Luke’s face is what makes this.

I love Doris and she is so cute but also she looks so much like Teddy Roosevelt sometimes that I can't help but laugh

[recommending something i sincerely love] ok so the thing about it is it kinda sucks

Simon and gar phone call

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

you betrayed everyhting you stand for and all you got in return was a kickass sword and ability to start fires with your mind and d cups. pretty good deal !

the pagan origins of the fourth of july

"even the top gets pregnant" cryptic new statetement from the World Health Organisation

a 65 year old human man is dating a young woman but she's a vampire so his friends are like "oh, so she's actually like, centuries older than you? that's alright. can't expect her to date within her own age group. can't be that many options." but it comes out she just got turned into a vampire like 8 months ago and all his friends start boo-ing him

I need Rocky to be soo weird by eridian standards by the time he meets Grace. buddy is not okay in the slightest. 46 years of solitary confinement with 22 corpses for company. Grace is a canon sad wet, sobby cat but i need Rocky to be a clingy, codependent (only colloquial meaning) and unstable mess at him.

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

We were incredibly boring. We played "murder ball" which was just Capture the Flag over the whole school grounds (outdoors only) and violence was permitted using the ball.

If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything