my robot misses you

did anyone else notice that they changed elfs. like elfs are different now

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

Can somebody please @ emily blunt on twitter and show her this

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

Need some fables AESOP

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair

#mycube

Went to a fabric store yesterday and saw a sewing machine that did embroidery of photos and the example was of a newborn baby and it was so fucking insane looking I asked an employee if I could buy it and she looked at it and was like “oh my god eugh what the fuck… i think that’s my bosses grandkid….I think you should just take it” so I did