if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

This is stupid! Were you born yesterday? (the mayfly’s big limpid eyes fill with tears as it looks at me) oh god I’m so sorry oh no oh god

“Why don’t you use ai” idk man beyond the obvious environmental and “this machine causes psychosis and encourages people to kill themselves” thing I think asking the equivalent of a solid D student who is also a pathological liar if they can answer my question/do the work for me seems pretty fucking stupid

this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

a summer drink will save you & a summer fruit will save you & a glass of water will kiss you silly

I once sent a woman a text message so interesting that she took three whole days to read it

doctors be like "we have no idea what causes this extremely mysterious illness" and the illness is something that affects 1 in 8 women

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

incredibly minor but still dumb side effect of late stage capitalism: ever notice how so many concert venues and stadiums just have the lamest names imaginable. Like ooooh Lady Gaga is playing at the..... Mortgage Stadium? Oh boy the finals are at the.... Chase Bank arena. Can't wait to catch a game at the Garunteed Rate field.

Don't forget the MoneyLaunderingScamDotCom Dome