I had a stroke and often forget gravity. I keep posts related to the experience of recovery in my stroke posting tag.
I hold a masters in studying literary antisemitism. I may or may not talk about that sometimes.
Art tag -- all art is made in Clip Studio Paint either with mouse colouring for earlier work, or my Huion Kamvas Slate 11 for more recent stuff!
Currently I'm into the 30-year-old anime Gundam Wing and 10-year-old anime Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans:
My Gundam IBO tag
My Gundam Wing tag
Fic tag
Looking for ship stuff? 1x2 tag
If you're specifically looking for either of my WiPs:
Gravity Occlusion (Stroke Heero)
Fate uses Blood as Rhetoric (Omega Heero)
Meta/Analysis Posts:
I went through and took many screenshots in Tears of the Kingdom to document the Zonai architecture in Gerudo territory. You can view those posts here.
It's very likely that Mikazuki has brain damage / had multiple strokes to lead to his paralysis from using Barbatos. I talk about that here.
Mikazuki and Orga banner is from one of the second season's openers.
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"Covid was years ago I don't understand why theyre rehashing it!"
The midterms are happening in a few months
"How can they hold him in contempt? He didn't say anything!"
They're performing political theater to remind people of how upset they were during the pandemic about the decisions being made because the midterms are happening in November and the Covid backlash is how they won 2024.
Please please please learn to recognize political theater when it's happening. It'll spare you so much grief.
Going to a convention later this month with some friends for the first time in many, many years. I was thinking about how these things usually donβt have benches anywhere but Iβll probably need to sit, so I went looking at portable seats and I got this stool that grows:
Itβs light so it can go in whatever bag I bring easily enough. Iβm gonna see if I can paint it or if the paint will just get scraped off when it folds.
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the whole idea of settlers going off to an island thatβs uninhabited because itβs simply not habitable and immediately paying the price that winter, forming a pact with the devil that literally curses their descendants to never be able to leave the island or theyβll die is very fun to me.
Iβve seen criticism that the show isnβt doing enough elevated horror things but I think this concept is so gothic and interesting I hope the show gets as many episodes and seasons as it wants to explore this.
excited to learn more about the island's entity. whatever the force is it wants people there and thatβs so fun to me! thereβs all kinds of forces effected by settlers in fiction. silent hill's lake entity was corrupted by white settlers. the town in lies beneath was home to an entity that just wanted peace and quiet and tried giving people things to appease them etc
One of my academic interests is New World Pre-Colonial/Colonial contact narratives and one of my favourite parts of Widow's Bay is how the show emphasizes that the island was completely deserted (except for the teeth); I cannot express enough what a bad sign that would be. The folly of these colonists to choose a land that had ZERO sign of habitation by the Indigenous people is such a subtle but also comically overt sign of something BAD BAD BAD, but as is the case in many contact narratives do they listen or pay attention? No, lol.
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When I was in therapist school one of my profs said, "A lot of trauma needs 10 or 20 years before it's really ready to be worked through. Maybe longer." And at the time I was like: Oh Shit. I planned to be over my trauma and all better by the time I graduated!
Anyway, that was 10 or 20 years ago and jesus fuck, she was right.
I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
For anyone who has ever had covid before, please be sure you are aware of stroke symptoms. Each successive infection raises the risk in a pretty major way, and a lot of people are dying young due to not knowing these signs or being afraid to act on them. Please take care of yourselves.
diet culture has ruined salad because people will look at your massive bowl of extremely fresh refrigerated vegetables and say 'oh you're being Good and Abstinent' which is completely ignoring the fact that a fresh crispy salad is D E C A D E N T. do you know how long a cucumber lasts in my fridge without going soft? Not Goddamn Long Enough. I love salad. Give me the salad. Stop being weird about the salad.
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if you keep stepping on somebody's toes for a long time at minimum they're probably going to start really hating you and at maximum you might cause them lasting damage.
if you do it on purpose you're a dick. if it's on accident but you keep doing it that person is still going to be mad at you because you don't care enough to try not to step on their toes
if you give a grovelling begging apology after accidentally stepping on somebody's toes one time you're going to make the whole thing awkward, but not giving a quick "sorry" before moving on is still kind of rude.