Bluemoonsymphony

“—looks so tired, I don’t wanna wake him up.”

 “He’s gonna feel worse if he doesn’t eat.” A warm rumble pulls Leo from his nap. He’s curled up in something warm and firm. He feels safe, like nothing in the world can hurt him.

 He peels his eyes open to look at his surroundings.

 Oh, Raph’s holding him.

 That makes sense, Raph always holds him when he’s tired.

 “Mornin’, ‘aphie.” Owww, why does his throat still hurt so much? Shouldn’t it be healed by now? And why’s it so bright in here? It’s night!

 Awareness seeps like molasses into his mind, and he finally registers Mikey standing next to him. Why does he look so concerned, though?

 Then, he remembers Mikey’s panic attack/meltdown (because of Leo). That right after Mikey, Donnie had a panic attack/meltdown.

 “Morning, Mikester,” He puts on his best ‘Everything is totally fine!’ smile and reaches down to pat Mikey’s head, “how’re you doing?”

  “I’m good, Leo,” he leans into Leo’s hand, closing his eyes happily, “how’s your throat feeling?”

 “Way better. Don’t worry, Angie.” Leo signals for Raph to set him down.

 Despite his smile, Leo can see the creases of worry in Mikey’s face. And that’s not happening. Mikey shouldn’t be worried about this (about him). Leo looks around for something to distract him with.

 He catches a whiff of cinnamon, perfect!

 “Oooo, what’s that smell?” He asks, making sure to up the excitement in his voice.

 Mikey perks up, eyes popping open, “I made stuffed French toast!”

 “Nice!” Leo cheers, and starts dragging them to the kitchen, “I don’t know about Ellie, but I’ve been craving your French toast for weeks!”

 Raph nods in agreement, smile at both of them. They get to the kitchen, and Leo makes a beeline for the kettle to re-make his tea. Mikey starts chopping up fruit to go with the toast.

 Mikey’s talking dies down, so Leo asks Raph about his progress on the teddy bear he’s been making for April. Apparently, he finally found the right fabric for its jacket.

 He finishes making his tea, and sits down next to Raph, who’s still happily chattering away. Mikey chimes in with his own questions, plopping down next to them, to continue the conversation.

 He leans into Raph’s side, sipping on his tea. The soothing heat is like a balm for the sharp pains in his throat. Mikey pulls out his phone to show Raph a picture he’s been working on.

 They’ve both completely forgotten about Leo’s neck, just like he intended. Injury or not, Leo still has his Faceman-touch.

.........

Donnie steps back to check his work, he’s already finished Apology Gifts #1, #2, and #3. And now—as he sets down the last bag— Apology Gift #4 is complete too. With the gifts finally done, he heads off to gather his brothers.

 He might not be the best with words or emotions, but he does his best to show his love in other ways.

 Which is why he makes gifts. As a physical reminder of his care.

 But this time he messed up, and hurt Leo with his gift. So now, he must fix it. He just hopes that this will be enough. He shakes his head, if this isn’t enough, he’ll just keep trying.

 He will fix this.

.......

Donnie drags all three of them to the living room, now decked out with every blanket and pillow (except Leo’s, R.I.P Moldy) in the lair. Leo can also see a pile of snacks and drinks in the corner, and the first Jupiter Jim movie is queued up.

 He wonders how Donnie managed to get Splinter to leave the projector on Tuesday, when the movie night isn’t until Saturday.

 Probably threats. Or bribery. Either way, Leo’s astounded by the sight. There’s fresh pizza stacked next to the snacks. From Mike-Tony’s.

 Leo chest fills with affection.

 “Behold, brethren,” Donnie says with his usual gusto, “Apology Gift #4, a Jupiter Jim-Lou Jitsu marathon!”

 Did he say #4?!

 Okay, it was sweet a minute ago, but that’s a bit too far. Better take the focus off of his throat before it goes too far.

 “Aww, ‘Tello!” Leo says dramatically, channeling all of the obnoxiousness he possesses—a lot—and puts a hand to his chest, “You all this for me? I’m honored!”

 Donnie’s face twists, like he Leo just hit him, which is not the desired reaction. Shit!

 He back-peddles immediately, letting his earlier affection seep into his tone, “Thanks, Dee,” he puts a hand on Donnie’s shoulder, “but you didn’t need to. I forgive you.”

 This somehow makes Donnie’s expression more crumpled, so he tries to clarify, “I just mean it isn’t necessary. I know it wasn’t on purpose!”

 The look Donnie is giving him is nothing short of heartbroken, like Leo saying he already forgave him is the worst thing ever. He looks back to Raph and Mikey, only to see them wearing the same expression.

 “I want to,” Donnie suddenly says.

 “Why?” Leo asks, why does Donnie want to apologize, “I forgive you! Let’s just forget about it!”

 “‘Nardo, I hurt you. I can’t just forget about that,” Donnie grabs him by the shoulders, looking into his eyes even though he hates eye contact, “it’s too important.”

 It’s fine. Definitely not important, it’s just a thing that happened. A thing they can forget about.

 “It’s fine! It was an accident!” Things can go back to normal now! Doesn’t Donnie want that?

 Donnie’s tearing up now, “Leonardo—”

 “Uh oh, full name,” he jokes, “am I in trouble?”

 Donnie ignores him, “—it is not fine. Whether I intended to or not, I hurt you. So I am going to apologize, and you can’t stop me.”

 Leo goes to protest, but Donnie glares at him.

 Fine.

 Donnie drags them both to sit in the beanbags, pulls out a bottle of something, and pours some into a medicine cup, passing it to Leo.

 “That’s Apology Gift #2. A medication I modified to help sooth your throat and help it heal faster.”

 Leo begrudgingly drinks it, only because Donnie is giving him the most hopeful and guilt look.

  It tastes like sour gummies. Mikey and Raph are still standing behind them, yet Donnie doesn’t seem all that bothered.

 Donnie takes a deep breath, “Leonardo, you are my brother, and I would never, ever dream of hurting you. Especially not with, as Mikey called it, a shock collar—”

 Leo flinches at the term. If Donnie notices, he doesn’t comment on it.

 “—but I did. I—unintentionally— abused your trust in me. And I can never make up for that.”

 “You don’t need to! It’s not a big deal!” Leo shouts.

 “It is to me! You’re important to me!”

 “Why?!”

 Crap. He didn’t mean to say that.

 Donnie’s face drops, and he looks like Leo just stabbed him. Leo’s vision blurs with hot tears. He wipes at them; yet more take their place.

 “I mean, I know ‘why’, it’s just taking a bit to sink in. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.” Leo gives his best smile. Hopefully it will—

 Donnie reaches forward and pulls him into a tight hug.

 “I am so, so sorry, Leo.” He says, “You didn’t deserve it, and I will never let it happen again.”’

 “Its fine!” He says, trying to break free from Donnie’s iron hold, “I know you didn’t mean to! Let’s just forget about it!”

 Donnie doesn’t say anything as Leo keeps struggling, pushing away as hard as he can without hurting him. He shuts his eyes tight, in frustration and to keep anything from slipping out.

 It’s fine. He’s fine! He’ll get over it, his stupid brain just hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

 “JUST LET IT GO!” Leo pushes with everything he has, until only Donnie’s hands still have their grip on his hoodie, “LET ME GO! I’M FINE!”

 Wow, Donnie’s medicine really works. Leo’s throat doesn’t hurt at all.

 Something way too close to a sob slips out as he desperately tries to shove his fingers underneath Donnie’s, to force them off. The adrenaline’s starting to taper out, but he keeps trying to free himself.

 Suddenly, one of Donnie’s hands slip away. Leo’s eyes snap open, and he’s face to face with Donnie. His face is drenched in tears, but he doesn’t look any less concerned and determined.

 He reaches up to Leo with the hand he just untangled, and wipes it gently across Leo’s face.

 Oh. He started crying.

 The last of the fight drains out of him, and Leo slumps forward into Donnie. He buries his face in the soft purple of his hoodie, letting his eye’s slip shut as the tears spill free.

 Donie wraps his arms around him, and whispers, “You’re allowed to hurt. It’s okay, Leo.”

 Somehow, that’s what shatters him. The horrible feeling in his chest that’s been building finally breaks free. The shards of the glass cage he stuffed it into embed themselves in his heart.

 He curls his arms around his twin, clinging tightly. Everything he’s been holding in all week rips its way out of him as he wails into Donnie’s shoulder.

 “I know you didn’t mean to!” He screams, muffled by Donnie’s hoodie, “It shouldn’t hurt so much! Why does it hurt so much?!”

 Another sob rips its way through him. It feels empty, like the pain took everything else with it.

 Donnie squeezes him tighter, cradling the pieces of him in gentle hands as he falls apart. Soundlessly, Mikey runs over and hugs Leo from behind.

 Raph walks over wraps his arms around them, holding all three of them with pure love.

......

“Soooo…” Leo says, after they finish the first movie.

 Donnie’s been stuck to his side since his big apology, and—after he finally calmed down—Leo got quite the talking-to from Doctor Feelings about suppressing his emotions.

 A talk he’ll definitely obey later. Most indubitably.  

 “What was that you said about Apology Gifts 1 and 2?”

 Donnie perks up, “Ah, I nearly forgot!” He turns to Mikey, “Michel, behind you there should be a box. Please hand it to me.”

 Mikey stretches him arm behind himself without moving, in a disgusting display of flexibility that makes even Leo shudder. A minute later, he pulls a box up and passes it to Donnie, who accepts it and gives it to Leo.

 Leo smiles at him and opens the box.

 Inside, there’s a fluffy blue unicorn, that looks to be handsewn. His grin gets wider; he pulls it out and squeezes it to his plastron. Now that he’s paying attention, Leo notices the tiny pokes on his twin’s fingers.

 He keeps it resting in the crook of his arm as he picks up the second gift. A small metal oval in Donnie’s signature purple. He shoots Donnie a questioning look.

 “It allows you to shut off any of my inventions, at any time, with a vocal command.”

 Oh.

 Of course, Donnie would recognize his mistake and do something to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Still, it catches Leo off guard.

 The tears find their way back into Leo’s eyes, and he pulls Donnie into another bone-crushing hug. Donnie hugs him back just as hard. His heart feels so full.

 “I love you, ‘Tello.” He whispers past the happy tears.

 “Love you too, ‘Nardo.”