BethSmash Tumbles

Disclaimers: only available in epub, only tested on the three devices I happen to own, here be monsters, etc. etc.

Now, at 29, I’m lowkey having a panic attack because my academic email is filled with middle schoolers wanting me to answer their questions about pygmy raccoons and I keep putting off answering them because I’m so overwhelmed with all the other raccoon stuff I have to do.

i have a file or folder on my pc that i want to share with other people. let's call it gayshit.mp3

unfortunately gayshit.mp3 is 750mb and im not paying for discord nitro so i need another way to send it

i put it into qbittorrent and it makes a torrent file. this is essentially a very small file that points to gayshit.mp3 so other computers can find it. kinda like a treasure map

i send this tiny file to my friend, who loads it into qbittorrent. their computer takes a moment to find mine over the vast expanse of cyberspace and then (as long as my pc is running and the file is still where it should be), it gets copied from my hard drive to theirs

this is the cool part: if somebody else loads that tiny file, they can download it from both of us. if i'm offline but my friend is on, the third person can still get it. this also means that if two people have separate halves of the file, they can download the other half from each other. as long as some combination of people have the pieces between them, they can all have the whole thing.

crucially this does not require a server!!! you can just upload the file to a few people and as long as they keep it, it's still accessible. as long as somebody, somewhere is still connected, it's available forever. the only way it goes away is if everybody disconnects from it.

First, I need to address that the only social media I use is Tumblr, a private Discord with friends, and AO3. So the fact that I know about this terrible behavior means it is bad. 

Second, credentials. I’ve been in fandom spaces for over 15 years, creating for 11 years, and I have a Bachelors and (almost) a Masters in Creative Writing. I also was an editor on a literary magazine during my graduate classes. I normally don’t flaunt the degrees, because Good Writing comes from experience, not just degrees, but The Kids have me steamed.  

Now on to the Issue. 

Heated Rivalry (the show) is barely four months old, so why am I seeing fanfic authors already deleting fics and jumping ship on the fandom? 

Because I have seen thee most entitled comments I’ve ever seen in my fandom experience. People upset that a WIP isn’t uploading fast enough. Upset that a WIP isn’t going the way they want. Witch hunting authors because a fic is too good and too long to not be written AI. Leaving unwanted “feedback” and “critique.” Upset when authors take creative license. Just straight up bullying. 

Y’all have got to stop it or you’ll be out of fic by the end of Pride Month. 

This kind of behavior isn’t new in fandom (see, flame wars), but the severity and amount is flabbergasting. 

To the newbies, I am begging you to stop. Fandom is about community. Fandom community is about uplifting and supporting those around you. It’s about making friendships; creating headcanons, fic, art, and meta; and going “Look at this cool thing!” to your friends. This behavior of trashing fics in the AO3 comments, blasting authors on Twitter, and being a general all-around obnoxious human is relatively new and invasive to fandom. 

If you are new to fandom, this behavior can and should get you ostracized. 

When you’re new to an alt subculture, your job is to learn the history, respect your elders, and shut up when you’re wrong. Regardless of what you may believe, fandom is an alt subculture. COVID and then Heated Rivalry has shot it into the stratosphere. This kind of behavior is based on overconsumption and an idea that everything has to be built around your comfort level. Get used to being uncomfortable. 

If you hate, hate, hate a fic, use the back button and talk with a friend. Do not tell the author in an AO3 comment. Do not subtweet or vague post. 

And to authors? Keep blocking the assholes. Lock your fic to AO3, so if someone does comment like this you can block them. Monitor comments if you need to. And honestly, if you’re done with this behavior, delete the fic. I know it absolutely blows, but do not keep it up if it’s harming your mental health. Take care of yourself first. 

To the authors still posting: I see you, love you, and hope you have your favorite snack for life. 

To the authors who’ve deleted/left: I see you, love you, and hope you have your favorite snack for life. 

To users leaving excellent comments: I see you, love you, and hope you have your favorite snack for life. 

The request is so urgent my boss needs it by the end of the work week. Which, y'know, is 5 PM on a Friday. So I have four hours to do it.

It's a forwarded request. Somebody contacted a member of the donation team asking for help, "I need a map from the Vietnam War to use for a presentation." It's somebody she's trying to coax into giving a five figure donation to the museum.

The request was asked to the donation team member, who then emailed my boss, who then emailed and called me urgently.

This map required:

North and South Vietnam in it

All four areas that South Vietnam was divided into for military purposes ('Corps') clearly delineated

Four cities, all of them horrifically misspelled, and only identifiable because I know what battle the requester is asking about (it’s in III Corps on the border with Cambodia) (the requester danced around the battle but I’m knowledgeable enough to identify it)

Has Laos and Cambodia in it

Has the Ho Chi Minh Trail in it

So. I was mad about the 'you have literally four hours to find a map with a lot of requirements.'

I was then mad at myself about finding a copyright free map from Texas Tech University within half an hour, proving her right for asking me to do it.

Then, after I found a map that perfectly met the requirements, I was equally amazed, baffled, and horrified when I read further into the forwarded email chain.

The donation team team member they were speaking to used AI to generate a map.

The above put half of North Vietnam in South Vietnam, made the Ho Chi Minh Trail a country, made 60% of Cambodia part of South Vietnam, put the DMZ extremely high up in North Vietnam, completely disconnected the southern tip of Vietnam, misplaced all of the Corps zones, etc etc

At the very last second the donation team member had a moment of divine clarity, remembering there's three historians on payroll to ask for this kind of thing from. So she contacted my boss while saying, "I had fun with this, but I decided I should check for accuracy before I send it to the donor! I need a fact check by the end of the day, then I send it"

My boss, while not the most knowledgeable on the Vietnam War, does know her geography. She took one look, and knew it was so off she called me to tell me how urgent it is that I look at the email and respond

…only to be followed by this amazing message.

The roller coaster ride started.

With a happy ending…

…and a sweet poem to finish.

Tens of thousands of years ago people foraged and hunted for their food and ate whatever they could. Among their forage were wild cereals, which included the ancestors of modern cultivated wheat, barley and others.

People like sweet things. Grains are starchy, but if sprouted they start converting those starches to sugars, so people would've left grains in water to sprout. These sprouts are also easier to digest, thus more nutritious, which bestowed an invisible advantage on those sprouting their grains.

If grains are left in water too long, however, they begin to ferment. Alcohol is produced. People like alcohol.

In ancient Mesopotamia the fermented grains were experimented with, resulting in an early form of beer. The process of making that beer was quite complicated and involved a combination of sprouted and mashed grains.

People wanted beer all year round, but early beers did not have long shelf lives and the grain could only be harvested at certain times. So the ancient Mesopotamians invented a way of storing the ingredients for beer.

It was made of the grain mash, honey, dates and spices that were fermented to make beer. For storage, prior to fermentation, the mixture was baked dry, cut into smaller pieces and baked again to remove all water. This produced bapir, a product very much like biscotti, which could be stored for later rehydration and fermentation. Sometimes it was eaten instead.

I've made bapir, and I've eaten it. It is brittle but delicious. It's also a form of unleavened bread.

Bread was invented as a way to store the ingredients for beer, which was most likely a development from a chance discovery. Leavened bread (that is, with bubbles) may well have been discovered when a mixture like that for bapir was accidentally allowed to ferment before baking. Yeast is responsible for both alcohol production and leavening.