Princess? Honey I’m The Queen Bee

if i bring a book someplace it doesn't necessarily mean i want to read it mayb i just want to take her on a walk. Get her some fresh air and a change of scenery

Happy anniversary to the 2021 Suez Canal obstruction. 23–29 March 2021 were the funniest 6 days and 7 hours we could have ever asked for.

I believe he also now has a library card.

forgive me father for i have opened a notification and read the message within to make the red dot go away and then forgot to reply for a month . it will happen again

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

You meet god

Whole, in one gulp.

Father of the Muffin Boy

Car's haunted

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

into the sky, where it turns into stars

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah

What a year this week has been.

It’s Monday.

It sure as hell is.

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

as a woman in the ozempics era you HAVE to have friends who eat normally (3-4 meals a day, no girl dinner bullshit) and who are always down to going to cafes and eating burguers and fries and stuff, I cannot stress how vital for your mental health it is to have friends with whom you feel free to say you're hungry at any time and with whom you feel free to eat as much as you want

New York is the exact opposite of Minnesota. New York is where the Big Apple is and Minnesota is where Minneapolis

Can we find a sun god or diety from every timezone and make a map of them all?

We probably can, but the question is should we?

How else will ship captains know who to pray to when they circumnavigate the globe?

…Give me until the end of the weekend. 

Well, there you have it folks. Safe travels.

I know they're named after him but for reasons I can't fully articulate it's hilarious that the guy who invented zeppelins was named Ferdinand von Zeppelin

Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin literally sounds like the joke name someone would make up if they didn't know the actual answer