Sometimes You Gotta Steal a Magic Baby

do you ever think about how fucked up it is that the dimetrodon were not dinosaurs? lied to by Big Toy Company, lied to by Big Movie, lied to by Nostalgic Children's Cartoon.

Moe anime girls are an invasive species

Beautiful 90s futch tomboy anime girls with huge hair who drink a lot and wear tank tops all the time were driven to extinction by moe catgirl in a maid dress and a bell collar who goes "wehh." Those are the apex predators. They dominate ruthlessly with reckless abandon. Terrifying beasts

the french beatles

jean, paul, george, et ringeaux

christmas is kind of like if for 1/6 of the year everyone got really into ska and started wearing the fedoras and checkered clothing and they only played ska music in stores that the employees clearly weren't enjoying and everything was just ska themed for a while and one day someone eagerly asks you what ska you're listening to and when you tell them you're not doing the whole ska thing for the tenth time in a row its like a 50/50 chance that their face suddenly falls deathly serious and they say "are you one of those people who thinks all orphans should be drowned in boiling shit?" or they chuckle and squint at you and say "oh yeah you must be one of those people that listens to pop punk! Its kinda like a weird, different ska I guess! I am going to a ska concert later today if you wanna come along and see how awesome ska is, as enforced by the ephemeral force of enjoying ska instilled in all moral beings!" and this has been going on for so long that all the ska music is just people saying "pick it up" over and over again and plastering everything in checker patterns and theres a whole wave of people who think everyone has forgotten how to really enjoy ska but they actually just want an older version of the artificially enforced ska mania everyone is having and they made a book and several movies called "the man who did not like ska" about a disgusting evil spinach creature that hated everything and ate broken glass every day who learns basic empathy after hearing an upstrummed guitar for the first time.

i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept

hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed

It's not professional or even put-together as a response but "Holy fuck guys" is admittedly the funniest/worst way to begin addressing a backlash at your company

"Can we not make it political?" Anyway a famous director was just murdered by his own son and the president of the United States officially declared it a good thing because he spoke out against him. 15 Jews celebrating Hanukkah were murdered by gunmen and the Israeli Prime Minister immediately blamed Australia for letting in Palestinian immigrants. Brown University in RI got shot up and the president of the United States blamed the school itself for failing to catch the killer. Maybe it's always political, actually.

that relatable feeling when your best friend slays blonde sex boobs