I couldn't give a shit about death

computa make my mutuals have a great day

“at least i have a man” is always the weakest flex bc 80% of the time their man sucks and no one else wants him anyway

“at least i have a man” and i give you my condolences but what does that have to do with anything ever

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

I love emoji reactions so much. Don't know what to say but don't want to ignore whoever texted you? Boom. Lizard reaction 🦎

The scene in Shrek 2 when the Fairy Godmother sings I need a Hero when the giant gingerbread man attacks the castle is still the greatest scene in cinema of all times

why the FUCK is there a big spider on my bedroom wall it doesn't look like any spider i've ever seen in my entire life what the fuck

are you sure it's a spider?

oh that's a wolf spider. they taste like celery and pork and they aren't poisonous.

why is it in my room

and why do you know what it tastes like

@sicklythiasus why do you know what a wolf spider tastes like

nom nom.

what

yummy yummy in my tummy tummy

when and why did you eat a wolf spider

why was your solution to eat them

i mean, no one else was gonna.

oh, of course. because he died for our sins.