So...

Fuck…I was right…

I can’t believe I’ve fallen for it again, maybe I’m the problem. This time I sorta knew, I was skeptical but everyone told me I was being cynical. But as the saying goes, the truth always comes out. And it did. And it hurts. Even though I sort of knew, I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be the bad guy in this because then I’d be wrong. But I wasn’t and I’m not. And now I’m upset and hurt that I once again didn’t listen to myself. I was right but listened everyone else when they told me I was wrong

I’ve met someone new and they are challenging, but like the good type

Today I realized we were never really friends. Or at least I never really was one in your eyes. And I think that was the main source of my hurt masqueraded as anger. Because to me, at the core, I liked you for you and who you were. But to you, you only liked me for what I did/could do and what you gained from having me around. In hindsight we really didn’t have much in common. Other than wanting the other person to be in the others’ life. Which is why we didn’t work, because we were doing it for different reasons, we had different why’s which led us to disagree on our because. And it hurts on occasion to think about, but not as much as it used to. So thank you for the lesson.

It’s been over a year since I last wrote about you on here. 444 days to be exact. Does that mean I’m getting over you? Maybe. I think so at least. For a while there seeing your name made me angry, like how dare you reel me back in knowing full well you’re just going to throw me out again. Other times it’s like the good ole days, my heart skips a beat, I smile but it doesn’t last. Because you’re still the same person you were and have always been. I guess I’m not over you, but I’m tired of you or of the push and pull of your orbit. I dream of the day your name is just that, a name and I have to try to remember who you were. I know that day exists, but it’s a long ways away. For now, I’m okay. And I cherish every moment of my okay-ness. I revel in the freedom of going hours without thinking about you, days even. I love that I no longer crave a life with you but one without. I adore the person I’ve become after you and for that, I thank you

I always thought being in love with someone who didn’t love you back was hard, but trying to fall out of love with someone who isn’t right for you is worse

To Me - Alina Baraz