.⋆｡☆˚⋆.

do you fuck with my unwritten story

do you fuck with the weird guy i made

every time it rains i have the urge to say “well our plan to stand alone in a field with a metal rod is out” which no one ever recognizes is from phineas and ferb but usually kills anyway

We often eat pie at work...for morale.

"As a treat" implies a special occasion, a temporary state. "For morale" makes the joy essential, because you have to have good morale to keep going.

im in the pussy like turmeric in tupperware

Played MTG with a buncha dudes i dont know.

Tfw months pass and I was completely unaware a guy had been trying to casually chat me up this whole time before he finally decided to ask me out point blank lmaoooo

Wow that really puts into context the one time i showed up to play MTG and only the dudes who play Yugioh were there so I left and within minutes the yugi boys ratted me out and i got a text from the guy basically saying "youre coming to MTG today 😄?" And i was like "Nah" and left it at that lmaooo he thought i hated his guuutssssss

Played MTG with a buncha dudes i dont know.

Tfw months pass and I was completely unaware a guy had been trying to casually chat me up this whole time before he finally decided to ask me out point blank lmaoooo

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry

youre making mommy want to smoke

my ability to be both a sweetie pie and a sick pervert will lead me to great things

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think

it’s so hard for me to not doxx myself every single day btw. my oversharer’s spirit is being stifled by internet safety