Dormouse Valor

once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out

computer. die young by kesha. loud enough to kill

(no beers in) what is every thought you’ve ever had about me ever

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

it’s honestly crazy that like. in theory literary icon jean valjean would do crazy numbers on tumblr, fanfics, etc. he’s a dad. he’s canonically hot and ripped. he has a tragic backstory and self esteem issues. he’s got nuclear levels of catholic guilt. he’s even unmarried so you can old man yaoify him to your heart’s content. man was built in the blorbo factory. but the book he’s in happens to have 20 college age twinks and the musical film based on the book came out in 2012, creating the perfect storm of oncelerfication that defines the fandom at large to this very day. anyway they could never make me shut the fuck up about you jean valjean

and are death and the maiden perhaps looking for a third

Its almost like 1 man does not a whole team make lololol

WHERE HAVE ALL THE DIVAS GONE AND WHERE ARE ALL THE BROADS

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.