Sometimes we think we are over a certain behaviour or mental pattern. We think we have "healed" it, we are done and can move on. But if we look at it more deeply, we are probably not that done. And it's okay: it's something we have been doing and thinking for years, we cannot get over it in few days or months. So many aspects come into play, and we may need to work on the same thing more than once. With more and more determination.
So please be kind with yourself, and allow yourself to heal it once more. Do not feel bad about needing more work on the same situation. I know well it is really tiring and at times disheartening, but don't let this bring you down. You were (and still are) only trying to protect and save yourself, and cope with the lack of some form of care and affection you deserved to receive but probably could not for whatever reason.
Allow yourself to feel the pain, but know that you cannot find what you need where you used to search for it. You need to collect the strength and courage to look somewhere else. And not feel guilty for it, and for choosing yourself.