’t wait that long. “Aatr’s tits,” she snarls, putting three thousand years’ venom into the words. And then, through gritted teeth, “I should have killed her.”
The Sword of Inil ancillary turns its head her way. “Shall I convey that sentiment to Mercy of Kalr, Fleet Captain?”
Is there malice in the question? There’s nothing she can do about it if there is.
“No, Sword of Inil,” she responds bitterly. “I suspect it is already aware.”
I will say that the vast majority of people I know who experienced childhood abuse or neglect growing up tend to not conceptualize it as such, often for long periods of time. and I think that's partially because of how the specific ways that families abuse and neglect their kids are normalized within that family, like, just like... I often will be talking to someone about their childhood and they'll be like "but my parents think it's normal" and its like well no shit your parents thought that was a normal way to raise a child, the fact that they thought that was a normal way to raise a child is the problem.
and I think it's also partially because... there is this pattern I see in families that produce traumatized kids, wherein the narrative of who the child is is ultimately owned by the family. like, your parents own Knowledge Of Your Self. any attempts to assert expertise in the field of who you are or what you experience is met with derision mockery punishment etc.
this can present in a variety of ways, and some of them look fairly benign, including things like "my parents think I'm this kind of person, but they don't really understand that I am a different kind of person, and every time I try to assert the person I actually am, they argue with me and try to overlay their version of me on to reality instead of listening to me about who I am and what my experiences are"
and I think that depending on how you experience that, it can range from being Just Annoying in some cases to, in many cases, being quite traumatic in and of itself. because it means that you have been trained not to believe that your understanding of yourself and your experiences is ultimately something that is owned by you. which I think is incredibly incredibly damaging both on a personal and relational level. ownership of our own self narrative is a REALLY important thing for human beings to have.
functionally I think that this often presents as an inability to understand what your own needs even are, and a willingness to simply assume that whatever you are feeling at any given time must be the incorrect reaction, especially in the face of an assertion by someone else that the correct reaction would be different than the reaction you are having.
those are both very long-lasting relational harms that go on to cause more harm in the future, because it is impossible to have a truly mutually trusting and healthy interpersonal relationship with someone when you are not aware of what your own needs are, and are certainly not capable of communicating them.*
*I did not say this to undervalue important intimate relations that we do develop with others when we are in this stage, because obviously everyone is capable of forming very strong and often very positive bonds with the people around them, but I think that there is a level of trust and safety that you cannot reach with someone to whom you cannot express your needs. and that includes yourself.
I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor
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Fuck that post going around saying "you can have coffee in your story without justifying it :) you don't need to explain everything :)" I want, no, I DEMAND a fully researched ethnobotanical paper on every single food item in your work, if you don't explain to me where did potatoes come from in your fantasy setting or don't explain how the industry of coffee works over interstellar distances with full detail you are doing things wrong and I personally hate you and I hate your stupid story, fuck you
Why are your stupid little wizards and knights eating potato stew in your dumb European middle ages fantasy world. Where did they get potatoes from. Where is the center of domestication of potatoes, do you have a fantasy Andean civilization? What are the social and economic consequences of having such a calorie rich crop in cold climates. I don't care about "themes" or "enemies to lovers with found family", I didn't ask about that. Where does your idiot space captain gets their shitty coffee from. Is it imported from Earth? Are there coffee growing worlds? Is it an alien species replacement with the same name? What are the social consequences of that? Don't try to change the subject, I'll stop pointing the gun when I want, I'm trying to have a conversation here,
