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Nina would have been the worst bc not only do you have a recovering Grisha who has insane power bothering you for waffles everyday, but now her drüskelle boyfriend is going to ride on in with an army of wolves to fight you and bicker with her on the side. It’s a serious ass fight scene and you just have them arguing like “we have to go” “but I haven't finished my food yet” “we have food at the slat” “not like this, darling” “NINA WE ARE TRYING TO ESCAPE”

Jesper would have SUCH beef with Van Eck after hearing the speech he gave about Wylan that this kidnapping would be so much worse for him than Jesper. He would do everything in his power to make his life hell. Like. My God. Just endless “And today’s reason why Wylan is better than you is-” nonstop. Van Eck would go to torture him and Jesper doesn’t even care because he’s trying to roast this man and his receding hairline. Then, to top it off, Wylan would blow his ass up. Happy Father’s day ig.

If he had (for whatever reason) just taken Kaz, that would also be funny bc Kaz would have zero confidence in getting rescued. Like “oh, they’re capable, of course, but not without me there to tell them what to do. Might as well kill me now.”

Jesper: no

Inej: what do you mean no?

Jesper: I’m not signing the divorce papers

Inej: why?!?

Jesper: because I didn’t know you guys were even together officially! And now i find out you’re getting married only because I need to divorce the groom?

Inej: fine. You can come with us to the wedding, but we’re in a hurry-

Jesper: I also want ten thousand kruge

Kaz: I told you it would be easier just to kill him

Jesper: what’s yours is mine, love. Inej, do you see how he talks to his own husband? This is what you might be signing up for.

Kaz: at what point was I even talking to you?

Me: I really gotta tell somebody this

Brain: you can't tell your parents cause they'll never let you out. You can't tell your friends cause you don't have any

Me: yeah that's true

Brain: what about strangers on Tumblr!?