Attract weirdos, manage chaos.

[clearly experiencing symptoms of mania] oh i get it! im finally normal!

i miss being normal :(

[coming off of an 80 hour workweek] normal again

My biggest pet peeve in books is American authors that assume everyone knows as much about America as they do. Oh, the main character drove from Atlanta to St. Louis overnight? Okay. Is that fast, is that slow? Where are those places? "He eats Domino's every day". Is that good, is that bad? Does this imply they are poor or wealthy???This means nothing to me, please give me just a crumb of context!!

Normalize American novels having maps of the country in the front and a glossary of American words in the back like those epic fantasy books have!

I got tagged in this and I should note: Of all the chicken breeds I've met, these are the gentlest and friendliest. Also very somft. All three I've gotten to handle have wanted to cuddle, and they're very warm, like cats.

u ever have on mutuals whos so deep in another fandom that u know absolutely zero about and they make posts that look like they speaking another language or some shit

i really appreciate the number of mutuals who are not in any of my fandoms sharing this post. its like a little hello nod as we pass each other in the hall

WTF this is masterful, 10/10.

Other people have said this in notes, but the Bulwer-Lytton contest involves writing the most absurd opener you can think of and submitting it to the contest. It's not a judgment like the Razzies or the bad sex in books award or something; it's a game. Diana Murtaugh of Baltimore is to be congratulated for this win.

i missed this post

worrkkkkk Cashier person WORKKKKKK

love putting a little. period in the middle of my sentences to create a little pause

sorry i missed the gala of suitors i was outside picking on the weird girl in the garden tending to weird looking plants. yeah she had a little shack with a cauldron back there it was gross. anyways she gave me something to drink and now im madly in love with her so we need to start planning a wedding or whatever

Sorry I missed the crones' union meeting. The fuckingg princess showed up??? She wouldn't leave until I gave her a dr pepper. She got this really weird look in her eyes drinking it. I guess shes only used to beverages with 22 or fewer flavors

oooohh the love potion worked i cant believe you gave me a love potion im so in love its so effective lets make out

Had a solid continuous 28 minutes of energy and motivation to do something, but I couldn't choose what to pick up that I could work on, so I spent the whole 28 minutes trying to decide, and then it wore off. Back to eepy.

sex position: you, sitting on your throne. me, standing behind you, resting my arm on the back of your throne and sniling so sneetly at your ministers like i have any right to be there

Jabberwocks are starting to really intrude on the territory of the Snallygaster and crowd them out. Please report when you see them and help preserve our American monsters!

Biologists prefer the term “fearsome critters”, just FYI. They resemble monsters but only due to convergent evolution.

the lesbian computer from portal was right. given the circumstances ive been shockingly nice

“Whenever this appears on your dash, we at Aperture request that you like AND reblog to preserve the insane like/reblog parity. For science.”