frantically trying to find my holographic mitch mcconnell poca for when It Happens

i’m distraught. he’s not in my wallet, he’s not with the rest of the cards, he’s not in any of my various stashes of assorted precious mementos, he’s not with my social security card and birth certificate. i meant to keep him in a safe place but i played myself.

frantically trying to find my holographic mitch mcconnell poca for when It Happens

Calling all chicago mutuals use your ultimate powers to unite against the idealized jpeg of new orleans. go my warriors

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

podracer Sebulba notably absent from swift-kelce wedding attendees............

complimented a guys shirt at work and he was like ‘ohhh thanks! i just thrifted it’ and as soon as he left i turned to my coworker and said ‘you just know he ordered that online it looks brand spanking new’ and she was like ‘oh 100% you do NOT find a white t shirt that clean and crisp at the thrift store’

all men do is lie

I think if a gas pump plays an ad for you while you're fueling up it should be legal to shoot the pump with a gun, igniting the gas and blowing up the station, killing everyone instantly