groundhog day time loop where the only people looping are you and another girl who tracks you down every single day and rapes and murders you

the first day after it happens you think oh my god i guess that was just gonna happen to me today, thank god i get another chance. so you alter your routine and she still finds you. so you figure ok, i guess this creep was trying to find me specifically and you make sure to be somewhere else entirely. and this time when she finds you she explains while she's breaking your wrists that the more you make her work for it each day the worse it'll be

you start the same place each morning at the same time. there's a limit on how far you can get, and she seems to know everything about you. every day is hide and seek across your entire hometown and every night you lose and you die with her cock in your guts. every single night.

one night without quite knowing know why you ask her what her name is. she laughs at you. you find yourself begging her to tell you. she won't. the next day you cry in bed all day & you die that night on her knife without ever leaving your room.

slowly you exhaust the possibilities for conversation with every other person. you get to know them and then they never change. nothing new ever happens to them. you lose track of the days, then start counting again, then lose track again. slowly it starts to feel like the only other person in the world who's even real is her. her. her.

nobody understands why you're so scared. why you're tired every morning when you went to sleep "last night" just after 9pm. you notice that the way people look at you starts to change -- and you know it's you because they're exactly the same every time. the stares and mutters must mean they can tell somehow. she's changing you. maybe if you change enough other things will change too. maybe she's helping. either way she's the only one who understands at all anymore. even if it's all her fault, at least you're not alone.

when she kills other people in front of you it's the worst. they never learn, or remember, so they're so shocked every time. so afraid. you know it's worse for them than it would be for you. you've practiced. it would be better if she did it to you.

the loop breaks long after you're already broken.

can't believe i forgot to reblog this on groundhog day

I should talk about the time I was forcibly injected with an antipsychotic that caused me to have a seizure and then made me stay awake for a full 48 hours straight just rocking back and forth in pain unable to open any of my curtains or turn on any lights. They gave me this without my consent. Told me it was for nausea. I said I wanted zofran. Ive never reacted badly to zofran. Zofran works for me. I was in the ER because I contracted Parvo and my immunocompromised body decided to amplify the pain from that to its absolute fullest extreme (of course i didnt find out it was parvo until several months later). I was in so much pain I was sobbing at the clothes on my body touching my skin. They saw bipolar and psychosis in my chart and decided I couldnt possibly be physically ill. They did nothing to rule it out. They ignored my seizure history in my chart and intentionally gave me a med that causes seizures in thoze with seizures. I was sent home still in pain and even worse than when I went to get help. Crazy people cant even have medical emergencies. We cant even ask for help. We will get "help" thats really just violence in disguise because everyone wants to fix our brains and not our discomfort. And they'll put us through hell to try and mold us into something "normal."

Please do not use this post to give me advice!!! Its been years and the specific hospital i went to is notorious for malpractice and bad recordkeeping. Several people have given me advice now and while I understand the intent. That is not the point. Even if I wanted to sue the court would not side with me because I have psychosis. The point is its well within legal bounds to basically torture people with psychosis who are seeking medical help. The medical industry and the government have no regaurd for your autonomy or wellbeing when you're crazy.

In the wake of Keith Porter, Renee Good, and Alex Pretti, "don't make a bad decision" feels like a threat to kill if you don't comply.

That's cuz it is

just making sure everyone knows, Fuck ICE <3

"drug tests are good and keep people from coming to work impaired" is right up there with "cops catch bad guys"

Wait, the author of the book about nazis having loving families and about how the holocaust was only sad because of the nazi casualties did what now?

Unironically I think the early to mid 20s age group in America has unbelievably bad consent boundaries on all levels and so much language to defend it but this makes me sound like elon musk if I say it however the commonality of someone who will be like “I had 47 panic attacks and it’s your fault” if you tell them no is insane

I rejected someone and got called “the scariest person I’ve ever met” with so much therapy speak interspersed like alright okay alright okay alright okay

“You just say whatever you’re thinking and I don’t know how to handle it” was verbatim part of this conversation. Also everyone hates to see an autistic bitch

As someone who experiences RSD, it's important to remember that the way you feel about someone saying no is Not the fault of whoever rejected you. Practice getting rejected often, and make sure to think about how you feel and why. It's difficult but we have to be able to be honestly answered in life. Because do you know what feels worse than rejection? Hurting someone you care about.

I do not endorse the previous commenter's choice of vocabulary to refer to CSA, but the information provided is worth a reblog.

learning that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the range of things that make one happy was kinda life changing for me. i apply it to everything not even just addiction i am always checking to ask if i am narrowing my range of happiness or widening it

always good to check whether your coping strategy has become something that needs its own coping strategies

EXCELLENT news on 1,086 days left!!

people saying that being trans is a white only thing is very strange to me because i remember when i was a kid people acted like it was pretty much only black people and thai people who were trans. obvsiouly both of those things are based in racism and transmisogyny but the rapid shift is strange