just a soul whose intentions are good

queer, particularly trans representation hasn't come all that far in 20 years. maybe there's less blatant transphobia, but there sure as hell isn't any widespread positive representation. we have multiple generations of trans women and men who were only able to explore their identities during adolescence in online spaces. and kids today are being stripped of that.

and like. do we have to keep gently phrasing things to protect naturally-thin people's feelings. in my life it has never been fashionable to be fat. "fat" is still a bad word. there has never been institutional power pushing people to gain weight; no trillion-dollar industry to "fix" skinny people. a larger body type has never been over-represented in models, influencers, celebrities. sure, people might say "i'm worried for your health," but they do it with respect and gentleness, like they're talking to a scared deer.

every single fucking time i talk about this, i have to be so careful with what i say, in case i offend even one skinny person. it is just true that skinny people have social capital across many cultures. there is a reason you almost never hear someone say "i wish i was fat," but you will constantly see people say "I wish i was thin." and yet inevitably some skinny person will tell me: i thought you wanted body positivity. it is the same fucking attitude as when a cis man says "when you say men have power, well, i've been bullied for being a man. i thought you believe in mental health awareness. don't you know men have a higher suicide rate?"

two things can be true at once: your experience being bullied for being thin was terrible. and people with larger bodies probably have it worse.

i have been big and small. i know many other people who have been big and small. trust what i'm about to tell you: being small is much easier. the world is kinder to you. people treat you better. honestly, this pattern occurs pretty much regardless of gender - my guy friends have confided that they'd rather be bullied for being thin than be bullied for being fat. if you're skinny, the pressure might be to gain weight, sure, but it's often to do so in a way that keeps you skinny - to gain muscle, specifically.

thinness is seen as innate and natural, genetic. whereas carrying any fat - that is a moral failing. it is assumed to be related to your character, your personality. i have seen people equate it to discipline, to hygiene. that bias is why we need to talk about this.

Dandelions

Killing Patient Zero is a Canadian documentary film, directed by Laurie Lynd and released in 2019. The film is a portrait of Gaëtan Dugas, the Canadian man who was one of the earliest diagnosed HIV/AIDS patients in North America, but became incorrectly demonized as "patient zero" for the epidemic after his role in the early story of the disease was used to illustrate contact tracing in Randy Shilts's 1987 book And the Band Played On. (Available in Prime Video)

Whether or not you have ever heard of the concept of the AIDS patient zero, you need to watch this film. Gaeton Dugas was demonized for his promiscuity and portrayed after his death as having intentionally spread AIDS all over North America. The truth is that he helped the scientific community by providing a book with his sexual contacts and donated lots of blood. He died in ‘84 and then was mistakenly identified as “patient zero” from a contact tracing that listed him as Patient O, as in “Out of California” but it was misinterpreted as the number not the letter. Then sensationalized in a book that wanted to sell copies.

The truth is, Gaeton was just another victim of the epidemic. The contact tracing was wrong because it assumed the disease became visible within 2 years of sexual contact. It actually takes 10. The disease was already silently spreading before Gaeton entered the scene. It’s proven in his blood, the evolutionary placement of his strain is somewhere in the middle of the aids family tree, not the beginning. The sexual link between aids was not proven before his death so he did not stop having sex even when he knew he had it. But there was also this assumption that everyone had it so what the fuck? It’s easy to demonize decisions made before all the facts are known.