dead dove eater

When it comes to the whole trans discussion, we are left as a footnote and in some cases dismissed as "not really trans" due to outdated transmedicalism.

A common census is that non binary people generally don't experience dysphoria and just like to switch their pronouns and name. This is wildly untrue and generally isn't the case, though I am not dismissing the experiences of non binary people that don't experience dysphoria.

To use myself as an example, I do experience dysphoria in such a potent way that it's almost unbearable. I am constantly thinking about whether I look like my AGAB, whether I look cis, and I am planning on taking HRT to look as androgynous as I possibly can. Which brings me on to my other point.

There are far too little resources for us in general. Any HRT advice that I can find is lacking, redundant, and usually boils down to "there's no look for non binary" which is about as helpful as a bag of carrots is helpful when you're swimming out to sea. It's all marketed towards binary trans people usually.

Going back to the "not truly trans" thing, we are constantly ignored and sidelined in trans posts that ostensibly are for everyone. There are barely any blogs discussing our experiences. And the little discussion that we do get barely gets any attention. And the common image of us is generally white skinny people AFAB that look androgynous enough. Which is doubly frustrating for anyone that doesn't fit that mould.

We are also undermined as little kids playing with transness whilst the actual trans people have serious conversations about being trans. This view percolates so much of trans discussion that sometimes I don't feel legitimate enough to be trans. It's so fucking frustrating. And it is constant too. No, it's not just a trend that originated from here in 2014, we have existed for far longer than that.

Waving you in wearing sunglasses like a bouncer in movies. Please everyone is welcome to the foreskin party.

BUT YES!!!! AND THE REGAL THING???? GENIUS. Regal being the first person to really like. "Encourage" his bloodshed but still training to train him/mold him. While of course fucking him like a wild animal. So all the wires get crossed in poor Moxie's head and he gets addicted (.....adickted) to it.

And yes. They are very roughly grabbed and uncomfortably squeezed but they're not allowed to show any sort of discomfort, especially this soon in to the inspections! Mox and Marina have to make sure that everyone is healthy and at their best to wrestle. That's why he has to pull at their foreskin and fiddle with it over and over and why they have scheduled times for docking with Mox. This is just another part of their training, and if they deny it they get treated like they just shunned the whole group essentially.

Also Yuta and Danny definitely had their first times docking with Mox. Yuta heard about it and/or saw it happen for the first time in the BCC and was told once he proved himself enough to join them sexually (at least in any ways that could be pleasurable to him) he would start too. Danny didn't get any warning. Danny's.......a bit of a whore. But to me he never did anything "out there" like that with his hookups, so suddenly Mox is pinning him down and pulling at his foreskin and he's just ???????? And of course Yuta makes fun of him like he didn't cry his first time (and quite a few times after that)

especially when they are fat. especially when they are Black or Native or Asian or any racial/ethnic group that isn't white. especially when they are tall and broad and have a deep voice and a beard, and especially when they like themselves that way and still are hurt by misgendering. especially when they have gone on E and T blockers and have gotten facial feminization and vaginoplasty and have DD tits and like themselves that way and still are hurt by misgendering (even when people think they should be grateful for it, even when it feels like the lesser of two evils). especially when they transition in ways people see as "only halfway" and dress androgynous and use contradictory labels and call themselves femboys in the same breathe they do tgirls and they like themselves clockable as fuck and still are hurt by transphobia and exorsexism.

Gender is constructed, yes, but there are some things that are indeed mutually exclusive. From a class perspective, a trans woman cannot be a gay man. Man and woman are, at the same time, totally-constructed, mutually exclusive categories AND (!) material realities that exist. The class conditions of men and women are different, because women face structural misogyny, and men do not. People split the lines of these two classes all the time, but this doesn’t mean these two, specific, mutually exclusice classes don’t exist.

While the classes of woman and man as well as their class interests (the destruction or the continuation of misogyny, respectively) are real, the concepts themselves of man and woman don’t map neatly onto reality, and this absurd imposition of fiction onto reality creates massive suffering, as does the real class structure this fiction supports. Just as there’s no innate, permanent, immutable, and solid difference between a capitalist and a worker, there’s no such difference between men and women. This is the ground reality below the infrastructure, below the structure, and below the superstructures of society. Those structures also have no innate, permanent, immutable, or solid existence. But the experiences that people have from them are just as real as anything else. These structures and categories are constantly shaped and reshaped by the actions of society. People move between the gender classes all the time. Pointing out the absurd difference between how people are treated as classes by saying oxymoronic identities like “gay man who is a trans woman” can help reduce their power, trying to get rid of class labels altogether won’t undo the conflicts between classes. It just makes it harder to see what’s going on while those class conflicts happen out of sight if nobody can talk about it.

I am one of the women you were talking about in this post, the fat trans woman who has facial hair, and a trans woman who tried being a gay boy. I seriously identified as a girlfag for years. I stopped, though, when I saw that I lost access to my gay male life completely once I transitioned past a certain point. The moment that I was seen as a woman, trans or cis, by gay men, I was an outsider to them. Sometimes there are gay men who see me as a man. They are a little more warm to me, but only when they can fuck me. Which I don’t like doing bc they think i’m a dude and it feels terrible for me ewwwwww.

But can you see where I’m coming from? I’m just one girl, but I think that adopting the framework of real class interests/constructed gender could contribute to the liberation of women and therefore the complete freedom to move between categories. Also, I think this is important enough to write a response to a stranger because this very conversation could change how some trans women are treated. The treatment we got as “gay men who identify as women” was something we fought to change, and I don’t want to see that clock turned back.

I just fundamentally disagree on pretty much every level that how people should identify needs to be exclusively grounded in their material class position (as decided by The Council, I suppose, because clearly they have no say in the matter). Again, I see no real difference between what you have said here and the well-formed, earnest, rational arguments made by many transphobic feminists as to why they may sympathize with trans women but fundamentally disagree on a materialist basis that they should be allowed to call themselves women given the perceived danger of making it harder to discuss the class differences between females and males. Its the exact same line of thinking.

I am sorry you had those experiences while identifying that way. You are correct that you are one girl, and your experiences and feelings are one individual's experiences and feelings, and what you have said is not all that convincing to me. You seem to be engaging with the idea of "a trans woman who is a gay man" on a largely theoretical, ideological basis, which is, again, always bad for all trans people. Using your personal experiences and feelings as proof to back up your theorization does not make it more grounded in the material reality of many people, including people who identify as trans women and gay men and do not feel the way you feel and do not interpret their experiences with transphobia & othering in gay men's spaces the way you do.

Men do face structural misogyny. Trans men exist. And trans women who also identify as men exist. I myself am multigender and am both a man and a woman, although given what you've written here, I can only imagine you feel that identity is impossible or harmful in some way because it is not binary and "materialist" enough in your eyes. But frankly, there is no way to be anything other than hostile to nonbinary people given the very limited version of trans materialism you've described here. Clinging so hard to the gender binary & basing your materialist analysis, not on many people's material experiences but on theoreticals and your personal feelings and experience, is harmful to other trans people.

If you are curious, my pinned post has a lot of links regarding the kind of transfeminism I engage with, although much of that is focused on anti-transmasculinity. To quote Emi Koyama, author of the Transfeminist Manifesto:

Cis feminists do not own feminism. We don't need to "fit trans people into feminist theory"; we simply need to challenge cissexism in feminist movements and theories. Trans people do not need to be explained by feminist theory; we need to start from the fact that trans people exist and matter.

And now, when I find myself making the mistake of going on Instagram, I get to see trans men themselves talking about how historically, trans men didn't do anything for the community, and so we need to step up now. Which, first of all, that isn't true, but second of all, if trans men's contributions are lesser, that makes a lot of sense if we listen to that trans woman talking about the trans men she was in community with back in the day. It's very hard to advance the trans cause if you're not alive.

He asked: "Oh, was she the only son or something before *waves hand*?" and I was like, warily, no she has two brothers. And he responded with a great deal of confusion: "Then what's their problem?!?!"

When he found and married my mom, he was nearly 45 and they had so much trouble conceiving that he went to a Guanyin temple supposedly "magical" for praying for children. When I was born (not a son, also an only child until now), my mom said, "when you prayed at the temple did you ask for a son?" He said, "Aiya, everyone is asking for sons, so I said any gender is okay. If I asked for a son, maybe we wouldn't have gotten a child because Guanyin's son quota is already used up. Do you want that to happen?" My mom laughed for days about "son quota" and continues to tell people about it today, but her honest answer was: "Any child is okay."

Jokes on them. They didn't specify a gender, so Guanyin Ma gave them a non-binary child!

More seriously: my dad doesn't care about sons. When I told my parents that I wouldn't marry or have children, I thought he might be disappointed, but he wasn't. Then again, maybe I should have expected that, given he tried to become a monk at 18 🤪 I think he said the thing about sons to poke fun at people who care too much about sons because he frankly thinks it's all a bit ridiculous. In his eyes, a child is a child, so what's the point in caring about gender? If the child "changes" gender, does it make a difference?