The Motherfucking Wizard

Is anyone in the market for a cloak of lightning? It makes lightning strike nearby to dramatically reveal your face for a moment when in a dark hall. I have no need for it, for I feel it makes me look evil, so I’m selling it for $60CAD. Good condition, willing to hear deals but I know what I have.

What color is it, what fabric is it made out of, any other embellishments it may have, and does it have a hood?

It’s a plain black wool coat with an inner lining of what appears to be bear fur (it was handed down to me from a macabre, nature-hating individual, so assume it’s probably real wool and real fur), comes as a set with a separate hood of the same material. It does smell like embalming fluid and the pheromones of a distressed or dead fairy, but I’m guessing that’d come out with a few washes.

Oh geez… sounds like it needs some work. Although I do have the extra coin from my latest raid on the Brotherhood of Eunuchs… fuck it, I’ll take it. As long as it’s not cursed in any other way, because it’s going to be sitting around in a box for a while before I feel hyperfixated enough to work on it.

Is anyone in the market for a cloak of lightning? It makes lightning strike nearby to dramatically reveal your face for a moment when in a dark hall. I have no need for it, for I feel it makes me look evil, so I’m selling it for $60CAD. Good condition, willing to hear deals but I know what I have.

What color is it, what fabric is it made out of, any other embellishments it may have, and does it have a hood?

It’s a plain black wool coat with an inner lining of what appears to be bear fur (it was handed down to me from a macabre, nature-hating individual, so assume it’s probably real wool and real fur), comes as a set with a separate hood of the same material. It does smell like embalming fluid and the pheromones of a distressed or dead fairy, but I’m guessing that’d come out with a few washes.

I am going to go to your wizard tower and putting up a poster about moving with WASD and checking inventory with I!

The council only recommended that I put up posters connected to my tower's particular puzzles, and even said that I can gate some of them behind the magic glasses concealment spell! They even classed @jimkinnz as a boss-level enemy instead of a mini boss!

i,m even allowed to make my weak spot harder to target with the lock·on system¡

(·•᷄∩•᷅ ) they classified mè as a mini boss (·•᷄∩•᷅ )

That’s it, I’m bringing the the poison spewing topiary monsters back to my tower!

you,re replacing my little cousin as your mini boss¿ (⁠๑⁠´⁠•⁠.̫⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠`⁠๑⁠)

He’s being promoted to mini boss that compliments the main boss’s attack pattern.

Guys should my castle have this plaques or is this wizards only?

Man it’s not even evil dungeons being required to put up tutorial messages… They put up a sign in front of my little booth for selling potions and the like that says some shit like “certain merchants will buy certain types of items for more or less, or even outright refuse some goods.” And they hid a level 1 charming ring under a rock nearby,,,

broooo did you seriously disturb my eternal rest & bring me back to this mortal coil just because my ancient enemy the eternal night has returned? after i sealed it away and everything? which one of you tampered with my binding runes 🙄

where's my useless apprentice i TOLD him it was going to be the duty of the next generation to not repeat the mistakes of those before them and to make this world bet- oh my apprentice goes by her now? you're telling me she's right in front of me! my dear i'm so sorry i didn't know. you look so much more happier and more confident than the bumbling, shy apprentice i once knew. im so proud of you. were you the one who tampered with my fucking runes

I can relate in the opposite way as a half-elf haha. The tower I live in was originally owned by a dwarf and I have to duck through the doors

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

kids these days are just too busy being gay to go on my perilous wizard quests

always on that damn phone instead of my perilous wizard quests