Ratazom the Red

It's always the same with these corporate types. Suck the fun out, replace it with cubicles

master has told me [falsely] that a cubicle is the natural habitat of the homuncuIus•

yes' but more like an ice tray and less like an office•

And just like those ice trays, this giant’s office is too cool for a slick wizard like me. So I will be burning the giant’s office down and gifting the regional manager bandits +1 rapiers to inspire them to go independent.

But their quarterly profits will take a huge hit if they leave the corporate structure!!!!!

all my haters become cicaders when i enter the summer of success

🥺🥺🥺🥺 what if I say please 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Been thinking about Wizards a lot lately

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

Extraterrestrial wizards keep mocking my looking glass at the top of my wizard tower by coming just into my viewing range, flipping me off, and then flying away. Someday I’ll get a better telescope so I can track where they’re going and then I will shoot a beam attack at them.

I sell very high-quality telescopes, and at cut-rate prices, too! Come by and prepare your revenge!!!

boys like it when you imprison them in the ornate birdcage that hangs in the centre of your lair

oh shit nummzy' hide the makeup¡

we all have that one friend trying to rebuild the world according to their own warped philosophy

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

update: three four people

Succumb to the amulet?

Succumb to the amulet!!!

The wizard swap meet is so dead with this heat wave. No one wants to go out and forage for dangerous mushrooms or dredge lakes for lost swords. I showed up with a crate of old art prints of sigils and I couldn’t get any lookers because everyone was just marveling at a sorcerer that enchanted a cow to dispense ice cold lemonade from its udders.

Well, I just wanted to help people. The swap meet gets sweltering!

Yes, but why did you make it free? You could have made a killing! People were there to buy!

People are there to SWAP, it’s a technical difference, but a difference all the same. Plus, I saw you slip your mouth directly onto a teat at one point.

The wizard swap meet is so dead with this heat wave. No one wants to go out and forage for dangerous mushrooms or dredge lakes for lost swords. I showed up with a crate of old art prints of sigils and I couldn’t get any lookers because everyone was just marveling at a sorcerer that enchanted a cow to dispense ice cold lemonade from its udders.

Well, I just wanted to help people. The swap meet gets sweltering!

Yes, but why did you make it free? You could have made a killing! People were there to buy!

Wizard Chandler: No, I'm telling you, Ross has finally reanimated a dinosaur skeleton. We all thought he was a fool to try, I mocked him most of all, it's one of my favorite things to do. Wizard Monica: Don't feed his delusions, Chandler. He probably just summoned unseen servants to move it about. Wizard Rachel: Well I can think of one bone I wish he was better with :/ *studio audience laughter* *A t-Rex skeleton bursts through the apartment wall with Wizard Ross flailing in pain trapped in it's jaws* Wizard Phoebe: Oh, I kept imagining it as a raptor. You know, for the phalanges. Wizard Joey: Ross, cut it out, the commercial I'm in for the new mana potion is about to come on the TV.

I watched an old episode of the mundane adaptation of this with Warren the other day, and I have to say I was surprised that even when they purged every other wizard reference they could, they just couldn't write out Phoebe's love for arch-necromancer Regina Phalange

It also seems like they were never fully able to write away Phoebe’s wizardly tendencies. But it makes sense, she was the most powerful wizard on the show.

Armies tremble at the thought of her Smelly Cat Blast

Wizard Chandler: No, I'm telling you, Ross has finally reanimated a dinosaur skeleton. We all thought he was a fool to try, I mocked him most of all, it's one of my favorite things to do. Wizard Monica: Don't feed his delusions, Chandler. He probably just summoned unseen servants to move it about. Wizard Rachel: Well I can think of one bone I wish he was better with :/ *studio audience laughter* *A t-Rex skeleton bursts through the apartment wall with Wizard Ross flailing in pain trapped in it's jaws* Wizard Phoebe: Oh, I kept imagining it as a raptor. You know, for the phalanges. Wizard Joey: Ross, cut it out, the commercial I'm in for the new mana potion is about to come on the TV.

I watched an old episode of the mundane adaptation of this with Warren the other day, and I have to say I was surprised that even when they purged every other wizard reference they could, they just couldn't write out Phoebe's love for arch-necromancer Regina Phalange