yasha catch me! *clapclap*

these teenagers and their dog are trying ruin our money laundering business. no tony put the gun down were doing this the old fashioned way. were gonna dress up as monsters and scare them

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

jake and logan paul will die by each other's hand outside the city walls of westlake ohio like eteocles and polynices outside the walls of thebes

DJ keep the music volume the exact same

morrison ↓

ok look listen if i post some thing that applies only to people who live in my region or a similar region and somebody reblogs it and it goes far from me to people to whom it doesn’t apply that’s not my problem okey. if i start an informational post like ‘LISTEN UP EVERYBODY!!!’ and don’t disclaim who ‘everybody’ actually is that’s on me bc that can have hazardous side effects. but most of the time i’m just muttering to myself in my diary. i can’t like, share every last detail about my real life every single time i talk about weather or prices for fear of making a stranger upset i can’t live like that that’s how you get ocd

and i am genuinely sorry to everyone who has ever had to deal with an american idiot (*guitar riff joke*) but me personally i find it very easy to see a post about it being cold in july and go oh this person is posting from a place that is Not Here. easy! i’ll move on. have some grace instead of going MISINFORMATION!!!

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

as a human my ideal way to die would be something quick and painless in a national park at a very old age. as a bug my ideal way to die would be being accidentally crushed by a little girl playing outside and cried over and buried with a leaf headstone