stuck yucky in l'manburg

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten over the fact that ctommy’s bday is the 4th of july. like you’re the epitome of child soldier and you gave everything for the nation you created and your name is what they call british soldiers and you were born on the 4th of july. yeah of course you were like god. GOD

the tragic thing about ctommy is if it weren't for the everything he truly would have been fine. if it weren't for the wars and trauma and betrayal he would literally be like. minecraft's equivalent of a normal person. his shit was not chemical, it was environmental through and through, and now he will never be that happy bubbly annoying kind of mean kid who literally just liked playing and having fun and MONEYYYY. he's scared and sad and there is a world where he wasn't and he can never go back bc these things HAPPENED these things CHANGED HIM. wilbur's shock at tommy trying to kill himself is not just a man who does not see the hurt in his brother, who does not see the possibility of pain, but because there was a point in time where that genuinely never would have been an option for tommy. he would die for his country, he would die for his brother, but he would never die because of how bad he hurts. and then he wants to. makes a man want to weep.

like i know how we talk about how wilbur is so fucking real for the blackout beating the shit out of dream fantasy but it's genuinely like. can you imagine getting that information? that your brother, literally the epitome of WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS!! EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!! THINGS ARE SHIT BUT AT LEAST WE HAHE THE PEOPLE WE LOVE!! and these things used to piss you off, these things used to make you want to hurt him just enough so he could finally get a fucking glimpse of what you feel but you never COULD he never hated you he never GAVE UP. except he did. this annoying asshole who you love more than anything, who could never conceive of killing himself outside of defending the things he loves no matter the cost, he looked at his life, he looked at the world and what it was doing to him, and he almost jumped ofd that fucking tower. because of ONE MAN. one awful fucking man. like just thinking about that man. i would never be okay again because like. in a way wilbur got what he wanted yknow like tommy FELT that hurt, but wilbur never wanted tommy to understand what it was like to want to die, he just wanted tommy to understand why wilbur wants to die and why that isn't necessarily a bad thing. does it ever all make you fucking crazy man.