🌙🕌

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

i want you on my team holy shit

you have to be careful reading too many things that are good/smart/well-written bc then you encounter something that isnt and you get confused like ? why didnt they just make this good ? were they stupid

Still rocking an NFT icon in this day and age is like seeing a confederate flag on the back of someone’s truck. You lost 100 years ago, fucker, it’s over.

this is the first time in my life i thought oh i hope there’s music

Luke’s face is what makes this.

just got a call from the american psychiatric association. you old dogs, i said, picking up on the first ring. how many times i gotta tell you to lose this number. i don’t want you coming around here anymore. “listen, toots, we’ve been doing some thinking,” they says, and i says, guess there’s a first time for everything. “you’re a real funny dame, sugardoll. reviewing criticism, we’ve determined that the biggest issue with our previous diagnostic and statistic manuals of mental disorders is the anonymity of it all. we’ve been circling around a vague figure of the mentally well without defining the traits of a mentally well person. there’s no personality. what we need is a cute broad with a couple opinions to model the psychological norm.” so i’m saying back up and give it to me straight: i’m the new standard of sanity? can i get that in writing? and they say, “as the american psychiatric association we hereby state that you are the baseline and any deviations from your personality are deviations from the very concept of sanity, at least in the united states psychiatric system.” they’re making it public tomorrow. it’s a nice gig, if you really want to know. never thought they’d let a woman do it.

When I die I wanna be resurrected as the crab in the bucket of crabs that pulls the other crabs back into the bucket. And I'll love doing it

if i could die i would wanna be resurrected as a crab strong enough to pull your crabsona out of the bucket. and then where would you be

glad they added new maps to baseball

And the wisest monk said "young one, you reject the unenlightened ways of Hazbin Hotel, but not three years ago, I recall you posting twink Wheatley in great enthusiasm. You must not hate what you discard on the path to enlightenment. All of our old selves are within us, and we must imagine them lezzing out."

Extremely irksome as an autistic person to ask a clarifying question and be told you’re “splitting hairs” when you genuinely just don’t understand because there isn’t enough information. Like, buddy. This is me at my most basic level of “what do you mean by that.” You wanna see me split hairs? If you really saw how thin I could slice a hair you’d hurl

I will split a hair into smaller halves every hour my demands of mutual participation in communication are not met

Huh, didn't know there was a term for it. This explains why I haven't been drinking as much lately.