if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time
taylor price
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#extradirty
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@bearbleps
if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time

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The tiger
He is in a tube
yes
YES
The tiger can roam
It’s so nice of this zoo to add environmental enrichment for their human inhabitants, replicating the feeling of a big cat possibly being above your head.
I've seen lots of zoo-mishap videos. I'm sure many of you have. Specifically regarding urine and feces...I'm sure you have figured out where I'm going with this: It's only a matter of time before one of the tigers earns the nickname Dave Matthews.
i have not seen this meme in so long im loving it
one of the reasons i love tumblr is that occasionally classic memes like this show up on my dashboard
It’s like reaching into the cupboard for food and accidentally finding a 19 year old can of soup that you’ve kept for sentimental reasons
Getting to that part like
En Anglais, on ne dit pas “quatre vingt dix neuf”, on dit “ninety nine” qu'on pourrait traduire comme “Hurr durr, regardez mois, j'ai un système de numérotation fonctionnel” et je crois que c'est magnifique.
Les notes: Les anglophones sur Internet qui repèrent des mots apparentés dans une langue romane : « Waouh, ça transcende la barrière de la langue. »
it's very funny to me that the advice in the notes divides cleanly into two camps:
Actually actionable advice (break it down into smaller pieces, leave and come back later, find somebody to do it with you so you aren't doing it alone)
People who are Jared, 19 and just say something that's fundamentally a variation on "just do it scared"
Warning: advice that "you have to leave your comfort zone to grow" is meant for people who are IN their comfort zone the majority of the time. If you rarely/never feel comfortable and safe, you actually need to get more comfortable and safe before you can grow 👍
you need to oscillate between your comfort zone and your discomfort zone, like going between a sauna and a icy lake

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I don't think it's unreasonable for our public officials to be expected to prove they're alive and not in a coma to be able to retain their office.
If someone were, as a random example, say hospitalized for over two weeks with no explanation, I think that should automatically trigger a special election to replace them.
If you're still able to do your job, then prove it. And if you're not, then you're actively obstructing democracy by not stepping down.
Which is to say, that if a public official were to pass away or into a coma, and their handlers choose to obfuscate that fact, this should be seen as intentionally obstructing democracy.
And there should be, you know, consequences for the people who would do such a thing.
RIP bozo status pending
avoiding bedtime like tomorrow is hunting me. why would I close my eyes and teleport to it. amateur hour
WRONG infinite night technique is infallible. it's 9am I'm so powerful and i have dragon blood now
d oes anyone know how to ge.t in contact with yesterday-me . it's urgent
You ARE yesterday-you, living in tomorrow-you's place. A place which is not hospitable to yesterday-you.
You go to take a burger off the grill, but instead of putting another one on, you flip the same one and grill it for twice as long, and then you're surprised it comes out burnt.
Apparently Tumblr deleted my post about how the Virginia state flag is the only one with a visible boob? Which I was trying to find so I could reblog it with the addition that a Texas school district banned it because of the boob?
A Texas district pulled a lesson on Virginia from some classes over a topless Roman goddess on the state flag. Yep, really.
Well here, I’m gonna post it anyway. Hopefully no sex perverts will turn into cartoon wolves and make alarm bell and steam whistle noises
Yeah, sure. Banned because of a boob. Totally NOT because of the anti-fascist phrase at the bottom - Sic Semper Tyrannis - a phrase which has been making a comeback in the common vernacular by way of anti-trump rally signs and chants. And the post got deleted because of a super realistic, sexual nip slip.
You thought this was a rabbit? They thought this was a rabbit. That's fucking funny bitch, this is fucking Winnie the fucking Pooh. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck 4th of July
ᵐᵐʸᵉᵃʰ yeah ᵐᵐʸᵉᵃʰ yeah

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'horseplay' and 'monkey business' being treated as synonyms means something. don't know what though
Monkeys are so silly that what they consider business, horses consider play.
Everyone go look up the song nasa banned from space
Don't forget to play it loud as fuck
please….listen to the whole thing. And imagine that you are IN SPACE in 1973 and you JUST woke up. Every time you adjust…it escalates somehow.
This song had to be designed in a lab for the sole purpose of fucking with astronauts. whoever added it to the NASA playlist was a genius.
It took them two tries to ban it?
Can we ban it from Earth, too?
The FBI cut the phone lines during the 1977 disability rights sit-in. Then they turned off the hot water.
They locked the doors from the outside. One hundred and fifty people were trapped on the fourth floor. Half of them used wheelchairs. The government assumed they would leave.
Kitty Cone was thirty-three. She had muscular dystrophy. Her muscles were failing, but her logistics were flawless. She knew how to organize people.
The federal government had promised to sign regulations protecting disabled Americans from discrimination. The policy was known as Section 504. They printed the promise on paper. Then they stalled. Without a signature, it was just typography.
The protesters entered the regional Health, Education, and Welfare building in San Francisco on a Tuesday morning. They took the elevators to the director's office. They brought sleeping bags and catheters. They informed the staff they were not leaving until the law was signed.
By sunset, the police surrounded the exits. Kitty sat near the windows. She organized the floor plan. She assigned committees for security and sanitation. She kept her medication in a small cooler.
According to federal memorandums released decades later, the strategy to end the occupation relied on medical attrition. The building was not equipped for long-term habitation. The FBI calculated that a population requiring ventilators, specialized diets, and daily medical aides would voluntarily evacuate if the environment became sufficiently hostile. They instituted a blockade.
The blockade went into effect immediately. No food deliveries allowed. No medical supplies permitted through the lobby. Guards stood at the main doors checking identification.
Kitty's muscles deteriorated faster under the physical strain. She couldn't walk. When the phone lines went dead, the fourth floor lost contact with the press. The government waited for the quiet.
Kitty dropped to the floor. She realized the barricades were designed for standing adults. The police had blocked the hallways at waist height. They hadn't blocked the linoleum.
The floors were covered in cigarette ash and spilled coffee. She dragged her body through it. She crawled under the barricades to reach the restricted elevator shafts and unguarded offices.
She carried notes in her pockets. She found a single working payphone the FBI missed. She called the local news desks. She called the mayor's office.
She crawled back. When her arms failed, someone pulled her by her ankles. The Black Panthers heard the news reports. They crossed the police lines with hot meals. The FBI could not stop them without a riot.
They shut off the elevators, so she crawled.
The occupation lasted twenty-five days. It remains the longest non-violent occupation of a federal building in American history. On April 28, the Secretary of HEW signed the regulations without a single alteration.
The protesters left the building the next morning. They went back to their apartments. The Rehabilitation Act regulations laid the groundwork for every accessibility law that followed. The HEW building still stands on United Nations Plaza. The elevators run on a schedule. The doors are heavy glass.
Kitty Cone: the woman who crawled under the barricades.
Source: Kitty Cone's oral history, Bancroft Library.
Verified via: National Museum of American History.
(Some details summarized for brevity.)
Do you think Clark Kent's first few major articles were about the continued presence of lead pipes in parts of Metropolis' water system
(Average Metropolis reader after investigative reporter C. Kent's 452nd article on yet another case of landlords/business owners/factories' continued use of lead pipes/paint/gas/glass knowingly exposing the public to dangerously toxic lead levels) what the fuck happened to this guy
One day Bruce Wayne mentions in an interview that heroes like Superman are overrated, as the most effective way to reduce crime is to provide public resources and improve local infrastructure, then cites how neighboring city Metropolis has effectively lowered their violent crime by 13% after addressing their outdated water system and investing low income housing. the reporter conducting the interview suddenly starts looking a little uncomfortable
To be clear, Clark is still a fantastic investigative reporter. He still has to track down the sources to prove all this shit
"Who, Clark Kent? Yeah, we're pretty sure he's a Meta. Is he a superhero? Like what, "Lead-detector guy"? "Captain pipes?" Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and it's a handy trick, but it's lead detection, not laser vision. He's not about to go running around in tights any time soon."
I just love the idea of a cape maintaining their secret identity by pretending to be a completely different and less impressive kind of parahuman.
everyone assumes that kent is so squirrely around superheros because he’s just desperately hoping not to be conscripted to the JLA to fix their plumbing
Local Metropolis Reporter Publically Recognized For Contributions To The City; Awarded Medal Of Distinction
They tried to get superman to present the medal but he was offended at being called "overrated" in comparison to Clark so he declined
Counter offer: Bruce Wayne disguised as Superman
beating this dead horse with memes
Hey this was a real fun little read. It's so great to find these treasures on this site
We’re happy to have you!
"I would never jeopardize the beans" pales in comparison to it's newest successor, "beans r not woke. How could u do this?"
Threw out his whole pot of chili, instead of adding the beans back in, and told everyone to go home. Because of woke.

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i learned that actor Danny Trejo has the most on-screen deaths of anyone in Hollywood history, with 65. Followed by Christopher Lee (60), Lance Henriksen (51), Vincent Price (41), Dennis Hopper (41), Boris Karloff (41), and John Hurt (39). (x)
Yet poor Sean Bean is stuck with the reputation for dying in every movie. Unfair.
Give him time, he still has many years of dying yet to come.
Also there’s the question of density vs quantity. If you make a hundred movies and die in 50, and someone else makes 30 movies and dies in 30, the first one has died more, but the second one has died more often per movie.
It’s the DPM ratio that really counts, IMO.
65/402 16% Danny Trejo 60/282 21% Christopher Lee 51/259 20% Lance Henriksen 41/211 19% Vincent Price 41/205 20% Dennis Hopper 41/204 20% Boris Karloff 39/209 19% John Hurt 33/117 28% Sean Bean
I’m so proud of the statistical side of tumblr for coming through on this.
in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed