I couldn't give a shit about death

why does every single one of your faves has to have a monster cock. some of them are packing peanuts and that's okay, just goes to show you a lot of you equate big penises with a better sexual performance. alas, we move on

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

if you ever wanna see how many people on tumblr have a wizard url all you have to do is make a post about wizards. they'll come

they'll also reblog the post

computa make my mutuals have a great day

“at least i have a man” is always the weakest flex bc 80% of the time their man sucks and no one else wants him anyway

“at least i have a man” and i give you my condolences but what does that have to do with anything ever

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

I love emoji reactions so much. Don't know what to say but don't want to ignore whoever texted you? Boom. Lizard reaction 🦎

The scene in Shrek 2 when the Fairy Godmother sings I need a Hero when the giant gingerbread man attacks the castle is still the greatest scene in cinema of all times

why the FUCK is there a big spider on my bedroom wall it doesn't look like any spider i've ever seen in my entire life what the fuck

are you sure it's a spider?

oh that's a wolf spider. they taste like celery and pork and they aren't poisonous.

why is it in my room

and why do you know what it tastes like

@sicklythiasus why do you know what a wolf spider tastes like

nom nom.

what

yummy yummy in my tummy tummy

when and why did you eat a wolf spider

why was your solution to eat them

i mean, no one else was gonna.