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Replacing any Shonen Protagonist with Legend of Zelda’s Protagonist Horrible Klepto Gremlin and Professional Fightboy,  Link.

Doesn’t matter which link beyond “what’s funniest in this particular scenario”.  Maybe a specific Link, maybe an amalgamation of all Links into a superpowered multidimensional agent of Chaos.  A HyperLink, if you will.

Then plop that bad boy down into the start of any Shonen anime and watch it go completely off the rails.

Juevenile Delinquent With A Heart Of Gold Link (really, could you imagine Link in a middle school setting?  not for more than five minutes before he jumps out of the Designated Protagonist Window at the back of the classroom)  dives in front of a car to save a small child’s life.  Botan, the grim reaper in the form of a blue-haired anime hot chick, comes to explain his peculiar situation, only for him to get up halfway through the speech about Karma becuase he still, somehow, has half a heart left, baffling everyone.

Local Weirdo Link hangs out in a graveyard every night graverobbing Communing With The Spirits, until Some Nerd keeps getting him into weird situations and eventually he ends up on a plane to America to participate in some kind of tournament for godhood. They get all the way to the third round before anyone realized Link doesn’t have a spirit companion, he’s his own Kickass Sword Dude.

Famously Young Orphan Link attempts an arcane ritual to bring his mother back, only to be confronted with a Manifestation of all Knowledge In The Universe, who then attempts to take his limbs and a sibling. Link, who has kicked several gods and the actual spacetime continum in the dick before, does not stand for this Malarkey

Chronically Ill superhero Toshionori Yagi is looking for someone to take up the quirk One For All and is impressed by the courage of a young maniac attempting to protect the people of the town from a monstrous villain whilst armed with a pointed stick, and takes him on as his apprentice.  Link, surprised to be starting with the Triforce of Power this time, is agreeable to this, and attends superhero high school in hopes of locating the triforces of Courage and Wisdom.

Related question: Is Link Literate?  I know him through fragmentary playthroughs of Breath of The Wild, the one with the bird, and the one with the boat and I honestly don’t know if he can read.

Professional Monster Ass-Kicker and Sword Collector Link arrives in The Seritei and promptly goes after the Tall Dude With The Elaborate Hair That Monolouges About Power on the assumption he’s found Ganondorf again, and gives Zaraki Kenpachi the fight of his life.

The residents of the Village hidden in the lead poisoning Leaves avoid the blond boy with the rap sheet of misdemeanors a mile long and constant nonsensical yelling, assuming his strange ways are due to the fox spirit the previous Mayor of Murdertown stuffed into his intestines as a baby. Several Hundred Episodes, a completely destroyed chunin exam and a lot of screaming later, Kyubei comments  “No, he’s Just Like That.”

Seto Kaiba, Professional Rich Bitch: “IT’S TIME TO DUEL!!” Seto Kaiba, about to learn what Consquences are “…What are you doing with that sword?”

2.  You, my good personage, are a GENIUS, becuase somehow Link “Adeventure Is My Middle Name”  McStabbington somehow screw up every shonen anime but stays weirdly on-track for shoujo.  For instance:

A Cat hands some Magical Bling that gives the wearer a kickass outfit to Link in exchange for him dealing with some monsters and making some similarly exctingly dressed friends. Link can’t actually pronounce “Moon Prism Power Make Up!” but “HYAAAHGH!!” seems to get the Job done. This is honestly a pretty typical Teusday for Link.

Local Homeless Weirdo Link is chilling out in the woods when a mudslide happens to his stuff, and local highschoolers take pity on him and invite him into thier mansion, only for him to discover thier terrible curse- if they’re hugged  by someone of the ‘opposite’ gender, they’re transfomed into an animal from the chinese Zodiac.  Shenanigans Ensue when Link, the universe’s Most Androgynous Twink Who Only Knows Gender By Reputation, completely screws up that Dynamic as whether or not the individual changes comes down to what Gender they percive Link as.  Fortunately for them Link is like.  So Good at breaking Curses.

Chronic Ancient Library Looter Link opens up a cool-looking book becuase apparently he can read, and like, a zillion cards and a very irritable stuffed animal fly out of it.  The Loud Toy demands he find all the cards again, and fortunately for Keroberos, Link is The Best as insane Fetch Quests.

Someone sends Horrible Goblin Child Link off to a prestigious Boarding School in an attempt to domesticate him, but True Cross Academy has a secret: The Night Class is Vampires that are attending school for some godforsaken reason! Masochism, probably.  Can The Human and Vampire Classes ever really live together? The answer is a resounding YES after both band together in terror against the explosives-happy, sword-carrying, urn-smashing, shrieking weirdo that just enrolled. 

Replacing any Shonen Protagonist with Legend of Zelda’s Protagonist Horrible Klepto Gremlin and Professional Fightboy,  Link.

Doesn’t matter which link beyond “what’s funniest in this particular scenario”.  Maybe a specific Link, maybe an amalgamation of all Links into a superpowered multidimensional agent of Chaos.  A HyperLink, if you will.

Then plop that bad boy down into the start of any Shonen anime and watch it go completely off the rails.

Juevenile Delinquent With A Heart Of Gold Link (really, could you imagine Link in a middle school setting?  not for more than five minutes before he jumps out of the Designated Protagonist Window at the back of the classroom)  dives in front of a car to save a small child’s life.  Botan, the grim reaper in the form of a blue-haired anime hot chick, comes to explain his peculiar situation, only for him to get up halfway through the speech about Karma becuase he still, somehow, has half a heart left, baffling everyone.

Local Weirdo Link hangs out in a graveyard every night graverobbing Communing With The Spirits, until Some Nerd keeps getting him into weird situations and eventually he ends up on a plane to America to participate in some kind of tournament for godhood. They get all the way to the third round before anyone realized Link doesn’t have a spirit companion, he’s his own Kickass Sword Dude.

Famously Young Orphan Link attempts an arcane ritual to bring his mother back, only to be confronted with a Manifestation of all Knowledge In The Universe, who then attempts to take his limbs and a sibling. Link, who has kicked several gods and the actual spacetime continum in the dick before, does not stand for this Malarkey

Chronically Ill superhero Toshionori Yagi is looking for someone to take up the quirk One For All and is impressed by the courage of a young maniac attempting to protect the people of the town from a monstrous villain whilst armed with a pointed stick, and takes him on as his apprentice.  Link, surprised to be starting with the Triforce of Power this time, is agreeable to this, and attends superhero high school in hopes of locating the triforces of Courage and Wisdom.

Related question: Is Link Literate?  I know him through fragmentary playthroughs of Breath of The Wild, the one with the bird, and the one with the boat and I honestly don’t know if he can read.

Professional Monster Ass-Kicker and Sword Collector Link arrives in The Seritei and promptly goes after the Tall Dude With The Elaborate Hair That Monolouges About Power on the assumption he’s found Ganondorf again, and gives Zaraki Kenpachi the fight of his life.

The residents of the Village hidden in the lead poisoning Leaves avoid the blond boy with the rap sheet of misdemeanors a mile long and constant nonsensical yelling, assuming his strange ways are due to the fox spirit the previous Mayor of Murdertown stuffed into his intestines as a baby. Several Hundred Episodes, a completely destroyed chunin exam and a lot of screaming later, Kyubei comments  “No, he’s Just Like That.”

Seto Kaiba, Professional Rich Bitch: “IT’S TIME TO DUEL!!” Seto Kaiba, about to learn what Consquences are “…What are you doing with that sword?”

2.  You, my good personage, are a GENIUS, becuase somehow Link “Adeventure Is My Middle Name”  McStabbington somehow screw up every shonen anime but stays weirdly on-track for shoujo.  For instance:

A Cat hands some Magical Bling that gives the wearer a kickass outfit to Link in exchange for him dealing with some monsters and making some similarly exctingly dressed friends. Link can’t actually pronounce “Moon Prism Power Make Up!” but “HYAAAHGH!!” seems to get the Job done. This is honestly a pretty typical Teusday for Link.

Local Homeless Weirdo Link is chilling out in the woods when a mudslide happens to his stuff, and local highschoolers take pity on him and invite him into thier mansion, only for him to discover thier terrible curse- if they’re hugged  by someone of the ‘opposite’ gender, they’re transfomed into an animal from the chinese Zodiac.  Shenanigans Ensue when Link, the universe’s Most Androgynous Twink Who Only Knows Gender By Reputation, completely screws up that Dynamic as whether or not the individual changes comes down to what Gender they percive Link as.  Fortunately for them Link is like.  So Good at breaking Curses.

Chronic Ancient Library Looter Link opens up a cool-looking book becuase apparently he can read, and like, a zillion cards and a very irritable stuffed animal fly out of it.  The Loud Toy demands he find all the cards again, and fortunately for Keroberos, Link is The Best as insane Fetch Quests.

Someone sends Horrible Goblin Child Link off to a prestigious Boarding School in an attempt to domesticate him, but True Cross Academy has a secret: The Night Class is Vampires that are attending school for some godforsaken reason! Masochism, probably.  Can The Human and Vampire Classes ever really live together? The answer is a resounding YES after both band together in terror against the explosives-happy, sword-carrying, urn-smashing, shrieking weirdo that just enrolled. 

So there’s this remote village in the northern valley of a mountain. It’s run by a violent priest who hates women. Devon is accused of being a witch (really, she just hasn’t given her husband a child and he wants to move on) and they march her up the mountain and tie her to a stone to be judged by god. But god doesn’t come for her. The Bear does. (He’s the village warrior who snapped and killed the other warriors and now stalks the mountainside in his bone mask.) (Or did he??) (He did.)

When I was younger I was very right-wing. I mean…very right-wing. I won’t go into detail, because I’m very deeply ashamed of it, but whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably at least that bad. I’ve taken out a lot of pain on others; I’ve acted in ignorance and waved hate like a flag; I’ve said and did things that hurt a lot of people.

There are artefacts of my past selves online – some of which I’ve locked down and keep around to remind me of my past sins, some of which I’ve scrubbed out, some of which are out of my grasp. If I were ever to become famous, people could find shit on me that would turn your stomach.

But that’s not me anymore. I’ve learned so much in the last ten years. I’ve become more open to seeing things through others’ eyes, and reforged my anger to turn on those who harm others rather than on those who simply want to exist. I’ve learned patience and compassion. I’ve learned how to recognise my privileges and listen to others’ perspectives. I’ve learned to stand up for others, how to hear, how to help, how to correct myself. And I learned some startling shit about myself along the way – with all due irony, some of the things I used to lash out at others for are intrinsic parts of myself.

You wouldn’t know what I am now from what I was then. You wouldn’t know what I was then from what I am now.

It distresses me deeply to think of someone dredging up my dark, awful past and treating me as though that furiously hateful person is still me. It distresses me to see others dredging up the past for anyone who has made efforts to become a better person, out of some sick obsession with proving they’re “problematic.”

The obsession with finding shit in someone’s past and then claiming that a questionable or even sordid past negates all possibility of a good present needs to become extinct. Gold-star activism and purity culture are bullshit and we need to collectively reject the fuck out of them.

We really need to start asking where this purity bullshit came from. I’m not  Christian and was not raised Christian but there has been a lot evidence that much of gold star activism and purity culture originated in of evangelical youth movements and then infiltrated progressive left-wing and center-left politics when those youth left their churches but failed to leave behind the black-n-white puritanical “you’re going to hell if you stray one inch from the righteous path” style of thinking they were taught.

I distinctly remember some conversations I had in the late 00s and very early 2010s with long time social justice activists who were baffled and disturbed by the new crop of youth activists who were practicing something that was decidedly NOT social justice despite stealing that phrase from us.

In the decade and a half that has passed since then, all of this gold-star activism and purity culture has done exactly what I predicted back then: empowered the far-right while sowing division everywhere.

ICE now tackling press.

they knock him down from behind, they're kneeling on him, and they've set off tear gas. his arms are pinned under him and he can't breathe. look at this photo of his face.

I'm gagging and literally thought I’m going to pass out. I couldn’t breathe. I was thinking I only have a couple of breaths left and I don’t know what’s going to happen after that. I had taken that last shot and I threw my camera. I lifted my head up and saw one photographer taking photos. I threw my camera and then I threw my phone.

this last picture is his camera on top of his citation.

but the insane thing? yk how he said

I had taken that last shot and I threw my camera.

THIS IS THE LAST SHOT

THIS is the photo he took before he threw his camera. how poignant.

Closest match: Zygaena sarpedon genome assembly, chromosome: 7 Common name: Royal Burnet

"I'm pretty sure that fella ain't here legally."

"Well, that ain't your business Chip, it's his."

They hate being preached to. If you pull out words like 'gender wage gap' they'll tell you you're brainwashed by the far left media.

"He's one of them transgenders."

Shut down the conversation without reacting.

"His dick, not mine" will get you much further to shutting that guy down than "well it's really inappropriate to call someone a slur while I'm the job site".