12 Gauge Retirement Plan

Bottom surgery was a success afafsgsgsgagagagshs

The only thing the difficulty setting should do is add progressively more silverware to the dining table, all of which must be used correctly on their respective meals.

Folks have variously remarked “this is just being autistic” or “this is just living with your parents”, both of which I expected, but the one who said “this is just living in Connecticut” has admittedly got me curious.

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone...

the feminine urge to fucking sink my teeth into someone

It’s Batman’s turn. Bruce needs to decide whether to marry himself for the money or throw himself off the cliff.

“I would kill Bruce Wayne just to get him out of this conversation.”

This works best if the reveal comes after literally everyone else has played, and half of the people have said “I’d marry Bruce Wayne for the money” and the other half have not only said that they’d fuck him, but been reasonably graphic as to how.

World Heritage Post

IF WE ARE JUST OVER-AWARE ANIMALS WHY MUST WE SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE.

I TOOK OUT MY TRASH THAT HAD ROTTEN FOOD AND A CLOUD OF FRUIT FLIES ERUPTED FROM IT. THEY NOW CIRCLE MY KITCHEN LOOKING FOR OFFERINGS AND IN A FEW DAYS THEY WILL STARVE TO DEATH. I HATE THAT THEY ARE HERE AND I HATE THAT THEY WILL SUFFER AND DIE.

Hey I ate a full meal and now I feel normal again. Who would have thunk.

#investing before this post hits 100k  Dont you fucking dare

Well now I simply must invest.

@vague-magnus-archives

"this reads like a 10k note post" this is tumblr any post could feasibly be a 10k note post

i've gone and put my foot in it now haven't i

putting “lying to kids is ok” on the table immediately looks bad. but theres nuance. because kids deserve to have as much context and respect as anyone else you live with. but also. telling them that leaving doors open will make ants carry away the entire house is necessary until their brains can quantify the heating&air bill

i feel like tumblr doesnt know about the pain and suffering that is english tap water,,,, girl there are stalagmites inside me

Lmao op lives in the south. The tap water up here is from fucking springs. It's so clean and fresh and has no stalagmites whatsoever. Cope and seethe southerner

My bones are so strong from all the chalk I've been drinking that I could mull you into a fine paste

You guys are like a two hour drive from each other