contain multitudes

the thing that gets me about Mother's Boy every time is that you have Eddie who has struggled for seasons with people assuming the worst possible outcome about who he is. just in season 9 he had the lawyer touting that he's some violent, angry man and Abigail's father thinks he's taking advantage of her (fuck him, by the way), and the sheriff thinks he killed Buck. And then you have him trying to find out about Buck. He apologizes for taking Hector's clothes, he pays money for that shitty car. Until he's faced with what he thinks is a situation where Buck is in danger or already dead and then he's ready to embrace that false reputation he's been trying to disprove. He's ready to shoot, kill, fight to save him.

i was tagged by @bucksbabybelly and @tweetsongs <3

spent the last week either in a heatwave haze or at my friends' wedding so i have had quite literally either zero time or zero motivation to write.

HOWEVER i am 14k deep in what was supposed to be a dumb pwp so. have a non-smut snippet that was written a while back (not that there are many non-smut scenes in this lmao)

He’s always thought Buck was a handsome guy, you’d have to be lying to disagree, but the incident had cracked the lid that Eddie had kept sealed shut, and evidently there were a lot of inappropriate thoughts trapped in there. Thoughts one would rather not have while standing in the station showers not five feet from their object. Buck deserves better than to be the target of this kind of desire, especially when the whole reason he came to him in the first place was because he felt he was being used by a horny, inconsiderate couple. While Eddie wasn’t trying to be thoughtless, he didn’t act much better than them that night. He wanted Buck to use him, wanted the freedom of being at his mercy without shouldering the risk of asking. He didn’t give Buck the agency to opt out, which Buck surely would have. Maybe if Eddie had gone about it a different way – there’s a world where Eddie understood his heart a little sooner, and he might have had the guts to tell Buck about his dumb purchase, and Buck might have laughed. Might have offered to help. It keeps him up at night, the dozens of ways he could have done different. Instead, Eddie chose of the path of deceit, and that alone would be enough to drive an immovable wedge between them. It wouldn’t shatter their trust entirely if Buck found out, but the perspective of normal wouldn’t exist anymore. So he resigns himself to hold this secret, stuck in this tormenting cycle of longing that occupies most of his mind, shame that he can’t rein it in, and remorse that he’s ruined it before it’s even started.

np tagging @exhausteddiaz @sunflowerbuckleys @damnit-buck @eddiesstabwound @gloomydiaz @hawkslonggoodbye <3

Tagged by @damnit-buck mwah I started working on something new last week so have some car crash buck.

The slam of the door echos as Buck storms out of Bobby's house. He doesn't look back. Just gets in the Jeep and throws it into gear.

How could he? How could he? Racing through his head. He doesn't know where he's going. It doesn't matter. Anywhere but here.

Bobby was supposed to be someone he could trust. Sometime between being fired and recovering from having his leg crushed, it got harder to ignore that Bobby is more than his captain. All the days he showed up at the loft with another meal. All the PT appointments he drove Buck to. All the times he let Buck shout at him and took his pain like it was easy. 

Did it all mean nothing? Bobby could sideline Buck like he meant nothing?

Buck rolls to a stop at a red light. It's a quiet night. He lowers the windows, wanting to feel the wind. Thoughts of pushing the gas and seeing how fast he can go tempt him. He could drive anyway. Pick a direction and go. Why stay? Bobby certainly doesn't want him.

The traffic light changes.

He still has that lawyer's card somewhere. The lawyer could get Bobby to see reason. Prove that this is unfair. Get him back where he belongs.

Buck presses the gas. He doesn’t check the cross roads.

He blows past the speed limit and keeps going. The wind hits his face. It’s not enough to calm his heart. The tension in his jaw doesn’t lessen. The rage doesn’t dampen.

He doesn’t see the stop sign. He doesn’t see the truck speeding through the intersection. He doesn’t have any time to panic or prepare. The impact is sudden and fierce, right into the driver's side.

Losing consciousness would be too kind. He feels it all. The slam of the airbag hitting his chest. The twist of the metal frame wrapping around his leg. The crack of his radius and ulna. The spray of glass raining down on him. Everything spinning. 

Blood drips down his temple. Oozes from other cuts. It's a lot of blood.

Blood thinners Buck thinks. That’s bad, right? Whatever is wrong, that must make it worse.