The Aether System

“There is no logical or natural limit to how fragmented a dissociative patient can become. The more helpful question is What is the integrative capacity of the patient? The lower the capacity for the challenges the patient faced as a child and still faces in the present, the more dissociation will occur as an ongoing coping strategy.”  – Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation

Splitting dissociated parts is a very complicated, confusing topic–it can be difficult to determine when, why, and how it happens. As such, it’s perfectly okay to be unsure of whether a new part has split or not. Some things to know:

Splitting is a coping mechanism in response to stress

Not all stress causes splits

The same stress that causes a split in one person might not cause a split in someone else

The same stress that didn’t cause a split in the past may cause a split later; it all depends on the current coping ability of active parts

Some splits happen quickly; some can take much longer

Keep in mind this infographic pertains to people who already have DID/OSDD (you can learn what causes DID/OSDD [here.])

When I joined the DID community I thought that people would judge me because my system's not "diverse enough" or call us fake cause we're all somewhat alike. And I'm not talking about just "alters of color" and that whole discourse. I'm talking about how most of us have brown or blonde hair and brown eyes with nerdy looking glasses. I'm talking about most of us vaguely have the same fashion sense and hair style and pattern of speech. I'm talking about how most of us listen to the same music, like the same characters, have the same favorite colors.

I thought we weren't different enough.

The first time I showed someone a picture of all of us they made a comment of lots of brown eyes, blonde hair and glasses. It made me feel weird then. Because I was already self conscious that we were faking because I we were so similar.

But I realized something. The body has dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, and nerdy black thick framed glasses.

It makes sense that most of us take form of that with slight variations. Because all together we make up this boy, I'm going to call him Arrow for convenience sake. Together we make up Arrow.

The differences that we do have in appearance all come from different aspects of our life (this is of course excluding introjects who got their appearance from source). We all need glasses to see so why wouldn't we have glasses in the innerworld? Those of us with red hair split off more recently because the host died his hair red (with the exception of one alter who has red hair because the host used to be fascinated by red hair). We have blue haired alters because once Arrow died his hair blue. Our alters appearances are a relfection of our reality.

We don't need to be diverse. We are one boy. Together we are Arrow. We don't need alters who are diverse. We need alters that reflect our reality, because they are the ones who are best equip for it. After all that's what alters are. Alters are a reflection of your reality that work together to cope with stress and trauma.

Your system doesn't have to be diverse. Your system just has to be you.

PS. I'm not saying that having alters that look very different from the body isn't valid. What your system had to split is what your system had to split to survive. It's different for every system. This is about our system and why our system is the way it is.

A real and valid part of having DID/OSDD.

Dissociated parts, just like the rest of their system.

Created by trauma, stress, overwhelming experiences, or the system’s inability to integrate new materials into existing alters/parts.

Centered around a “substitute belief” and can be based on characters and media that you have no strong attachment to or may not even like.

Worthy of the same care and support everyone in the system deserves.

Capable of growth beyond their source material. 

Things Fictional Introjects are not: 

The same thing as “kins” or “kinning” with something. 

Created just by liking, identifying with, being strongly attached to, or being attracted to a character. 

A completely different “type” of alter that should be treated differently than the rest of the system. 

An exact copy of their source. 

Incapable of growing beyond their source. 

I'm looking in the mirror a lot right now, figuratively and literally :|

Who do I believe I am? Who do I WANT to believe I am? And what behaviors would make me believe it?

Alternatives for when you’re feeling angry or restless:

Scribble on photos of people in magazines

Viciously stab an orange

Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall

Have a pillow fight with the wall

Scream very loudly

Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines

Go to the gym, dance, exercise

Listen to music and sing along loudly

Draw a picture of what is making you angry

Beat up a stuffed bear

Pop bubble wrap

Pop balloons

Splatter paint

Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black

Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches

Throw darts at a dartboard

Go for a run

Write your feelings on paper then rip it up

Use stress relievers

Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it

Throw ice cubes at the bathtub wall, at a tree, etc

Get out a fine tooth comb and vigorously brush the fur of a stuffed animal (but use gentle vigor)

Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock

Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at; cut and tear it instead of yourself

Flatten aluminium cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go

On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture

Break sticks

Cut up fruits

Make yourself as comfortable as possible

Stomp around in heavy shoes

Play handball or tennis

Yell at what you are breaking and tell it why you are angry, hurt, upset, etc.

Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this)

The Calm Jar (Fill a mason jar or similar with colored water and glitter. When feeling upset or angry you can shake it to disturb the glitter and focus on that until the glitter settles.)

Blow up a balloon and pop it

Alternatives that will give you a sensation (other than pain) without harming yourself:

Hold ice in your hands, against your arm, or in your mouth

Run your hands under freezing cold water

Snap a rubber band or hair band against your wrist

Clap your hands until it stings

Wax your legs

Drink freezing cold water

Splash your face with cold water

Put PVA/Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off

Massage where you want to hurt yourself

Take a hot shower/bath

Jump up and down to get some sensation in your feet

Write or paint on yourself

Arm wrestle with a member of your family

Take a cold bath

Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root

Rub liniment under your nose

Put tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.)

Alternatives that will distract you or take up time:

Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades

Color your hair

Count up to ten getting louder until you are screaming

Sing on the karaoke machine

Complete something you’ve been putting off

Take up a new hobby

Make a cup of tea

Tell and laugh at jokes

Play solitaire

Count up to 500 or 1000

Surf the net

Make as many words out of your full name as possible

Count ceiling tiles or lights

Search ridiculous things on the web

Colour coordinate your wardrobe

Play with toys, such as a slinky

Go to the park and play on the swings

Call up an old friend

Go “people watching”

Carry safe, rather than sharp, things in your pockets

Do school work

Play a musical instrument

Watch TV or a movie

Paint your nails

Alphabetize your CDs or books

Cook

Make origami to occupy your hands

Doodle on sheets of paper

Dress up or try on old clothes

Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop

Write out lyrics to your favorite song

Play a sport

Read a book/magazine

Do a crossword

Draw a comic strip

Make a chain link out of paper counting the hours or days you’ve been self harm free using pretty colored paper

Knit, sew, or make a necklace

Make ‘scoobies’ - braid pieces of plastic or lace, to keep your hands busy

Buy a plant and take care of it

Hunt for things on eBay or Amazon

Browse the forums

Go shopping

Memorize a poem with meaning

Learn to swear in another language

Look up words in a dictionary

Play hide-and-seek with your siblings

Go outside and watch the clouds roll by

Plan a party

Find out if any concerts will be in your area

Make your own dance routine

Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself

Plan regular activities for your most difficult time of day

Finish homework before it’s due

Take a break from mental processing

Notice black and white thinking

Get out on your own, get away from the stress

Go on YouTube

Make a scrapbook

Colour in a picture or colouring book.

Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Allow yourself to use it.

Pay attention to your breathing (breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth)

Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.)

Learn HALT signals (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it

Pick a subject and research it on the web - alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can.

Take a small step towards a goal you have.

Re-organize your room

Name all of your soft toys

Play the A-Z game (Pick a category ie. Animals, and think of an animal for every letter of the alphabet

Have a lush warm bubble bath with candles!

Do some knitting

Do some house hold chores

Alternatives that are completely bizarre. At the least, you’ll have a laugh:

Crawl on all fours and bark like a dog or another animal

Run around outside screaming

Laugh for no reason whatsoever

Make funny faces in a mirror

Without turning orange, self tan

Pluck your eyebrows

Put faces on apples, oranges, or other sorts of food

Go to the zoo and name all of the animals

Color on the walls

Blow bubbles

Pull weeds in the garden

Alternatives for when you’re feeling guilty, sad, or lonely:

Congratulate yourself on each minute you go without self harming

Draw or paint

Look at the sky

Instead of punishing yourself by self harming, punish yourself by not self harming

Call a friend and ask for company

Buy a cuddly toy

Give someone a hug with a smile

Put a face mask on

Watch a favorite TV show or movie

Eat something ridiculously sweet

Remember a happy moment and relive it for a while in your head

Treat yourself to some chocolate

Try to imagine the future and plan things you want to do

Look at things that are special to you

Compliment someone else

Make sculptures

Watch fish

Youtube funny videos!

Let yourself cry

Play with a pet

Have or give a massage

Imagine yourself living in a perfect home and describe it in your mind

If you’re religious, read the bible or pray

Light a candle and watch the flame (but please be careful)

Go chat in the chat room

Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion

Accept a gift from a friend

Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people

Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles

Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book

Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, gentle (Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages)

Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read

Write words in the sand for them to be washed away

Alternatives for when you’re feeling panicky or scared:

“See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down

Listen to soothing music; have a CD with motivational songs that you can listen to

Meditate or do yoga

Name all of your soft toys

Hug a pillow or soft toy

Hyper focus on something

Do a “reality check list” – write down all the things you can list about where you are now (e.g. It is the 9th November 2004, I’m a room and everything is going to be alright)

With permission, give someone a hug

Drink herbal tea

Crunch ice

Hug a tree

Go for a walk if it’s safe to do so

Feel your pulse to prove you’re alive

Go outside and attempt to catch butterflies or lizards

Put your feet firmly on the floor

Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up, only makes it worse

Touch something familiar/safeLeave the room

Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing.

Give yourself permission to…. (Keep it safe)

Create a safe place for yourself and take yourself there

Lay on the grass and watch the clouds. You can try to make pictures with them too.

Light a candle and watch the flame

Alternatives that will hopefully make you think twice about harming yourself:

Think about how you don’t want scars

Treat yourself nicely

Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you’re thinking about self harm

Create a safe place to go

Acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior: say “I want to hurt myself” rather than “I want to cut”

Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it

Remember that you always have the choice not to cut: it’s up to you what you do

Think about how you may feel guilty after self harming

Remind yourself that the urge to self harm is impulsive: you will only feel like cutting for short bursts of time

Avoid temptation

Get your friends to make you friendship bracelets: wear them around your wrists to remind you of them when you want to cut

Be with other people

Make your own list of things to do instead of self harm

Make a list of your positive character traits

Be nice to your family, who in return, will hopefully be nice to you

Put a band-aid on the area where you’d like to self harm

Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW

Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe

Notice “choices” versus “dilemmas”

Lose the “should-could-have to” words. Try… “What if”

Kiss the places you want toSHor kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about myself and that you don’t want this

Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns

The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love.

Write the name of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you] and write their name where you want to self harm. When you go to self harm remember how much they care and wouldn’t want you to harm yourself.

think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself.

Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it’s full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress.

Alternatives that give the illusion of seeing something similar to blood:

Draw on yourself with a red pen or body paint, or go to a site such as this, where you ‘cut’ the screen (be aware that some users may find this triggering, so view with caution)

Cover yourself with plasters where you want to cut

Give yourself a henna or fake tattoo

Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.

Paint yourself with red tempera paint.

'Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off)

Use red food colouring on your skin

Alternatives to help you sort through your feelings:

Phone a friend and talk to them

Make a collage of how you feel

Negotiate with yourself

Identify what is hurting so bad that you need to express it in this way

Write your feelings in a diary

Free write (Write down whatever you’re thinking at that moment, even if it doesn’t make sense)

Make lists of everything such as blessings in your life

Make a notebook of song lyrics that you relate to

Call ahotline

Write a letter to someone telling them how you feel (but you don’t have to send it if you decide not to)

my hideous brain goblin: no im n–

Instead of saying “I’m lazy,” saying “I’ve made a habit of not doing work unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Instead of saying “I’m a bad friend,” saying “I haven’t communicated as much as I should with the people I care about.”